Relief Pitcher
Who did you play baseball with when you were kids?32 total reviews
Comment from Helena Frances
What a great story! You cover many aspects of childhood, not just
the beginnings of a future star.
You captured the hope in wearing a uniform jersey, (or the latest style jeans)
and that it will be the key to "belonging" in an otherwise excluded world of
social ranking in school.
I enjoyed this very much!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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What a great story! You cover many aspects of childhood, not just
the beginnings of a future star.
You captured the hope in wearing a uniform jersey, (or the latest style jeans)
and that it will be the key to "belonging" in an otherwise excluded world of
social ranking in school.
I enjoyed this very much!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Helena, for your kind review. Yes, I wanted to belong and I thought wearing that secondhand little league uniform would not only make me popular but transform me into an athlete. None other than future Cy Young Award winner, Bret Saberhagen, unmasked me as a fraud. I have come to accept that while we were on the same playground together, Bret was in a class by himself. He was a great athlete and an even greater human being.
Comment from Jacob Collins
A nicely written piece, Sis Cat. I am not familiar with the rules and how you play baseball but I am sure that it can't be that much different to cricket. Your writing flowed well and I couldn't spot any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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A nicely written piece, Sis Cat. I am not familiar with the rules and how you play baseball but I am sure that it can't be that much different to cricket. Your writing flowed well and I couldn't spot any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Jacob, for your kind review and contest well wishes.
Comment from alf collier
Hi Sis Cat. Another dazzler of a story. Once I read the first sentence of your story, I am gone. I am there until the last word, and longer. Loved this, alf
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Hi Sis Cat. Another dazzler of a story. Once I read the first sentence of your story, I am gone. I am there until the last word, and longer. Loved this, alf
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, alf collier, for your kind review. I originally developed this story for a live storytelling contest in America called the Moth StorySLAM. Producers instruct storytellers to have great opening and closing lines. Twice I was not picked to tell this story. Thanks to you, I decided to buy my ticket for the next StorySLAM and try again. Maybe the third time will be a charm.
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Fingers crossed!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed this story I tended to be on of the captains, well somebody had to, I remember the kids that others were reluctant, but they still played, it was just a fact of life at the time, and I guess it's still true today! But I enjoyed this story, the fact that you mentioned the player that actually played in the World Series! Nicely written, I was absorbed, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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I enjoyed this story I tended to be on of the captains, well somebody had to, I remember the kids that others were reluctant, but they still played, it was just a fact of life at the time, and I guess it's still true today! But I enjoyed this story, the fact that you mentioned the player that actually played in the World Series! Nicely written, I was absorbed, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Roy, for your kind review. Yes, my story was universal then and is universal today. I am glad you found it absorbing.
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Well done, I enjoyed it.
Comment from arnie47
You captured every feeling a child has who takes the field to play baseball the BEST sport in the world. I remember many a day out at Washington Park here in Chicago once I was picked no matter where they put me on the field, praying no one would hit it to me. But once it was hit to me and I did what I was supposed to do it was cool. I did play and go to grammar school with Scipio Spinks, 5 years in the majors. You can google him. Now I gotta go and prepare for my fantasy draft on Monday. Thank you for this marvelous trip down memory lane.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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You captured every feeling a child has who takes the field to play baseball the BEST sport in the world. I remember many a day out at Washington Park here in Chicago once I was picked no matter where they put me on the field, praying no one would hit it to me. But once it was hit to me and I did what I was supposed to do it was cool. I did play and go to grammar school with Scipio Spinks, 5 years in the majors. You can google him. Now I gotta go and prepare for my fantasy draft on Monday. Thank you for this marvelous trip down memory lane.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Yes, arnie47, I also prayed no one would hit it to me. When someone did, I dodged the ball. I am glad my story gave you a trip down memory lane. Now go prepare for your fantasy draft on Monday.
Comment from sibhus
This is great piece, more so because I can really relate to being left on the bench. This has a great flow that makes for a n enjoyable read. It also an excellent entry for the non-fiction contest. Thanks for sharing your experiences and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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This is great piece, more so because I can really relate to being left on the bench. This has a great flow that makes for a n enjoyable read. It also an excellent entry for the non-fiction contest. Thanks for sharing your experiences and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, sibhus, my fellow bench sitter, for your kind review. I am glad you can relate to my story. Thank you for the contest well wishes.
Comment from kriver
Cat
This is a good and interesting story.
That same type of situation
happens to lots of kids.
But, everyone has different talents,
not really better just different.
The write is good with clear dialogue and word flow.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Cat
This is a good and interesting story.
That same type of situation
happens to lots of kids.
But, everyone has different talents,
not really better just different.
The write is good with clear dialogue and word flow.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, kriver, for your kind review. My talent was not baseball, but storytelling. It took me decades to realize that.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This was completely absorbing. An absolutely fantastic recollection and write. I know a little of baseball but it is not a big sport in the UK - we have cricket (which is crap). Good luck in the contest. This has a real good chance of doing very well.
GMG
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Hi there,
This was completely absorbing. An absolutely fantastic recollection and write. I know a little of baseball but it is not a big sport in the UK - we have cricket (which is crap). Good luck in the contest. This has a real good chance of doing very well.
GMG
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, giraffmang, for your fine, six star review. Audiences love this story. Now readers, too. Cheers and thank you for the contest well wishes.
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Thank you, giraffmang, for your fine, six star review. Audiences love this story. Now readers, too. Cheers and thank you for the contest well wishes.
Comment from jpduck
As before, I definitely think this translates into a written story just fine. As an example, 'Bret was the tallest, whitest boy in school while I was the shortest, blackest.' In your video clip your timing is all-important for this sentence. But it still works perfectly well in the written version. I think it's a great story, even though I am British and know very little about baseball! And I love the ending.
Some typos and SPAGs:
Insert a blank line after the following, to mark the new paragraph: 'arguing with the other team captain over who would adopt me.', '"Go, Bret, go! Go, Bret, go!"', 'In '76, Bret and I graduated from Cantara Street Elementary and I never saw Bret again until . . .'
'left me on the bench to insure victory.' ('insure', which means 'to take out insurance', should be 'ensure', which means 'to make certain'.
'the boys piled on him, "Yeah, Bret!"' (Delete the line break after this).
'In '76, Bret and I graduated from Cantara Street Elementary and I never saw *him* again until . . .'
Adrian
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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As before, I definitely think this translates into a written story just fine. As an example, 'Bret was the tallest, whitest boy in school while I was the shortest, blackest.' In your video clip your timing is all-important for this sentence. But it still works perfectly well in the written version. I think it's a great story, even though I am British and know very little about baseball! And I love the ending.
Some typos and SPAGs:
Insert a blank line after the following, to mark the new paragraph: 'arguing with the other team captain over who would adopt me.', '"Go, Bret, go! Go, Bret, go!"', 'In '76, Bret and I graduated from Cantara Street Elementary and I never saw Bret again until . . .'
'left me on the bench to insure victory.' ('insure', which means 'to take out insurance', should be 'ensure', which means 'to make certain'.
'the boys piled on him, "Yeah, Bret!"' (Delete the line break after this).
'In '76, Bret and I graduated from Cantara Street Elementary and I never saw *him* again until . . .'
Adrian
Comment Written 19-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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Thank you! I will incorporate your recommendations. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Sis Cat
Well, I enjoyed the other two stories so much ... I'm back here for more. :) This is a great entry for the contest and really an outstanding story. There are a few minor glitches in some of the sentences, mainly grammar or sentence structure. (Though I am a poet not a prose writer.
Your style is solid. I think what really comes out of your work is the ability to write without using any superfluous language, the sincerity and emotions you draw from your reader by expressing your own so well and without victimising yourself.
This writing didn't 'let go' for a minute. You maintained the momentum, provided excitement and interest, your descriptive imagery is wonderful ... and a super bonus with that ending ... a baseball hero. Even without that, your insight into witnessing that moment of greatness and acknowledging it without envy and re-telling part of your life is exceptional. Perhaps I'm witnessing greatness.
This would be worth promoting high enough to be seen by the more experienced writers ... it is difficult to become known and get those reviews which provide feed-back and encouragement. I'll check out that website. Warm wishes - Lovinia xoxo PS This time you've earned your six, despite the tiny changes which may need to be done to win. I'm do hope this story will prove a strong contender.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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Hi Sis Cat
Well, I enjoyed the other two stories so much ... I'm back here for more. :) This is a great entry for the contest and really an outstanding story. There are a few minor glitches in some of the sentences, mainly grammar or sentence structure. (Though I am a poet not a prose writer.
Your style is solid. I think what really comes out of your work is the ability to write without using any superfluous language, the sincerity and emotions you draw from your reader by expressing your own so well and without victimising yourself.
This writing didn't 'let go' for a minute. You maintained the momentum, provided excitement and interest, your descriptive imagery is wonderful ... and a super bonus with that ending ... a baseball hero. Even without that, your insight into witnessing that moment of greatness and acknowledging it without envy and re-telling part of your life is exceptional. Perhaps I'm witnessing greatness.
This would be worth promoting high enough to be seen by the more experienced writers ... it is difficult to become known and get those reviews which provide feed-back and encouragement. I'll check out that website. Warm wishes - Lovinia xoxo PS This time you've earned your six, despite the tiny changes which may need to be done to win. I'm do hope this story will prove a strong contender.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your compliments. I am only posting now to FanStory contests and will promote this favorite story of audiences and now readers. Thanks.
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Thank you for your compliments. I am only posting now to FanStory contests and will promote this favorite story of audiences and now readers. Thanks.
