Wild Animals
Two trapped teens, caged and uncaged30 total reviews
Comment from Eigle Rull
This is an interesting story, my friend. It held my attention very well. You used easy to read and understand words, which I appreciate very much. You conveyed your thoughts to the reader very well. I'm glad you stayed behind the screen, my friend. It may have saved your life.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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This is an interesting story, my friend. It held my attention very well. You used easy to read and understand words, which I appreciate very much. You conveyed your thoughts to the reader very well. I'm glad you stayed behind the screen, my friend. It may have saved your life.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Yes, I am glad I stayed behind the screen, too. My life was not very interesting behind the screen, but of the three boys on the other side, Marc later killed his brother in a drunk driving accident, the State of California committed Felix to a mental hospital for sexual abuse, and Al ended up homeless and is probably dead. Only I survived unscathed to tell Al's story. Thank you for your review.
Comment from country ranch writer
choices in life are different for some and others work their way out of their undignified life and the gang the live with.He just wasn't ready and maybe knew no other way
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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choices in life are different for some and others work their way out of their undignified life and the gang the live with.He just wasn't ready and maybe knew no other way
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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country ranch writer, I am still stunned decades later how Al and I can grow up in the same neighborhood and go to the same Sunday school, but our paths diverge. Al is probably dead and buried in a pauper's grave somewhere. This story is my memorial to him. Thank you for the six star review.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Sis Cat. That is a very sad story but beautifully written and presented. It is a very easy read and I enjoyed it very much. It is also a great entry and I wish you luck, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2015
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G'day Sis Cat. That is a very sad story but beautifully written and presented. It is a very easy read and I enjoyed it very much. It is also a great entry and I wish you luck, cheers Fez
Comment Written 01-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Fez, for your very kind review. I worked hard to make my prose easier to read. Thank you for wishing me luck in the contest!
Comment from Cookie333
Brutally honest and uniquely different. This should resonate with many readers who have lost touch with old friends. Fate kept you two going in different directions. If this got you a low score that night I can't imagine the other stories.
Thank you for sharing
Karen
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2015
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Brutally honest and uniquely different. This should resonate with many readers who have lost touch with old friends. Fate kept you two going in different directions. If this got you a low score that night I can't imagine the other stories.
Thank you for sharing
Karen
Comment Written 31-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2015
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Thank you for your kind review and insight. My "brutally honest and uniquely different" storytelling is my asset, although the judges at competitive storytelling events thnik differently. Thank you again for reviewing "Wild Animals."
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Thank you for your kind review and insight. My "brutally honest and uniquely different" storytelling is my asset, although the judges at competitive storytelling events thnik differently. Thank you again for reviewing "Wild Animals."
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
Your story "Wild Animals" shows the negative side to our human capacity for free will decisions. I can only speculate, never having been to Moth StorySlam, or San Francisco either, for that matter--but I suspect that could be the reason for that low score the judges gave you--they were uncomfortable. For readers who have reached the end of "Wild Animals", it's reasonable to deduce that those judges had people in their lives who Al reminded them of, and as a result they slapped you with the low score of the night, which wasn't fair.
It's apparent you stayed true to yourself when you told Al's story. Those judges had a point of view, I have another.
Five stars--excellent writing. The only reason I didn't use FanStory's six-star rating is because there are none left in my allotment.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2015
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Your story "Wild Animals" shows the negative side to our human capacity for free will decisions. I can only speculate, never having been to Moth StorySlam, or San Francisco either, for that matter--but I suspect that could be the reason for that low score the judges gave you--they were uncomfortable. For readers who have reached the end of "Wild Animals", it's reasonable to deduce that those judges had people in their lives who Al reminded them of, and as a result they slapped you with the low score of the night, which wasn't fair.
It's apparent you stayed true to yourself when you told Al's story. Those judges had a point of view, I have another.
Five stars--excellent writing. The only reason I didn't use FanStory's six-star rating is because there are none left in my allotment.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2015
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MusingsOfMWH, thank you for your kind, insightful review. I agree with you that the judges likely gave me the low score because the story made them feel uncomfortable. It hit too close to home. They may not have processed and come to grips with the Als in their past. I am not worried about the judges now. I took the story they rejected and revised it on FanStory to make it one of my best. Thank you for taking the time to read and review it.
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MusingsOfMWH, thank you for your kind, insightful review. I agree with you that the judges likely gave me the low score because the story made them feel uncomfortable. It hit too close to home. They may not have processed and come to grips with the Als in their past. I am not worried about the judges now. I took the story they rejected and revised it on FanStory to make it one of my best. Thank you for taking the time to read and review it.
Comment from LIJ Red
Respect for life and respect for others have to begin to be taught at potty training.
Almost every street person has a similar story to the one you tell. This is well written.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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Respect for life and respect for others have to begin to be taught at potty training.
Almost every street person has a similar story to the one you tell. This is well written.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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Thank you, LIJ Red, for your kind review and insight. It has been my conclusion, too, that there is a direct correlation between Al's wanton destruction of life and his homelessness. I have never thought of the poor potty training angle, but I think it is valid as I try to understand the Whys of Al's story. Thank you for your review and insight.
Comment from kiwijenny
This is powerfully sad..I think it suited the theme trapped...he did have a choice though he didn't see it..I,loved the imagery of the confessional screen door. Poor Al
God bless
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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This is powerfully sad..I think it suited the theme trapped...he did have a choice though he didn't see it..I,loved the imagery of the confessional screen door. Poor Al
God bless
Comment Written 31-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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Thank you very much for your kind review. A number of people mentioned the confessional screen. I worked to recreate the scene around that screen. The idea came to me in church. I jotted notes during the sermon to capture my idea. I am glad the story moved you.
Comment from gypsycaravan
What a great message in your story, sis cat. Both men wanting "something' or 'more" but unable to ask for what ever it was. Maybe they didn't even know themselves. How sad that some feel they must stay the wrong path because they are afraid to make a change. The 'known" is often more comfortable than a better "unknown."
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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What a great message in your story, sis cat. Both men wanting "something' or 'more" but unable to ask for what ever it was. Maybe they didn't even know themselves. How sad that some feel they must stay the wrong path because they are afraid to make a change. The 'known" is often more comfortable than a better "unknown."
Comment Written 31-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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Gypsycaravan, thank you for your kind review. I revised "Wild Animals" to show that both teens, and not just Al, were trapped in their own way. The window scene is key. They look at one another as if the teen on the other side of the window was trapped. They were. Thank you for acknowledging this.
Comment from chasennov
Two trapped teens, caged and uncaged "Wild Animals" Yep, this is okay, and I enjoyed the read, not as a youthful fella but as an old fella, and quite an experience for someone who thinks the youth is still okay. Well done.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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Two trapped teens, caged and uncaged "Wild Animals" Yep, this is okay, and I enjoyed the read, not as a youthful fella but as an old fella, and quite an experience for someone who thinks the youth is still okay. Well done.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your kind review. I am glad you enjoyed it. Cheers.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Zue65
The judges were wrong, for animals don't only mean "real animals" per se. It may also mean humans who are trapped like animals, out in the streets looking for love just like Al. Thanks for sharing with us the story of Al.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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The judges were wrong, for animals don't only mean "real animals" per se. It may also mean humans who are trapped like animals, out in the streets looking for love just like Al. Thanks for sharing with us the story of Al.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your kind review and observation. I intended to use wild animals as a metaphor for wild humans. Thanks.
