2 Strangers Meet At a Deserted Bar 3
Short Story17 total reviews
Comment from Nosha17
I guess, this was the best outcome of such a situation. Leave it to the reader to decide if things worked out ok or not. Creatively written with vibrant characters, slick dialogue and strong story line. Most enjoyable. Faye
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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I guess, this was the best outcome of such a situation. Leave it to the reader to decide if things worked out ok or not. Creatively written with vibrant characters, slick dialogue and strong story line. Most enjoyable. Faye
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Glad you liked it! Yep, I wanted to show how out of hand things could get even with some pretty ordinary folks. The end results are never what they are hoped to be. mikey
Comment from gypsycaravan
'silence fell over the table like the darkness accompanying someone buried alive.'--This is a fabulous line.
Great response to the prompt, mikey. 'World piss" was also quite clever. Why did you end it? Could be lots more to this story. Ha
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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'silence fell over the table like the darkness accompanying someone buried alive.'--This is a fabulous line.
Great response to the prompt, mikey. 'World piss" was also quite clever. Why did you end it? Could be lots more to this story. Ha
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Thank you. I just wanted to leave a lot of it up in the air. The main thing was to show the trouble ordinary people can get into when they're not honest with each other. Plus, I wanted to TRY and prove it isn't the prompt, it's the writer. :))) mikey
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You proved it and great job doing it.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh you are sadistic.
And i love it
You let us wonder who, why, calls, sheriff, news, OMG what have you done?
but then i expect nothing else from the master.
Very well executed, dear friend
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Oh you are sadistic.
And i love it
You let us wonder who, why, calls, sheriff, news, OMG what have you done?
but then i expect nothing else from the master.
Very well executed, dear friend
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Hi. Glad you liked it. I thought I'd throw the little twist at the end to keep everyone guessing. In my mind, something happened to one of the daughters while they were off engaged in their stupid games. :) mikey
Comment from mfowler
Well, this is very different to the other versions I've written and reviewed.
Your characters interact with great energy. It was like reading a play on speed, except that it was on Black Russian, Chivas Regal and Jack Daniels, a heady mix. At first I thought you were playing this for the laughs. (Some great one liners and phrases eg Lois managed to hold on to her Manhattan without spilling a drop.). But, then the tone got serious and the enormity of the situation emerged. And it didn't finish well, 'because it shouldn't finish well. (Way too cheesy that way). Some innovative storytelling using slickly paced dialogue and thought sequences carries off this entertaining piece very well.
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Well, this is very different to the other versions I've written and reviewed.
Your characters interact with great energy. It was like reading a play on speed, except that it was on Black Russian, Chivas Regal and Jack Daniels, a heady mix. At first I thought you were playing this for the laughs. (Some great one liners and phrases eg Lois managed to hold on to her Manhattan without spilling a drop.). But, then the tone got serious and the enormity of the situation emerged. And it didn't finish well, 'because it shouldn't finish well. (Way too cheesy that way). Some innovative storytelling using slickly paced dialogue and thought sequences carries off this entertaining piece very well.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
Comment from royowen
Oh what a tangled web, talk about a complicated state of affairs, a really good story were they get off with each other's partners, and I must admit I don't know who got off with whom! I love the dialogue and physical stuff, good riveting subplot, the story had me engaged and enthralled all the way through, well done, blessings, Roy.
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Oh what a tangled web, talk about a complicated state of affairs, a really good story were they get off with each other's partners, and I must admit I don't know who got off with whom! I love the dialogue and physical stuff, good riveting subplot, the story had me engaged and enthralled all the way through, well done, blessings, Roy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
Comment from nordicgirl
I would say you did one hell of a job with this prompt. You took two boring families and by the end of this it was a roaring brawl of emotions and chaos. Genius ending. It seemed up in the air until I gave it more thought. One of the daughters must have commited suicide. So the couples split up and went to the motel with who they were cheating with. That is why both couples were affected by the news. One parent in each couple. Yeah!!!
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I would say you did one hell of a job with this prompt. You took two boring families and by the end of this it was a roaring brawl of emotions and chaos. Genius ending. It seemed up in the air until I gave it more thought. One of the daughters must have commited suicide. So the couples split up and went to the motel with who they were cheating with. That is why both couples were affected by the news. One parent in each couple. Yeah!!!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
Comment from CR Delport
Yeah, like a couple of shots promotes rational thinking :) I like the way you end it, hanging, making the reader form their own version of the story. Good job, Mikey.
Have a great day.
Christelle.
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Yeah, like a couple of shots promotes rational thinking :) I like the way you end it, hanging, making the reader form their own version of the story. Good job, Mikey.
Have a great day.
Christelle.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
