Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Door Opens"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
77 total reviews
Comment from 4hisglory
I'm so glad you are writing for Christian teens trying to make it in todays non-Christian schools. It can be quite a challenge. This is a very good start.
I like country gospel, so have never heard of this band. However, my husband likes Christian rock, so asked him if he knew of this band, and he said yes.
Your characters are very believable and the story is easy to read and follow. I like how you put a little doubt about her friend Jujee following through with her promise to attend the concert with her. This entices the reader to read on, which is good.
I wonder if you should capitalize 'Mall' unless you name the specific mall, like Northside Mall or something?
The sentence "Underneath the toughness. she heard God whisper, was a broken heart", is a little unclear to me. I had to read it several times to get who you were talking about, since the line before it was about you waking up with peace. You might want to clarify. Or you might put the next sentence explaining her closeness to her dad, ahead of this sentence.
Over all a very good read. Keep writing. Blessings, LaVonne
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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I'm so glad you are writing for Christian teens trying to make it in todays non-Christian schools. It can be quite a challenge. This is a very good start.
I like country gospel, so have never heard of this band. However, my husband likes Christian rock, so asked him if he knew of this band, and he said yes.
Your characters are very believable and the story is easy to read and follow. I like how you put a little doubt about her friend Jujee following through with her promise to attend the concert with her. This entices the reader to read on, which is good.
I wonder if you should capitalize 'Mall' unless you name the specific mall, like Northside Mall or something?
The sentence "Underneath the toughness. she heard God whisper, was a broken heart", is a little unclear to me. I had to read it several times to get who you were talking about, since the line before it was about you waking up with peace. You might want to clarify. Or you might put the next sentence explaining her closeness to her dad, ahead of this sentence.
Over all a very good read. Keep writing. Blessings, LaVonne
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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It seems like every week a new rock band comes out and I am getting broke trying to buy all the CD's. Thank you very much for your very helpful review, LaVonne. I appreciate you taking time to read and offer your good insights.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from chasennov
Mara gets the best gift of her life Stand Strong 'A Door Opens.' Well, I'm no teen any more and was not surprised to find I had lost touch with the youth of today. A well created chapter you have written here, Bev. Well done.
Turns out, getting your father to keep our plan a (a) secret was the real challenge.
She knew it woild (would) set the bar for future situations.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Mara gets the best gift of her life Stand Strong 'A Door Opens.' Well, I'm no teen any more and was not surprised to find I had lost touch with the youth of today. A well created chapter you have written here, Bev. Well done.
Turns out, getting your father to keep our plan a (a) secret was the real challenge.
She knew it woild (would) set the bar for future situations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Hi, C. Great to hear from you. There's so much going on with teens today. I'm lucky to be close with my nieces and nephew. They've been the source of both encouragement and inspiration.
Thank you so much for taking time read and review so graciously.
:) Bev
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You are most welcome, Bev.
Comment from Green Lake Girl
'Bout fell off my chair when I saw you posted again! Great job with this Young Adult story. A lot going on in chapter one, and at a brisk pace, which will appeal to a teen reader. You're full of surprises--"A Door Opens" shows your ability to write in different genres. Super job, Bev!
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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'Bout fell off my chair when I saw you posted again! Great job with this Young Adult story. A lot going on in chapter one, and at a brisk pace, which will appeal to a teen reader. You're full of surprises--"A Door Opens" shows your ability to write in different genres. Super job, Bev!
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Thanks so much, Marietta. This review and your kind encouragement means a lot to me. I'm relieved you think this will appeal to a teenager. I did run it by my nieces and they gave me the go-ahead LoL. I am trying to get a bit better at setting up the protagonist's conflict in the early stages. There's lots to come, including an underlying thread of the Christian Rock music I so love! And this time, I'm plotting ahead :)
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You're welcome, Bev. Plotting ahead, eh? I'll have to try that sometime! LOL
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It's a bit anticlimactic. I think I'm a risk junkie, but I can't take the toll on my mental health.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello, my dear Bev,
Just put it in the category of Young Adult Fiction and no one will feel they have the right to gripe!
A delightful first chapter. You've set the stage well. This is quite different from your previous writes, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the story unfolds.
Hugs and love,
Sonali
"Is anything wrong(?)" she asked
but couldn't (maintain the seriousness/ remain serious)
for
The concert's been sold out for months.(")
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Hello, my dear Bev,
Just put it in the category of Young Adult Fiction and no one will feel they have the right to gripe!
A delightful first chapter. You've set the stage well. This is quite different from your previous writes, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the story unfolds.
Hugs and love,
Sonali
"Is anything wrong(?)" she asked
but couldn't (maintain the seriousness/ remain serious)
for
The concert's been sold out for months.(")
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Dear Sonali. Thanks for this very gracious and encouraging review. As always, you've been most helpful with the missed spags. This is a change of pace for me and an experiment to push my comfort zone. YA fiction can be pretty a pretty scary wall to climb! Again, thanks so much.
Hugs, Bev
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I'm with you all the way. xx
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That really means a lot, buddy. XX
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Shoulder to shoulder till all our dreams come true, right??
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For sure, Sonali.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Writingfundimension, I'm glad I catch this while it's 'early', and I hope I can read all of Mara's escapades. This is an interesting opening of a teen's story.I like the way you go on with the plot with your clear and 'easy' language so everybody can follow. I've enjoyed reading it... thanks. :)
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Hi, Writingfundimension, I'm glad I catch this while it's 'early', and I hope I can read all of Mara's escapades. This is an interesting opening of a teen's story.I like the way you go on with the plot with your clear and 'easy' language so everybody can follow. I've enjoyed reading it... thanks. :)
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Hi, Belinda. Thank you for your interest in and support for my chapter. I appreciate your gracious review, and am also glad you're coming on board early. Lots to come! :) Bev
Comment from MSJVClarke
This is a good story. I could picture the scene of the young girl doing her homework and struggling to keep at it. The content was good and the conversation with her best friend would certainly lead one to want to read further. I did note that in paragraph 12 there was an extra "a". at the end of the second line. I think it has a good tone for teenagers and certainly a plot.
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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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This is a good story. I could picture the scene of the young girl doing her homework and struggling to keep at it. The content was good and the conversation with her best friend would certainly lead one to want to read further. I did note that in paragraph 12 there was an extra "a". at the end of the second line. I think it has a good tone for teenagers and certainly a plot.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your review and for catching that error. I appreciate both.
Comment from Drew Delaney
This looks like an interesting story already. I can only imagine, the pain of parents splitting up, especially at that age.
I used to take my teenage daughter to Christian concerts. They were a whole lot better than the other garbage out there. Good luck with your book. I hope you do well writing it. Hugs, Drew
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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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This looks like an interesting story already. I can only imagine, the pain of parents splitting up, especially at that age.
I used to take my teenage daughter to Christian concerts. They were a whole lot better than the other garbage out there. Good luck with your book. I hope you do well writing it. Hugs, Drew
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Thanks so much, Drew. I appreciate your gracious review. I am a huge fan of Christian Rock music, and like you say, I find it a lot better than most of the mainstream stuff. Thanks, also, for the good luck wishes. :) Bev
