Comment from MusingsOfMWH

Excellent

It seems to me you've written in such a way that teens can relate to Mara. The challenges of studies (Algebra=yikes in my POV), making the right decisions about habits such as using trips to the refrigerator as rewards, and knowing when to use discernment when choices have to be made that will affect the vital issue of trust levels that affect teen/parent relationships are brought forth with honesty on your part. It's my opinion your book "Stand Strong" will strike a chord with your target audience because your writing is genuine and doesn't come across as if you're lecturing. Very well done.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015

What a great review, M. I so appreciate your encouragement for this project. The points you make are all concerns for me, so I'm glad that I don't come across as lecturing. That's a major turn-off for teens. Thank you very much for your candor and interest.

Warm regards, Bev

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

Starting a new book, huh? Glad I caught the first chapter. It is so hard to let your children out on their own the first few times. It will be interesting to see what happens, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015

Debbie, so good to hear from you. I've had this project on the drawing board for a while and just kept getting the nudge to do something with it. So, here it is :)

Thanks for your grand review. Great to know your interest is piqued.

:) Bev

Comment from CR Delport

Excellent

It doesn't sound like her best friend is very trustworthy. One can only hope she doesn't let her down as Mara really looks forward to the concert. This is very well written and makes for an interesting read.
Have a great day.
Christelle.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015

Oh boy, now your reading my mind, Christelle LoL. Thank you so much for this great review. I appreciate the support. :) Bev

Comment from Mastery

Exceptional

Hi, Bev. I love the feel of this new story..(new to me anyway...LOL) Sorry, I have been away so long. Your dialogue is spot on and your images still prevail so well..

"He grasped his wife's hand and together they headed downstairs. After her parents had left, Mara called the first person who came to mind. "Jujee, you're not going to believe this. My parents just handed me two tickets for the Skillet concert. It's an early birthday gift."

Blessings my wonderful friend. X0 Bob

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015

Bob, thank you so much for this very heart-warming review. I hope that you're recovering from your double dose of illness. Having had both bronchitis and shingles (thank God never together) you truly have been in my thoughts.

I so appreciate your generosity and encouragement, especially as you are one of the best novel writers I know.

XX Bev

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Sounds like these gals are about to have a great time on Saturday. You have done a good job of making these teenagers sound like just that. Thanks for the pleasure of reading your enjoyable chapter. :-)

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015

So great to hear from you, R. I'm thrilled you found the dialogue representative of teenagers - my main concern. I really appreciate both your encouragement and support!

:) Bev

Comment from Rdfrdmom2

Excellent

Writingfundimension:
It has been way too long since I have read any of your work.
I love this piece. My daughter and her husband have seen
Skillet in concert in Alexandria, VA the last 3 summers. I
get to keep my granddaughter overnnight while they do that -
while I would love to see Skillet, I'll take keeping my sweet
Lexi any time.
thanks for sharing
love, jan

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015

Jan, thank you so much for taking time to read my chapter. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it. And how cool that your daughter has seen Skillett. They put on amazing concerts. My personal
favorite is MercyMe, but there are a number of bands I would love to see if only they came
to Northern Michigan. The energy at those concerts is really something special. You can feel
your spirit rising to the rafters.

I really appreciate your grand review, Jan. Means a lot to me.

Love, Bev

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I loved this episode, with Mara being tickets to see the Christian rock band Skillet, isn't it funny how the young think, the best way to appease a kid is to give them what they think they need, not things the Grandma thinks Jujee needs. Nicely constructed story Bev, interesting how the young look at things, I still remember, even now my soul still murmurs, well done, my friend, blessings, Roy.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Hi, Roy! Thanks so much for this very generous and gracious review. I'm so glad you liked this first chapter. With the concert and its aftermath, there's a lot more action to come. This will probably be more along the lines of a novella (shorter version of a novel).

I really appreciate your encouragement.

:) Bev

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

I like your story, Bev. There is such a great market for teens and YAs. This niches in there nicely.

A few things you might want to look at (I'm sure others have pointed them out already, since I was late getting a start on this.

working on English assignments - it actually inspired her poetry -- that
[for double dashes don't space before and after. >> After "assignments" you only used one dash.

getting your father to keep our plan a a secret was the real challenge." [Ditch one of the "A's".]

She knew it woild set the bar for future situations. [She knew it WOULD set the bar...]

Good job, Bev. I'll be waiting for the second installment.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Hi, Jay. Thanks for the helpful review. I appreciate you taking time out to send along you insights. There's a lot more coming with the concert and aftermath.

I did correct all but the dashes based on other reviews. Thanks again!

:) Bev

Comment from flylikeaneagle

Excellent

Readingfun: I like the teen story and that the focus is Christian. The parents are reaching out to their daughter and in turn reaching out to a friend. Even with the bribe of hot Jayson being at the concert. I haven't heard of this music group but I will check it out on utube. I am glad that you are writing Christian genre for teens. They need a big sister like you to turn to for stories about teen role models.

My teenager loves Sarah Dessen books. Let me know when you write more on this story since this is my first experience on your story. Are you published outside of FS? Nice to chat with you. flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Hi, Flylikeaneagle. Thank you so much for this really grand review. There are so many groups I enjoy within the Christian Rock Scene. I would say my favorite is MercyMe. But Skillett has been wildly popular among the middle teens for quite a while now. I'll be posting about once a week, and have a lot more action planned for the concert and its aftermath.

I really appreciate your great encouragement. This has been in mothballs for over a year, and I just felt God giving me a nudge to get back and re-tool it for viewing on FanStory. I'm always grateful for the different perspectives people have to offer.

Thanks again! Bev

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Bev,

Nice opening chapter, showing Mara's commitment to the Lord, enjoying Christian music, as is her devotion to Jujee and their friendship, even though her folks aren't crazy about it.

It will be interesting to see if there are any compilations at the concert.

Nice, fast paced read. I enjoyed it a lot.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Thanks so much, Jax. I really appreciate your taking time to read and offer your insights. Much appreciated!

:) Bev