Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Door Opens"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
77 total reviews
Comment from SDS20121
I can see why this is recognized. Abolutely stunning! It reminds me of the piece I wrote on here "Learned How to Learn.' The music and math connection grabbed me. I wouldn't change a thing and I look forward to reading the book.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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I can see why this is recognized. Abolutely stunning! It reminds me of the piece I wrote on here "Learned How to Learn.' The music and math connection grabbed me. I wouldn't change a thing and I look forward to reading the book.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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I so appreciate your wonderful review, SD. I am going to check out your portfolio for the piece you mention.
Your generosity and encouragement mean a lot to me. It'll be great to see what you think of future developments. I can always use the help LoL.
:) Bev
Comment from c_lucas
Young people on their own are prime bait for trouble. The parent's training would be tested. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Young people on their own are prime bait for trouble. The parent's training would be tested. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Too many kids are on their own these days, Charlie. Thank you for taking time out to read and review, so kindly, my chapter. I appreciate your insights, as always.
:) Bev
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
What a great beginning to a new story. I really like the characters, the plot and setting. The style of writing is a perfect fit for the YA market.
You have set up the main character, Mara, well in the opening paragraphs. Mara's strengths, weaknesses, family relationships and friendship with Jujee. This is a great start and grabbed me from the onset.
You've captured the feeling of teenagers, especially girls, and the underlying competitive edge and friction. One line that really reflects this so well, "If I can't get cash refunds, I'll stop into Rue 21. They have the coolest collection of petite-sized clothes."
Mara's voice was level. "I wouldn't know about that. I'm a few sizes bigger than you, remember?" This is great and says so much about the underlined friction and attitudes of both characters.
The dialogue flows smoothly between both girls, and will definitely have a strong appeal to the YA market.
Great beginning, my friend! Looking forward to the next chapter.
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Hi, Bev.
What a great beginning to a new story. I really like the characters, the plot and setting. The style of writing is a perfect fit for the YA market.
You have set up the main character, Mara, well in the opening paragraphs. Mara's strengths, weaknesses, family relationships and friendship with Jujee. This is a great start and grabbed me from the onset.
You've captured the feeling of teenagers, especially girls, and the underlying competitive edge and friction. One line that really reflects this so well, "If I can't get cash refunds, I'll stop into Rue 21. They have the coolest collection of petite-sized clothes."
Mara's voice was level. "I wouldn't know about that. I'm a few sizes bigger than you, remember?" This is great and says so much about the underlined friction and attitudes of both characters.
The dialogue flows smoothly between both girls, and will definitely have a strong appeal to the YA market.
Great beginning, my friend! Looking forward to the next chapter.
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Rosalyne, you have just made my day! As I know that you are more informed than most on the YA market due to your own writing and exploration of its uniqueness, I am especially glad that the narrative voice feels authentic. This chapter is a foreshadowing of things to come between Mara and Jujee. I'm excited about getting it down off the shelf and giving it a go. Especially when I know you're there to support me. Thank you so very much, my sweet friend.
Hugs, Bev
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Hi, Bev.
You are such a gifted writer! You are so observant to how people interact and speak. This comes out beautifully in your writing. I could immediately feel the underlying tension between the girls. Having gone through a similar friendship in my teens, I felt every flutter of emotion you showed in Mara. You showed so well Jujee's insecurities in the wonderful conversations between the girls. You hit it bang on! Good for you to explore all different genres of writing!
Awesome characters, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
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Hi, Rosalyne. I had more than few friends like Jujee in my teenage and, even, adult years. I would hang on to them because I was pretty desperate.
Thanks for your thumbs-up on the character conflict. Again, I just can't thank you enough, my friend. One reviewer said my character is too nice. I would say Mara may be naive, but she is certainly not stupid nice :).
XX Bev
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Hi, Bev.
Mara isn't too nice but as you said, naive. I understand her reasons for holding onto Jujee. Reading about their friendship is an exact mirror image I had with my friend all through high school and into early adulthood. I only saw the good in her, a talented singer, dancer and performer.
I didn't want to see her destruction, and how she used our friendship to make herself feel better. She was very convincing, and I believed for many years she was the more attractive person, the more talented and popular.
It took many years for me to come to the realization that our friendship was poison.
I saw her jealousy for the first time when I got engaged, and like a monster grew. It was like being slapped with a bucket of iced water. It reached it's peak when my mom got sick and I saw her true selfishness. Up until that point, I refused to allow myself to see it.
Your characters are excellent, and though this is a fictional story, it is a reflection of true life.
I'm sorry you, too, have had to experience such friendships. It's not a case of desperation, but wanting to see the good in others. You are an amazing lady with the biggest heart!
You have such wonderful insights that is reflected in your characters. This glows in your writing!
Bev, you are a wonderful friend, and such a giving person!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
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I'm blushing, and I think my head just expanded two sizes LoL. Seriously, you are the person I would go to anytime I needed a sensible, yet kind, perspective, Rosalyne. I'm truly blessed by your presence in my life. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Sonaleeka
Image and the poem complimenting each other in every aspect.
Awesome writing and enjoyable reading.Thanks for sharing .
God bless!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Image and the poem complimenting each other in every aspect.
Awesome writing and enjoyable reading.Thanks for sharing .
God bless!
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Sonaleeka, thank you so much for this very gracious review! :) Bev
Comment from boxergirl
You are definitely on to something with this story line, Bev. Your protagonist Mara sounds like a pretty typical teenage girl being raised by Christian parents. I felt lots of foreshadowing for complications during her conversation with Jujee. I also think it's important for our young people to read novels showing this type of struggle. Mara reminds me of my niece. Look forward to the next scene. 8-)
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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You are definitely on to something with this story line, Bev. Your protagonist Mara sounds like a pretty typical teenage girl being raised by Christian parents. I felt lots of foreshadowing for complications during her conversation with Jujee. I also think it's important for our young people to read novels showing this type of struggle. Mara reminds me of my niece. Look forward to the next scene. 8-)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Hi, BG. Thank you so much for this very encouraging review. I did have my niece's read and offer input, which I found helpful. But you never know if you come across a bit too strong. So, your insights really mean a lot.
:) Bev
Comment from judiverse
Great introduction of the characters. With her trouble with math, Mara sounds like a typical teenager. Her parents want to please her, as shown by the gift of tickets to a concert by her favorite musical group, Skillet. Her friend Jujee has kind of a troubled background, coming from a broken home. Have to wonder if she might make trouble for Mara, but she's delighted to go to the concert, especially when she hears that Jayson will be there. Mara feels like she has to act responsible, as this will be the first time she's attended an event without her parents. Great work. Note: I can't add too much to what I wrote before. I think you accomplished your purpose for your target audience. You show a lot of insight into Mara's character. There was one spot that looked like you intended to revise but is was just dashes or something. Best of luck with your story. juid
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Great introduction of the characters. With her trouble with math, Mara sounds like a typical teenager. Her parents want to please her, as shown by the gift of tickets to a concert by her favorite musical group, Skillet. Her friend Jujee has kind of a troubled background, coming from a broken home. Have to wonder if she might make trouble for Mara, but she's delighted to go to the concert, especially when she hears that Jayson will be there. Mara feels like she has to act responsible, as this will be the first time she's attended an event without her parents. Great work. Note: I can't add too much to what I wrote before. I think you accomplished your purpose for your target audience. You show a lot of insight into Mara's character. There was one spot that looked like you intended to revise but is was just dashes or something. Best of luck with your story. juid
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Thanks so much, Judi. I appreciate your support for my chapter. :) Bev
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You're very welcome. Something different for you, unless you plan for some demon spirit to enter the band. judi
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Not at this point.
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That's neat if you can try for something completely different. judi
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An endless stretching of my wings LoL.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is quite a comprehensive post that the author has created with this piece of work. This is an interesting addition to the story and I can see no errors.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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This is quite a comprehensive post that the author has created with this piece of work. This is an interesting addition to the story and I can see no errors.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Thank you very much, Tomes. :) Bev
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My pleasure
Comment from rtobaygo
Hi, Bev
This is my first exposure to Christian rock. The premise is sound, the relationships between characters are natural and realistic as they seem to come from the heart. The imagery and flow draws the reader into the story and into the life's of each character.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Hi, Bev
This is my first exposure to Christian rock. The premise is sound, the relationships between characters are natural and realistic as they seem to come from the heart. The imagery and flow draws the reader into the story and into the life's of each character.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Hi, Ray. Thank you for your really kind and generous review. I'm looking for just the kind of insights you offered - appreciate it! :) Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
I admire your ability to think like a teen, 'cause that's the 'voice' I hear as I read - a good kid, this Mara, though I'm afraid for her. I'll look forward to reading more of this book!
"We're comfortable you'll keep you(r) side of the bargain." - typo
Paragraph 12 - check the end of it - you've repeated "What Mara found seemed impossible"
I remain impressed, my friend, and commenting on content - concerned for Mara. That's a lot on her plate.
Now, Bev, I'm sorry to say, some things HAVE changed at FanStory. Although my sixes have been restored, I guess because this is a revive, it's not giving me the option to rate this more than five stars. :(( It deserves more, and this is the first time I've re-reviewed, but I know we can no longer RAISE a five-star rating like we used to be able to either (when someone makes the suggested changes). Sorry!
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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I admire your ability to think like a teen, 'cause that's the 'voice' I hear as I read - a good kid, this Mara, though I'm afraid for her. I'll look forward to reading more of this book!
"We're comfortable you'll keep you(r) side of the bargain." - typo
Paragraph 12 - check the end of it - you've repeated "What Mara found seemed impossible"
I remain impressed, my friend, and commenting on content - concerned for Mara. That's a lot on her plate.
Now, Bev, I'm sorry to say, some things HAVE changed at FanStory. Although my sixes have been restored, I guess because this is a revive, it's not giving me the option to rate this more than five stars. :(( It deserves more, and this is the first time I've re-reviewed, but I know we can no longer RAISE a five-star rating like we used to be able to either (when someone makes the suggested changes). Sorry!
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Hi, Dawn. Thanks for the grand review! I really appreciate your insights about the 'voice'. That's what I'm looking for from the reviews. Yes, Mara is going to be experiencing her share
of heartache because she is a good kid. You and I both know that's real life.
Hugs, Bev
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You're very welcome - my pleasure, Bev. Yep, I can imagine there's a lot of conflict to come. That's a tough age for any kid, but a good one is probably in for a whole truckload of problems, especially these days!
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Right on point, Dawn. Thanks again! :)
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Dawn, thank you so much for going into the chapter and doing another review. You gave me some great insights and suggestions for change. I'm sorry that you did not get anything for the review. I can't quite get with the tech stuff on this site. It seems to have changed very little since my hiatus-- sigh. Anyway, you're the best. Hugs!! Bev
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Oh, it was my pleasure anyway, but I wanted to let you know so you would read the new comments. :)) Hugs back. Big ones. *grin*
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Thanks for being so supportive, Dawn. I really appreciate you!
Comment from JW
Hi Bev - what a surprise, I had not seen anything from you in a long time. I hope you're doing well.
Thanks for sharing this revision.
This is very well written and should easily hold a teen's attention.
In reading this I could not help but think how well this novel should do if sold in a Christian book store.
Thanks for sharing it, Bev. JW
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Hi Bev - what a surprise, I had not seen anything from you in a long time. I hope you're doing well.
Thanks for sharing this revision.
This is very well written and should easily hold a teen's attention.
In reading this I could not help but think how well this novel should do if sold in a Christian book store.
Thanks for sharing it, Bev. JW
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Hi, JW. Well, you sure lifted my spirits. I do want to publish this book at some point. But, of course, I have to finish it first! Which I intend to do. Thank you so much for this most encouraging and generous review.
:) Bev
