Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Door Opens"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
77 total reviews
Comment from emptypage
Good write for the intended audience. I liked the story. The fresh voice was good, as well. I haven't seen your work before. And I like your user name.
Good luck with the story. I'll be watching for more.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
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Good write for the intended audience. I liked the story. The fresh voice was good, as well. I haven't seen your work before. And I like your user name.
Good luck with the story. I'll be watching for more.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much for taking time to review my chapter. I appreciate the positive feedback!
I originally joined FanStory in 2010, stayed on the site for almost six years then left to take time out
for the after-effects of a family tragedy. It's nice to be back on the site, and to be meeting 'new' folks
like yourself.
Bev
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
How great it is to see you back Bev, a big welcome from me! I always loved this story and missed it when you dropped out for a while. Hope you are well and everything okay with you, Giddy
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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How great it is to see you back Bev, a big welcome from me! I always loved this story and missed it when you dropped out for a while. Hope you are well and everything okay with you, Giddy
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Giddy, it's wonderful to hear from you! Thank you so much for taking time to re-read the chapter. My plan is to finish it this time around, and I do appreciate your encouragement. Hope to be catching up with wonderful writing now that I'm back on the site.
I found I missed the wonderful family here at FanStory, especially special folks like you.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Waking the next morning, she felt more at peace. Underneath her friend's tough exterior, Mara heard God whisper, was a hurting heart. The bitter divorce of Jujee's parents had left her angry and confused.
I believe God's word, through music, can work miracles, Mara thought. The concert could end up being an awesome experience for both of us.
Apart from the weird formatting you could not help this is brilliant! I enjoyed it so very much. I think it was great thankyou for sharing your talent love Meia xx
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Waking the next morning, she felt more at peace. Underneath her friend's tough exterior, Mara heard God whisper, was a hurting heart. The bitter divorce of Jujee's parents had left her angry and confused.
I believe God's word, through music, can work miracles, Mara thought. The concert could end up being an awesome experience for both of us.
Apart from the weird formatting you could not help this is brilliant! I enjoyed it so very much. I think it was great thankyou for sharing your talent love Meia xx
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Meia, thank you so very much. I especially appreciate you taking time to read the chapter despite the annoying formatting. I feel very encouraged by your lovely review!
Blessings, Bev
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a well written story, well told, easy to follow and understand.
Mara's issues are real to a young girl and her reactions seem natural.
Your characters and relationships are clear.
Well done.
Sharon
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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This is a well written story, well told, easy to follow and understand.
Mara's issues are real to a young girl and her reactions seem natural.
Your characters and relationships are clear.
Well done.
Sharon
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much, Sharon, for your encouragement. I appreciate your insights.
Bev
Comment from Sugarray77
I loved this story and can relate to it personally. Thanks for sharing it with us. I thought the story line flowed well with good sequencing and conclusion. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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I loved this story and can relate to it personally. Thanks for sharing it with us. I thought the story line flowed well with good sequencing and conclusion. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Hi, Sugarray. Thank you so much for taking time to read my chapter and for your encouragement. I appreciate it!
Bev
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is just what young teens will read, it will resonate with many who are going through this. I think Mara is a kind, sensitive young lady, with loving parents whom she loves back. Her friend needs her more than ever now, and she will be there for her. Lovely story, my friend. I'll be watching for the next part. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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This is just what young teens will read, it will resonate with many who are going through this. I think Mara is a kind, sensitive young lady, with loving parents whom she loves back. Her friend needs her more than ever now, and she will be there for her. Lovely story, my friend. I'll be watching for the next part. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Hi, Sandra. Thank you very much for this lovely review. I feel most encouraged by your insights. Chapter Two will be coming next week.
I really appreciate you taking time to read and review!
:) Bev
Comment from Marge Setzer
I enjoyed every word of this coming-of-age story. Teenagers wrestle with many problems and sometimes we take their concerns lightly. I think you have done a good job attacking some concerns from the teenager's point of view and I'm certain the young readers will relate. There are many good young adult novels on the market, and frankly some of them are quite appealing. As a former teacher I found many challenging, interesting, and creative. I think yours has the same qualities. Some editing suggestions: Thoughts do not need to be in italics. Substitute "Mara" for "her" in sentence 1 of paragraph 4 or eliminate since. Many of your sentences start with an "ing" word. Try using past tense. It would be consistent with the rest of your piece...i.e. paragraph 8 -Pulling out the envelope, etc. See what you think of "Mrs. Devlan pulled out..." Good luck with your book. I'm anxious to see what happens next. Thanks for sharing. Marge
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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I enjoyed every word of this coming-of-age story. Teenagers wrestle with many problems and sometimes we take their concerns lightly. I think you have done a good job attacking some concerns from the teenager's point of view and I'm certain the young readers will relate. There are many good young adult novels on the market, and frankly some of them are quite appealing. As a former teacher I found many challenging, interesting, and creative. I think yours has the same qualities. Some editing suggestions: Thoughts do not need to be in italics. Substitute "Mara" for "her" in sentence 1 of paragraph 4 or eliminate since. Many of your sentences start with an "ing" word. Try using past tense. It would be consistent with the rest of your piece...i.e. paragraph 8 -Pulling out the envelope, etc. See what you think of "Mrs. Devlan pulled out..." Good luck with your book. I'm anxious to see what happens next. Thanks for sharing. Marge
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Marge, thank you very much for your excellent review. I know that I have a habit of using 'ing' words, something I developed because Grammarly keeps telling me I'm using passive voice LoL. I think your suggestions have merit and will look for ways to make the changes.
I really appreciate your taking time to read my chapter and send along your insights.
Bev
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I think the audience you are writing for would enjoy this chapter and would be able to understand Mara's dilemma, asking Jujee to go with and worried she'd bail out at the last minute. It held my interest and its a lot if years since I was a teen. Just one edit suggestion
Look at (it) this way, Jujee
cheers.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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I think the audience you are writing for would enjoy this chapter and would be able to understand Mara's dilemma, asking Jujee to go with and worried she'd bail out at the last minute. It held my interest and its a lot if years since I was a teen. Just one edit suggestion
Look at (it) this way, Jujee
cheers.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Thanks for your very helpful review, Pearl. I'm glad you caught that omission.
Bev
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Writingfundimension,
In the light of Author Note, it's a nice piece of General Fiction having smooth flow, and beautifully depicting its theme.
Lucid and matching the theme phraseology.
Keep it up!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Hello Writingfundimension,
In the light of Author Note, it's a nice piece of General Fiction having smooth flow, and beautifully depicting its theme.
Lucid and matching the theme phraseology.
Keep it up!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Thank you, RP, for taking time to read my chapter and offer your helpful insights. I really do appreciate the support and
encouragement!
Bev
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Bev, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Zue65
I enjoyed reading your story and I just wished more writers would explore subjects like this about Christians and their struggles confronting the challenges in mainstream schools that do not encourage students to pray and deny Jesus in many cases. Thanks for choosing this subject. God bless.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2018
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I enjoyed reading your story and I just wished more writers would explore subjects like this about Christians and their struggles confronting the challenges in mainstream schools that do not encourage students to pray and deny Jesus in many cases. Thanks for choosing this subject. God bless.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2018
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Hi, nassus. Thank you for this most encouraging review! I feel, as you do, that we need to have positive examples for young people to follow so that they are not afraid to act with decency and respect.
Blessings, Bev
