Already Gone
The most deadliest thing in this world is ourselves.16 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
and everlasting void - typo - an everlasting
a void claiming its resident inside of me - do you mean claiming its residence inside of me?
good alliteration in phrases like can't catch/slowly suffocating
impassioned expression of intense emotion
he won't let me - add the apostrophe
it won't work - add the apostrophe
a compelling look at the damage one can suffer from the cruel, taunting comments of another
Brooke
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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and everlasting void - typo - an everlasting
a void claiming its resident inside of me - do you mean claiming its residence inside of me?
good alliteration in phrases like can't catch/slowly suffocating
impassioned expression of intense emotion
he won't let me - add the apostrophe
it won't work - add the apostrophe
a compelling look at the damage one can suffer from the cruel, taunting comments of another
Brooke
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Thanks for your help and for pointing out the errors!
Comment from crazy gemini
Great title and great poem. Shows the despair and hopelessness that the person feels. The most deadly thing in the world is ourselves. We all constantly doubt our abilities and let others affect how we feel about ourselves. Great use of language clawing, praying, poisoning, taunts etc
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Great title and great poem. Shows the despair and hopelessness that the person feels. The most deadly thing in the world is ourselves. We all constantly doubt our abilities and let others affect how we feel about ourselves. Great use of language clawing, praying, poisoning, taunts etc
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your review! I am glad you enjoyed my poem
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Themundanegirl,
Welcome to FS. It's a lot of fun here. I hope you enjoy.
What a sad piece, full of sorrow, doubt, depression of the highest order. I hope this is just a poem, and noting more.
Penned very well.
~~ Stray comma. [] delete
I try to scream, "Help!"[,]
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Hi, Themundanegirl,
Welcome to FS. It's a lot of fun here. I hope you enjoy.
What a sad piece, full of sorrow, doubt, depression of the highest order. I hope this is just a poem, and noting more.
Penned very well.
~~ Stray comma. [] delete
I try to scream, "Help!"[,]
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Thank you, and I already am enjoying it, I love writing. And thanks for letting me know about the grammar mistake!
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You are most welcome. (*<*)
Comment from lalajovanoski
great free verse poem
I very much enjoyed this fine, well composed, inspiring piece,
Well done!
Very captivating!!
Thanks for sharing!!
this is an interesting poem - I had to read it twice to really figure it out. It is full of vivid concrete imagery
This was a very intriguing read!!! Very captivating, clever, and inspiring
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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great free verse poem
I very much enjoyed this fine, well composed, inspiring piece,
Well done!
Very captivating!!
Thanks for sharing!!
this is an interesting poem - I had to read it twice to really figure it out. It is full of vivid concrete imagery
This was a very intriguing read!!! Very captivating, clever, and inspiring
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your kind words
Comment from risktaker
When we believe lies told to us by people around us we are harmed tremendously.
Letting the devil convince you that you have no value and that you need to kill yourself is truly deceitful. When we have low self-esteem and wallow in self-pity and self-loathing, we fall victim to self destruction. It is so important to watch our thoughts and to stay strong and hopeful. Well written. Message understood.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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When we believe lies told to us by people around us we are harmed tremendously.
Letting the devil convince you that you have no value and that you need to kill yourself is truly deceitful. When we have low self-esteem and wallow in self-pity and self-loathing, we fall victim to self destruction. It is so important to watch our thoughts and to stay strong and hopeful. Well written. Message understood.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Thank you, for your kind words, I am glad you understood what I meant
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ok
Comment from Pyrrho
You choice of background and word colors make this close to unreadable on my screen.
Your note, "The most deadliest things in this world are ourselves," does not fit (for me) with the subject poem which reads like n external, rather than internal, attack. thus the docked star for being off from excellent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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You choice of background and word colors make this close to unreadable on my screen.
Your note, "The most deadliest things in this world are ourselves," does not fit (for me) with the subject poem which reads like n external, rather than internal, attack. thus the docked star for being off from excellent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your feedback
