Lean
Old Shed...41 total reviews
Comment from Kingsland
That was an excellent thought process on the picture at hand. That structure looked like it would collapse if you leaned on it. The poem was well written and it has good poetic devices in its thoughts and phrases. I enjoyed reading it... John
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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That was an excellent thought process on the picture at hand. That structure looked like it would collapse if you leaned on it. The poem was well written and it has good poetic devices in its thoughts and phrases. I enjoyed reading it... John
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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LOL Indeed this poor shed was near collapse when I took the pic John. Much appreciate you stopping by.
Cheers P
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi closetpoetjester - I love your poem - you have written a charming story about an old shed and it captured my imagination. Well rhymed in good abab form. I loved the line (touch of humour) 'I crept up close but wasn't game to sneeze' - very good. I really enjoyed this. I love a poem about a simple thing like your shed that;s turned into a good poem. Poor shed!!! LOL. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Hi closetpoetjester - I love your poem - you have written a charming story about an old shed and it captured my imagination. Well rhymed in good abab form. I loved the line (touch of humour) 'I crept up close but wasn't game to sneeze' - very good. I really enjoyed this. I love a poem about a simple thing like your shed that;s turned into a good poem. Poor shed!!! LOL. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Many thanks Dorothy, I appreciate your sixer review and wonderfully warm comments. I really WASN'T game to sneeze which worked out well for my rhyme scheme haha.
Seriously though, many thanks for stopping by and being charmed by my old lean-to.
Cheers P
Comment from Domino 2
I feel I'm going the same way as your shed, P, and I hope you 'cry a little' for me, too. :-)
GREAT to see you around again, I've really missed your fun and talent.
I hope work is still going well.
You've lost none of your poetic ability, and this is a pleasure to read with it's wonderful meter and rhymes, plus the very original and real topic.
You cleverly make your approach seem like stalking an animal.
Excellent personification of the shed, and genuine sadness expressed by the observer.
Hope to 'see' more of you. Any news from Paula, as she's disappeared, too - along with many old talented friends. The site just isn't the same anymore.
Cheers, Ray xx
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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I feel I'm going the same way as your shed, P, and I hope you 'cry a little' for me, too. :-)
GREAT to see you around again, I've really missed your fun and talent.
I hope work is still going well.
You've lost none of your poetic ability, and this is a pleasure to read with it's wonderful meter and rhymes, plus the very original and real topic.
You cleverly make your approach seem like stalking an animal.
Excellent personification of the shed, and genuine sadness expressed by the observer.
Hope to 'see' more of you. Any news from Paula, as she's disappeared, too - along with many old talented friends. The site just isn't the same anymore.
Cheers, Ray xx
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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LOL Surely not Ray...if thats the case I'll be absolutely howling honey! LOL
Thanks for stopping in with a sixer and delightful analysis. Nope, haven't seen Paula in ages...she is SUCH a talent and I miss her dearly as I do you. The site ISN'T the same anymore. Thats why I couldn't be bothered much of late. Plus it's bloody school hols so I have two tiny creatures to amuse. Fun, fun and a bit more fun.
Take care sweets, catch up real soon. Hope you are going better than your review suggests. I could give you a knee massage. You probably won't walk after, though haha.
Love P
x
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LOL, P.
You must be psychic, as my knee is my main problem - must be all the friggin fat it has to support. :-) xx
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Better to have fat knees than a fat ass or belly...or do you have those too? LMAO
Comment from tw4fun
Charming in a unique way, I must say-- You bring this inanimate object (Your Shed) to lifecleverly-- and express your feeling eloquently. Writing like this will get you noticed, so prepare for many compliments if you continue.--- Your ryhme scheme is superb and I enjoyed the sincerity of your conclusion
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Charming in a unique way, I must say-- You bring this inanimate object (Your Shed) to lifecleverly-- and express your feeling eloquently. Writing like this will get you noticed, so prepare for many compliments if you continue.--- Your ryhme scheme is superb and I enjoyed the sincerity of your conclusion
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Many thanks tw...much appreciate you stopping by with a sterling review.
Cheers P
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hi, Phillippa - long time no see!
This piece IS serious I suppose, but still retains a light-hearted feel to it - the multiple ANE rhyming words contribute to that.
The meter is as sweet as ever and I guess if I was of a philosophical bent, I could gain some metaphorical lessons out of the old shed - clinging on grimly but destined to eventually fall.
Hope 2015 is good to you.
Steve
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Hi, Phillippa - long time no see!
This piece IS serious I suppose, but still retains a light-hearted feel to it - the multiple ANE rhyming words contribute to that.
The meter is as sweet as ever and I guess if I was of a philosophical bent, I could gain some metaphorical lessons out of the old shed - clinging on grimly but destined to eventually fall.
Hope 2015 is good to you.
Steve
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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LOL Oh I didn't mean THAT serious. I meant "serious" for me LOL. Thanks for stopping by Steve and for your delightful review. I had not intended the human parallels but take what you will...Many thanks
Cheers P
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I always get a chuckle out of people who read WAY more into my poems than I ever intended! :O)
Steve
Comment from Pyrrho
Except for just a tad more reverse-syntax than I can reasonably stomach, this is outstanding for both rhyme-meter-and-content so I will swallow the reversals and award the assessment you deserve.
You are still cute as ... you .. .and I love your smile.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Except for just a tad more reverse-syntax than I can reasonably stomach, this is outstanding for both rhyme-meter-and-content so I will swallow the reversals and award the assessment you deserve.
You are still cute as ... you .. .and I love your smile.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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LOL You old charmer, you...I concede, reverse syntax can be annoying if an over saturation occurs. Dammit, I thought I had JUST the right amount. I'll go back and take yet aNOTHER look LOL and tweak it where I can.
Much appreciate the sterling response to this AND the sixer.
Cheers P
PS No need to hit on me, I like you already LMAO
I'm kidding. I'm NOT too old to take a compliment. Thank YOU Sir.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Well done my friend, good to see you,
Yes, you have shown your serious poetic side in this one. We have a lot in common, especially an empathetic heart for old buildings and such. Your photo is perfect for the write. You captured not only the picture itself, but the essence of the structure and the history it must have known.
:-) Well done, Carolyn
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Well done my friend, good to see you,
Yes, you have shown your serious poetic side in this one. We have a lot in common, especially an empathetic heart for old buildings and such. Your photo is perfect for the write. You captured not only the picture itself, but the essence of the structure and the history it must have known.
:-) Well done, Carolyn
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Hey Carolyn, many thanks for enjoying this and for your kindred interest. I agree, such history behind these structures. I am constantly in awe. I appreciate your review and sterling sixer.
Cheers P
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. This is a really nice piece with great rhyme and flow. I also love sheds and old buildings and it is sad when they go to meet there maker LOL. One suggestion, if I may be so bold...
"Then wondered was if that day might be its last"...take out "was"
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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G'day mate. This is a really nice piece with great rhyme and flow. I also love sheds and old buildings and it is sad when they go to meet there maker LOL. One suggestion, if I may be so bold...
"Then wondered was if that day might be its last"...take out "was"
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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You are a legend Fezza, thanks muchly for picking up that spag and glad to know you're a lover of erosion and the characteristics it etches upon the once stately structures of our time. Funny thing is, I think they have a LOT more character once they are three parts f**ked. LOL
LOVED your review AND spag help. Thanks so much
Cheers P
Comment from tfawcus
I guess we all begin to lean and wobble a bit with age, so this makes a nice extended metaphor, too. There is great charm in old and derelict buildings, not only because of the way nature has of enhancing them with the soft colourings of rust and crazy angles, but also in many cases wildly creeping vegetation and silhouettes of dead trees.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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I guess we all begin to lean and wobble a bit with age, so this makes a nice extended metaphor, too. There is great charm in old and derelict buildings, not only because of the way nature has of enhancing them with the soft colourings of rust and crazy angles, but also in many cases wildly creeping vegetation and silhouettes of dead trees.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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Indeed we all do Tony. Thanks for stopping by with a terrific review.
Cheers P
Comment from A TARNISHED KNIGHT
I liked this a lot CPJ.. Your serious side is quite charming I must say.. Being I am more of a meter eater than a meter Reader I still appreciate the skill that goes into Meter time And your meter never seems to teeter Ok Ok I have a comical side as well.. One that not all appreciate though lol'TK
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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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I liked this a lot CPJ.. Your serious side is quite charming I must say.. Being I am more of a meter eater than a meter Reader I still appreciate the skill that goes into Meter time And your meter never seems to teeter Ok Ok I have a comical side as well.. One that not all appreciate though lol'TK
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015
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LOL Well there is a Jester here who appreciates humour in ANY and ALL forms. I appreciate your metronomical attentiveness this afternoon also. Thanks for stopping by Oh Tarnished One!
Cheers P
