Stories of the Dreamtime
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Jayawah's Terrible Lesson."Aboriginal myths and legends.
19 total reviews
Comment from aryr
I found it interesting that the sun and moon were addressed as family, which is our way as well. Again it was a good lesson of listening to one's elders and respecting them. Although the twins were now basically rejected by the older tribe, they put what they learned to good use in teaching others. Very well done, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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I found it interesting that the sun and moon were addressed as family, which is our way as well. Again it was a good lesson of listening to one's elders and respecting them. Although the twins were now basically rejected by the older tribe, they put what they learned to good use in teaching others. Very well done, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Thanks so much for reading, glad you enjoyed. Blessings, Kay.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Oh my, I love this for so many reasons. My grandson, adult who suffers from autism, and I were having a discussion the other day about how survivors would manage if there was a disaster that destroyed everything. I was telling him how we would have to live on the natural things such as nuts, plants, berries and would have to relocate by fresh water. I like how the tribe took care of their own. I especially like the wrap-up with children being taught to respect animals. Nothing to suggest for improvement.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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Oh my, I love this for so many reasons. My grandson, adult who suffers from autism, and I were having a discussion the other day about how survivors would manage if there was a disaster that destroyed everything. I was telling him how we would have to live on the natural things such as nuts, plants, berries and would have to relocate by fresh water. I like how the tribe took care of their own. I especially like the wrap-up with children being taught to respect animals. Nothing to suggest for improvement.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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Hello Jean, Thank you for reading and so pleased that you liked the message. Today, we take too much for granted. Our people lived off the land for thousands of years and Australian natives are the oldest in the world - 60,000 years! Love, Kay.
Comment from Selina Stambi
follow the Jandawarra tribe(.) (T)hey were happy people
billabong was dark and deep(,) (a)live with fish and water-
cackled Kookaburra(.) "(M)any juicy snakes and mice for me to
Hi Kanga,
I love your stories with a moral in them. Well written, my dear. What a tough price to pay for being self-centered and disobedient.
Hope you're doing well.
Love,
Sonali :) xxx
forgotten the children(.) (T)hey drove the twins
mourned their loss(,) (t)hrowing ashes from the cold fires upon their heads as a sign
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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follow the Jandawarra tribe(.) (T)hey were happy people
billabong was dark and deep(,) (a)live with fish and water-
cackled Kookaburra(.) "(M)any juicy snakes and mice for me to
Hi Kanga,
I love your stories with a moral in them. Well written, my dear. What a tough price to pay for being self-centered and disobedient.
Hope you're doing well.
Love,
Sonali :) xxx
forgotten the children(.) (T)hey drove the twins
mourned their loss(,) (t)hrowing ashes from the cold fires upon their heads as a sign
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Hello Sonali, Thanks for reading and editing; doing fine, how are you? Kay :-) XX
Comment from Alan K Pease
Loved the short history of an aboriginal tribe. You have brought the culture and the twins clash with a spirit to their dismay. Excellent progression of the theme describing the plot and the backstory describing their history. The plot could be a inspiration for a TV program of legends of the aboriginal tribes; a tale of justice in nature and the spirit world. You imagination is profound when you examine history. Regards Alan
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Loved the short history of an aboriginal tribe. You have brought the culture and the twins clash with a spirit to their dismay. Excellent progression of the theme describing the plot and the backstory describing their history. The plot could be a inspiration for a TV program of legends of the aboriginal tribes; a tale of justice in nature and the spirit world. You imagination is profound when you examine history. Regards Alan
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Hello Alan, Thanks so much for reading, I wish my English was profound as well! Still learning and hoping to be better each day. Thank you for the sixer. Blessings, K.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a sad story. Children should be punished for being naughty, and the twins were given a harsh punishment. In the end they were treated the same way they had treated the old crocodile. It is the same today, but these days most naughty disrespectful children, have learnt to be that way from how their parents act. This is a lovely story, Kay, bringing in more of the ways of the Australian tribes. I liked how you brought into the story the uses of skins and the tastes of creatures we wouldn't think of eating. Well written, Kay and another of your wonderful stories. xsx Sandra :)
I opened this one up 2 days ago just before I was going to bed, and decided to read it the next day, so I'm glad you reminded me. Do that, please, if I haven't reviewed a story of your after the first day. xxx
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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What a sad story. Children should be punished for being naughty, and the twins were given a harsh punishment. In the end they were treated the same way they had treated the old crocodile. It is the same today, but these days most naughty disrespectful children, have learnt to be that way from how their parents act. This is a lovely story, Kay, bringing in more of the ways of the Australian tribes. I liked how you brought into the story the uses of skins and the tastes of creatures we wouldn't think of eating. Well written, Kay and another of your wonderful stories. xsx Sandra :)
I opened this one up 2 days ago just before I was going to bed, and decided to read it the next day, so I'm glad you reminded me. Do that, please, if I haven't reviewed a story of your after the first day. xxx
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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G'day from down under! Thank you my friend, nice to know that you liked the little lesson. Love, Kay.
Comment from GracieAnn
Aussie, this is such an interesting sociocultural write that allows the reader to see a different world, so to speak. The quest for the lost tribe is heart warming. Good moral to the story about how we need to respect and take care of God's creation. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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Aussie, this is such an interesting sociocultural write that allows the reader to see a different world, so to speak. The quest for the lost tribe is heart warming. Good moral to the story about how we need to respect and take care of God's creation. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 19-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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Bless you Gracie Ann. So pleased you enjoyed - part of my book on our culture. Thank you, Kay XX
Comment from jlsavell
My dear Kace, you are an incredible story teller. You create such magic with education which makes one want to keep reading on and on and on. Exceptional work as always. I hope one month you are soon recognized as writer of the month for you are so diverse, it is mind blowing. your friend.. Jimi
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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My dear Kace, you are an incredible story teller. You create such magic with education which makes one want to keep reading on and on and on. Exceptional work as always. I hope one month you are soon recognized as writer of the month for you are so diverse, it is mind blowing. your friend.. Jimi
Comment Written 19-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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Jimi, Thanks so much for reading my friend. I am working on another chapter to my little book. Hope you are well? Love, Kay XX
Comment from adewpearl
Sister moon kissed - I would capitalize Sister Moon and Brother Sun
You set the stage effectively in your opening
vivid description of the drought-ridden setting as the residents make their move
love all the Australia-specific things you include
unlike the humans, who relied on - add the comma
strong action verbs add to the life of the scene
to try and scare him away - try to scare
crocodile that decided to take up - crocodile who decided
Effective intro of Kurria and the conflict/danger he brings
change their selfish ways, and so he intervened - add comma
Throwing ashes from the cold fires - a fragment, not a complete sentence
A powerful closing, so sad, that teaches your story's lesson extremely well in a compellingly dramatic way
Great story, my friend - I'm always so impressed by how authentic your stories sound, both in content and narrative voice :-) a few too many spag errors to give it a six, but it certainly would be otherwise
Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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Sister moon kissed - I would capitalize Sister Moon and Brother Sun
You set the stage effectively in your opening
vivid description of the drought-ridden setting as the residents make their move
love all the Australia-specific things you include
unlike the humans, who relied on - add the comma
strong action verbs add to the life of the scene
to try and scare him away - try to scare
crocodile that decided to take up - crocodile who decided
Effective intro of Kurria and the conflict/danger he brings
change their selfish ways, and so he intervened - add comma
Throwing ashes from the cold fires - a fragment, not a complete sentence
A powerful closing, so sad, that teaches your story's lesson extremely well in a compellingly dramatic way
Great story, my friend - I'm always so impressed by how authentic your stories sound, both in content and narrative voice :-) a few too many spag errors to give it a six, but it certainly would be otherwise
Brooke
Comment Written 19-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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Hello Mrs Pearl, Thanks for reading and editing. I get different editing from Jay and you. I don't understand what a -- is, instead of a - which, you don't mind. Still, I take it all in and try to make my work better. I am working on another story about our wild Dingo. Thank you Possum XX
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Yes, you should use an em dash, the double -- in these instances -- I just didn't think it was any big deal so didn't mention it.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Aussie, wow mate that brought back so many memories from my teenage years after I was adopted by the Nyumal tribe of the Pilbara in Western Australia. You told that in true Elder fashion and I applaud you on it. Cheers and respect, Fez
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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G'day Aussie, wow mate that brought back so many memories from my teenage years after I was adopted by the Nyumal tribe of the Pilbara in Western Australia. You told that in true Elder fashion and I applaud you on it. Cheers and respect, Fez
Comment Written 19-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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Hey Fez! Please think about writing short stories from the Nyumal tribe? You must have many good memories. Thanks for reading and I am glad someone understands! Cheers and blessings, Kay. XX
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G'day Kay, I loved it mate. I will write them at some point I have many good stories from my family. Cheers Fez
Comment from Tatarka2
I loved the message, the dialogue, and the wonderful lesson here. I learned so much about a people I knew nothing about. Thank you for writing this terrible and wonderful tale. There is something here for everyone to learn.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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I loved the message, the dialogue, and the wonderful lesson here. I learned so much about a people I knew nothing about. Thank you for writing this terrible and wonderful tale. There is something here for everyone to learn.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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Thanks so much for reading; glad you found the tale interesting. Blessings, Kay.
