Wilderness Encounter
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Down the mountain"A love story of two loners who meet by accident
2 total reviews
Comment from vapros
Chapter 22 has some engaging features, and you have engineered your post very well. I found it to be very long for a single post. Until the last few paragraphs, the only action centered on the horses, and I thought that part was a bit excessive. Nothing but conversation about coming events, until the girls actually packed up and began their trip. This was encouraging, and indicates action - possibly in the next chapter.
This post is in need of proofreading. I noted several small SPAGs that were missed: Whiney/whinny, sparing/sparring, sence/since, savor/savory, to/too (overgrown), a period is needed after lullaby. Sleep should begin another sentence. Pine needles will rustle - I'm not sure pine cones will.
All in all, an interesting chapter. A bit long, as I mentioned, and in need of reading. At the end of such a chapter, look back at it, and ask yourself if you have gotten good mileage out of your words, and have you entertained readers enough to bring them back? Your dialogue is good, but the action is lacking. Best of luck.
v
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Chapter 22 has some engaging features, and you have engineered your post very well. I found it to be very long for a single post. Until the last few paragraphs, the only action centered on the horses, and I thought that part was a bit excessive. Nothing but conversation about coming events, until the girls actually packed up and began their trip. This was encouraging, and indicates action - possibly in the next chapter.
This post is in need of proofreading. I noted several small SPAGs that were missed: Whiney/whinny, sparing/sparring, sence/since, savor/savory, to/too (overgrown), a period is needed after lullaby. Sleep should begin another sentence. Pine needles will rustle - I'm not sure pine cones will.
All in all, an interesting chapter. A bit long, as I mentioned, and in need of reading. At the end of such a chapter, look back at it, and ask yourself if you have gotten good mileage out of your words, and have you entertained readers enough to bring them back? Your dialogue is good, but the action is lacking. Best of luck.
v
Comment Written 27-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your detailed review. It is very educational. Do stop by again.
Comment from emrpoems
Good use of dialogue that seems natural
Good interaction between characters
Holds the reader's interest right through
Good use of descriptive language that creates vivid imagery
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Good use of dialogue that seems natural
Good interaction between characters
Holds the reader's interest right through
Good use of descriptive language that creates vivid imagery
Comment Written 27-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you stopping by, please do so again.
