Lost and Found
Orphan huddles in garbage - found by Santa?16 total reviews
Comment from Jean Lutz
Such a warm ending to a story filled with the coldness of being alone. Laced with hope. I am hearing of and actually encountered some strange animal appearances lately. Who knows? Best wishes with your entry.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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Such a warm ending to a story filled with the coldness of being alone. Laced with hope. I am hearing of and actually encountered some strange animal appearances lately. Who knows? Best wishes with your entry.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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Hello my friend Jean, Yes, the animal spirits come to comfort us. I am so pleased that you enjoyed the children's story. Have a blessed Christmas. Love, Kay :-)XX
Comment from Eigle Rull
This very nicely written story is well worth the six stars I'm giving you. This is a wonderful, uplifting story of the Christmas wonders. The story line was great, and the dialog was also. I enjoyed it because it was interesting and held my attention. And, because it had the perfect ending. Thank you for sharing it, my friend.
Have a wonderful Christmas and new year, my friend.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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This very nicely written story is well worth the six stars I'm giving you. This is a wonderful, uplifting story of the Christmas wonders. The story line was great, and the dialog was also. I enjoyed it because it was interesting and held my attention. And, because it had the perfect ending. Thank you for sharing it, my friend.
Have a wonderful Christmas and new year, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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Thank you Eigle. Tis the season to be merry. Not much to be merry about these days. Bless you, Kay. XX
Comment from Jay Squires
A very entertaining and well-thought-out story. I enjoyed it immensely. Unfortunately, there was a lot of SPAG. I needed to deduct a star for that. As soon as you let me know you've made the corrections, I shall return the star to you.
shattered by his hunger and lonliness, where was Santa? [This is a run-on sentence (or a comma-spice). You have two complete sentences separated by a comma. You need a punctuation OTHER THAN a comma after "lonliness"]
He was beginning to think that he had made a huge mistake [I'll advise you what I was advised: avoid any UNNECESSSARY THATs. In the above sentence, you can easily do without it.]
His tiny tummy began to rumble [I love this sentence. The use of the word "tiny" makes it work.]
- nothing to eat since his oatmeal breakfast. [when separating a clause from another with the use of an EM Dash, you must use TWO dashes, not one. Only use one for a hyphenated word.]
and he grabbed the left over food. [grabbed the leftover food (conjoined word)]
"My name is Spud," the dog answered. [paragraph space here. You need to space with every change of dialogue, too.]
"I'm waiting for Santa," George's teeth chattered. [This is not a dialogue tag, but a dialogue identifier. If it were simply George said, you would have used a comma and a closed quote. With this, however, you use a period. And you follow, as you did, with "George's teeth chattered." >> After this, you also need to space for change of dialogue.]
gave each of his reindeers a cherry - red apple. [for a hyphenated word, don't space on either side of the dash.]
at the two cold friends laying still, [cold friends LYING still.]
far from his thoughts.. George [Only one period ... unless you want a three dot ellipsis, then space before and after.]
who is Spud? " [You have an extra space before the closed quote.]
Throughout this post, you have had paragraph spacing concerns. You need to go in and edit manually the paragraph spaces.
wanted to know if you were alright, "allright" is not a word. Change to ALL RIGHT.]
I have been searching for you for twelve long years." [Earlier she said it was for ten years.]
the jolly fat man had a second job this time of year - Santa Clause. [Santa Claus]
Don't forge to let me know when you've made the corrections. Importantly, make sure you make the paragraph spaces. It has to be done manually. But it's important.
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shattered by his hunger and lonliness, where was Santa? [You completely reordered this sentence. I like it better the way you rewrote it!]
With the proper spacing your story really opened up. It breathes! I found one you missed: "Then she was gone."
You did a marvelous job with your editing. Excellent.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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A very entertaining and well-thought-out story. I enjoyed it immensely. Unfortunately, there was a lot of SPAG. I needed to deduct a star for that. As soon as you let me know you've made the corrections, I shall return the star to you.
shattered by his hunger and lonliness, where was Santa? [This is a run-on sentence (or a comma-spice). You have two complete sentences separated by a comma. You need a punctuation OTHER THAN a comma after "lonliness"]
He was beginning to think that he had made a huge mistake [I'll advise you what I was advised: avoid any UNNECESSSARY THATs. In the above sentence, you can easily do without it.]
His tiny tummy began to rumble [I love this sentence. The use of the word "tiny" makes it work.]
- nothing to eat since his oatmeal breakfast. [when separating a clause from another with the use of an EM Dash, you must use TWO dashes, not one. Only use one for a hyphenated word.]
and he grabbed the left over food. [grabbed the leftover food (conjoined word)]
"My name is Spud," the dog answered. [paragraph space here. You need to space with every change of dialogue, too.]
"I'm waiting for Santa," George's teeth chattered. [This is not a dialogue tag, but a dialogue identifier. If it were simply George said, you would have used a comma and a closed quote. With this, however, you use a period. And you follow, as you did, with "George's teeth chattered." >> After this, you also need to space for change of dialogue.]
gave each of his reindeers a cherry - red apple. [for a hyphenated word, don't space on either side of the dash.]
at the two cold friends laying still, [cold friends LYING still.]
far from his thoughts.. George [Only one period ... unless you want a three dot ellipsis, then space before and after.]
who is Spud? " [You have an extra space before the closed quote.]
Throughout this post, you have had paragraph spacing concerns. You need to go in and edit manually the paragraph spaces.
wanted to know if you were alright, "allright" is not a word. Change to ALL RIGHT.]
I have been searching for you for twelve long years." [Earlier she said it was for ten years.]
the jolly fat man had a second job this time of year - Santa Clause. [Santa Claus]
Don't forge to let me know when you've made the corrections. Importantly, make sure you make the paragraph spaces. It has to be done manually. But it's important.
-----------------------------------------------------------
shattered by his hunger and lonliness, where was Santa? [You completely reordered this sentence. I like it better the way you rewrote it!]
With the proper spacing your story really opened up. It breathes! I found one you missed: "Then she was gone."
You did a marvelous job with your editing. Excellent.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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Jay, you certainly know what real reviewing means! Take into account that it is regional dialect from Oz - we don't spell the same or join words like Americans. No excuses for the other points made, I thank you for the best review I have had in six years! Christmas blessings, Kay. I will take the time to read your edits.
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You are kind with your accolades, Kay. You are a very good writer and this is such an intriguing story--so warm and tender. I do try to make allowances for regional differences. I am discovering more and more of them as I read a greater number of British, Australian and Canadian posts. Why can't well all agree to the American model? I'm kidding! Kay, I thoroughly enjoyed your post and am looking forward to reading more of them. I returned the purloined star, happily. Besides, it was making a hole in my pocket, and made it difficult to sit down.
Have a blessed Holiday, and may your writing really take off in 2015. Jay
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Jay, You made me laugh. I accidently entered the wrong contest. I meant to write a story about Christmas - then panic! So the intro was terrible. The feedback I am getting is wonderful. I have written a small book of 10 chapters about our Aboriginal Dreamtime if you care to look sometime. Thanks for the extra star which is now on top of the Christmas tree! Our language is different and you wouldn't be able to understand our tribal language at all! LOL - Happy Christmas new friend and I hope Santa is good to you. Best wishes, Kay :-) XX
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You are so warm and personable. It's nice to see we're of the same generation, I being a tad older. Is your Aboriginal Dreamtime available on Amazon? It sounds intriguing.
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Jay, How could you be older than this old girl - 70 next year. I don't know about Amazon, you will find the chapters in my Portfolio. Every American that has read it, has been intrigued with our culture. I wrote it for children, only short chapters. Bless you my new friend so far away. :-) Kay XX
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I'm older by 5 years, "old girl". I will check them out, probably tomorrow, since it's past 10:30 here and the news is about to begin.
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Tanka you grandpa! Tee, Hee.
Comment from country ranch writer
very nice work up and if more people cared for the orphans this time of year it would be a wonderful blessing, when kids live there until they turn 18 it is so sad no one wanted them for one reason or another.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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very nice work up and if more people cared for the orphans this time of year it would be a wonderful blessing, when kids live there until they turn 18 it is so sad no one wanted them for one reason or another.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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Thanks so much Barbara; glad you liked it. Happy Christmas!
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MERRY CHRISTMAS to you my friend
Comment from adewpearl
lonliness - loneliness
hunger and loneliness, where - make that a period
you set the stage dramatically
and introduce the boy effectively
left over burgers - leftover
and he grabbed -had grabbed
What's your name, dog - add the comma for direct address
away from Spud, - make that a period
don't talk to people, - make that a period
Don't worry, George - add comma
you came into the hospital, who is - make it a period
May I sit down, George - add comma
cried tears of joy, at last - make that a period
Santa Clause - Claus
great use of dialogue
good character development
a touching story with likable characters
perfect for kids for Christmas when all endings should be happy ones :-) Brooke
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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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lonliness - loneliness
hunger and loneliness, where - make that a period
you set the stage dramatically
and introduce the boy effectively
left over burgers - leftover
and he grabbed -had grabbed
What's your name, dog - add the comma for direct address
away from Spud, - make that a period
don't talk to people, - make that a period
Don't worry, George - add comma
you came into the hospital, who is - make it a period
May I sit down, George - add comma
cried tears of joy, at last - make that a period
Santa Clause - Claus
great use of dialogue
good character development
a touching story with likable characters
perfect for kids for Christmas when all endings should be happy ones :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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Thanks so much Brooke, I will edit it again. Glad you liked it. Blessings, K.
Comment from Leineco
This really is a feel good Christmas story (tears in my eyes not withstanding - LOL) I enjoyed every second of this read :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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This really is a feel good Christmas story (tears in my eyes not withstanding - LOL) I enjoyed every second of this read :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Christmas blessings to you across the miles. Love, Kay.
