Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "And Where It Lands...."Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
12 total reviews
Comment from Joe_P
The story is turning out to be thrilling. It reminds me of Robin Hood chased in the forest.
Notes:
1. "The sound of arrows filled the air." I'll take your word that flying arrows make a sound, but in movies, victims hear arrows just before they strike.
2. "Trellitia and the Oracle were being ignored and almost to the woods." I suggest that you change this from passive (were being ignored) to active and state who ignores them. "The soldiers ignored Trellita and the Oracle, who had almost reached the woods."
3. "The old witch can wait and the fool she is with." This sentence seems to be incomplete.
4. "The demon girl and the doctor, they are the real danger." A run-on sentence. Perhaps a hyphen in place of the comma.
5. "They are on foot, we are on horseback." Run-on. Perhaps add the word "and" before "we".
Great story,
Joe
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The story is turning out to be thrilling. It reminds me of Robin Hood chased in the forest.
Notes:
1. "The sound of arrows filled the air." I'll take your word that flying arrows make a sound, but in movies, victims hear arrows just before they strike.
2. "Trellitia and the Oracle were being ignored and almost to the woods." I suggest that you change this from passive (were being ignored) to active and state who ignores them. "The soldiers ignored Trellita and the Oracle, who had almost reached the woods."
3. "The old witch can wait and the fool she is with." This sentence seems to be incomplete.
4. "The demon girl and the doctor, they are the real danger." A run-on sentence. Perhaps a hyphen in place of the comma.
5. "They are on foot, we are on horseback." Run-on. Perhaps add the word "and" before "we".
Great story,
Joe
Comment Written 09-Dec-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Exciting stuff and I want to read on, but you had to go and ruin my fun by ending the chapter. Grrr... Next time, make the chapter 10,000 words and finish the book, okay? :)
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Exciting stuff and I want to read on, but you had to go and ruin my fun by ending the chapter. Grrr... Next time, make the chapter 10,000 words and finish the book, okay? :)
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
Comment from Gargantuan2
Nice chapter, I like the bit with the oracle. Characters are abundant in this story and they are mixed well into the plot now. I look forward to the next segment of your story :)
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Nice chapter, I like the bit with the oracle. Characters are abundant in this story and they are mixed well into the plot now. I look forward to the next segment of your story :)
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
Comment from CR Delport
I take it that was Valerius who blew the horn. Seems like Cervantes had seen the light and sees Cicero for the fool he is, or at least that is what Julia believes. This is another well crafted chapter.
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I take it that was Valerius who blew the horn. Seems like Cervantes had seen the light and sees Cicero for the fool he is, or at least that is what Julia believes. This is another well crafted chapter.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
Comment from Nosha17
I am so glad they are spared for the moment. I am sure with the reinforcements the enemy will be defeated. Great chapter with lots of action and tenderness. Most enjoyable as always. Faye
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I am so glad they are spared for the moment. I am sure with the reinforcements the enemy will be defeated. Great chapter with lots of action and tenderness. Most enjoyable as always. Faye
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
Comment from Sasha
I am SO relieved the arrow missed Julia. There is a lot of tension and intrigue in this one. It seems the soldiers will never find them, they know the woods so much better. Still, I am waiting for Cicero's demise...and please make it a painful one.
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I am SO relieved the arrow missed Julia. There is a lot of tension and intrigue in this one. It seems the soldiers will never find them, they know the woods so much better. Still, I am waiting for Cicero's demise...and please make it a painful one.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
A lot happening in this chapter, Mikey.
Only one nit found.
The walked slowly searching for them. [THEY walked... >> I'm late with my review, so I'm sure this has already been pointed out to you.]
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A lot happening in this chapter, Mikey.
Only one nit found.
The walked slowly searching for them. [THEY walked... >> I'm late with my review, so I'm sure this has already been pointed out to you.]
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
The enemy has changed their attack. They look for Julia and the doctor. That means the others can help them. The soldiers are armed and on horses. But they are out of their element. The group knows the forest. Great work.
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The enemy has changed their attack. They look for Julia and the doctor. That means the others can help them. The soldiers are armed and on horses. But they are out of their element. The group knows the forest. Great work.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
Comment from emrpoems
You do know how to keep your readers on their toes.
Filled with excitement and intrigue.
Well developed so that the story moves at a good pace.
Enjoyed reading the chapter with eloquent language and good dialogue
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You do know how to keep your readers on their toes.
Filled with excitement and intrigue.
Well developed so that the story moves at a good pace.
Enjoyed reading the chapter with eloquent language and good dialogue
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
Comment from Michaelk
So there's a posse coming and Cervantes seems to think people loved Leo. I think he's in for a rude awakening. Nice distraction with the horn but how much good will it do if they just go get horses and continue the chase. I loved the oracle's little speech. I'm not sure how the posse will find anybody at this point.
Another great chapter.
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So there's a posse coming and Cervantes seems to think people loved Leo. I think he's in for a rude awakening. Nice distraction with the horn but how much good will it do if they just go get horses and continue the chase. I loved the oracle's little speech. I'm not sure how the posse will find anybody at this point.
Another great chapter.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
