Sometimes Roses, Sometimes Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Love Unbound"A collection of sonnets
12 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Mikey
Winner of a sonnet contest. Congratulations. From humble beginnings he came, and conquered. :)))
"Soft gossamer ...", "Father Time takes pity on my eyes",
"The looking glass reflects our steps so grand.
We glide with starlit twirls and moon-shone spins."
"A waltz adagio--our souls soar free
Our love transcends a mere eternity"
Beautiful and eloquent phrasing full of great passion. As far as I can tell the meter is spot on.
"My lips bestow a kiss upon her hand.: .... lovely, dreamy, just what a gal wants to hear. Love through the years, yes, develops like fine wine. Sounds great read aloud. Some excellent poetic techniques such as alliteration, consonance, especially of 's' which to me provides a crispness of tone, assonance providing the soft echo in the background. I've enjoyed the presentation and the great image which complements so well. Enjoy the kudos ... I'm not sure if this is the first sonnet you've won. Well done sonneteer. :))) Hugs - Lovi xoxox
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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Hi Mikey
Winner of a sonnet contest. Congratulations. From humble beginnings he came, and conquered. :)))
"Soft gossamer ...", "Father Time takes pity on my eyes",
"The looking glass reflects our steps so grand.
We glide with starlit twirls and moon-shone spins."
"A waltz adagio--our souls soar free
Our love transcends a mere eternity"
Beautiful and eloquent phrasing full of great passion. As far as I can tell the meter is spot on.
"My lips bestow a kiss upon her hand.: .... lovely, dreamy, just what a gal wants to hear. Love through the years, yes, develops like fine wine. Sounds great read aloud. Some excellent poetic techniques such as alliteration, consonance, especially of 's' which to me provides a crispness of tone, assonance providing the soft echo in the background. I've enjoyed the presentation and the great image which complements so well. Enjoy the kudos ... I'm not sure if this is the first sonnet you've won. Well done sonneteer. :))) Hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment Written 10-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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Hi! I should just frame this and put it on my wall. I fear my huge smile is exposing "a couple" of wrinkles though. I think I did win another one about time. But, this is the one I look at and think, "you wrote a good sonnet". Humble beginnings is no exaggeration! I wrote only free verse when I first arrived. I never dreamed I'd get this daDum daDum thing through my skull. But, I did!! I'm so pleased that you like this. I'll be forcing the household to call me "Sonneteer" all day. That's a BIG improvement over my usual nicknames!! Thank you so much. I've learned a lot about using words from you. mikey
Comment from mfowler
You have cracked the code with this, m. You have the sonnet form down beautifully. Your exploration of love over time and its ability to survive ageing and death, is wonderfully rendered via the sustained imagery of the dance. Perfect turn in vs 3, without losing the central focus of the dance and the theme. You will win this by a streak and deservedly so. It's a pity the field wasn't bigger as you would receive a mor ejust reward in fantasy dollars Ha Ha.
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You have cracked the code with this, m. You have the sonnet form down beautifully. Your exploration of love over time and its ability to survive ageing and death, is wonderfully rendered via the sustained imagery of the dance. Perfect turn in vs 3, without losing the central focus of the dance and the theme. You will win this by a streak and deservedly so. It's a pity the field wasn't bigger as you would receive a mor ejust reward in fantasy dollars Ha Ha.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2014
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
Beautiful sonnet with just as beautiful artwork, both complementing each other.
Stunning presentation. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*,*)
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Hi,
Beautiful sonnet with just as beautiful artwork, both complementing each other.
Stunning presentation. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*,*)
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
Comment from Drew Delaney
i really, really like this sonnet. I love sonnets, especially when they are well written. I wish you the best in this contest, whoever you are. You do have a gift of writing sonnets. Drew
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i really, really like this sonnet. I love sonnets, especially when they are well written. I wish you the best in this contest, whoever you are. You do have a gift of writing sonnets. Drew
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
Comment from kiwisteveh
This is a powerful love sonnet in a romantic, slightly old-fashioned style, which suits the theme of love as we grow old.
Rhyme and meter perfectly controlled and the structure is great as well.
'moon shone' caught me for a moment. Do you think a hyphen might be in order?
As I have just mentioned to another entrant in this contest, I would like to see the the initial metaphor (the dance in your case) revisited at the end of the poem just to add a sense of completion and unity. That's just nit-picking really....
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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This is a powerful love sonnet in a romantic, slightly old-fashioned style, which suits the theme of love as we grow old.
Rhyme and meter perfectly controlled and the structure is great as well.
'moon shone' caught me for a moment. Do you think a hyphen might be in order?
As I have just mentioned to another entrant in this contest, I would like to see the the initial metaphor (the dance in your case) revisited at the end of the poem just to add a sense of completion and unity. That's just nit-picking really....
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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Yes, a hyphen. I think you are correct. I agree completely with your point. Not nit-picking at all. I changed it a bit to reflect your suggestion. I think it works much better now. Great tip. Thank you very much!
Comment from flylikeaneagle
I like your color choices with the soft pink, easier to read for me. I like the kiss on the hand and your last two lines. So sweet and eternal. I lost the other review I was typing so this is me, not some mystery one. Hope that this note goes to you. Well written. flylikeaneagle
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I like your color choices with the soft pink, easier to read for me. I like the kiss on the hand and your last two lines. So sweet and eternal. I lost the other review I was typing so this is me, not some mystery one. Hope that this note goes to you. Well written. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
Comment from Joan E.
I've been married 43 years and enjoyed your message. Your sound choices also were very appealing. I especially liked the compelling, final line of your sonnet: "Our love transcends a mere eternity".
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I've been married 43 years and enjoyed your message. Your sound choices also were very appealing. I especially liked the compelling, final line of your sonnet: "Our love transcends a mere eternity".
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
Comment from Eternal Muse
A very impressive and moving sonnet. It has great depth to it - alas, Father Time's grip wont escape any of us, though our loving eyes may not notice any changes in our loved ones.
Gorgeous image to enhance your words.
I like the airy, dance-like thing to the whole thing - you feel like you are in a ballroom watching the couple dance.
Enchanting.
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A very impressive and moving sonnet. It has great depth to it - alas, Father Time's grip wont escape any of us, though our loving eyes may not notice any changes in our loved ones.
Gorgeous image to enhance your words.
I like the airy, dance-like thing to the whole thing - you feel like you are in a ballroom watching the couple dance.
Enchanting.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
Comment from Goodauthor
What a beautiful, heartfelt sonnet. From beginning to end you can see the picture the artist is painting, but your simple words spread on Eagle's wings, and soar into eternity. I enjoyed the read.
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What a beautiful, heartfelt sonnet. From beginning to end you can see the picture the artist is painting, but your simple words spread on Eagle's wings, and soar into eternity. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
Comment from Domino 2
Very romantic sonnet of how love can last through the years and even grow stronger in many ways not experienced at first.
Very sweet tribute to your lady of 'grace'.
Top meter and rhymes, though I'd respectfully suggest trying to avoid reverse syntax too often, especially to meet the rhymes, as this can appear forced.
Excellent.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
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Very romantic sonnet of how love can last through the years and even grow stronger in many ways not experienced at first.
Very sweet tribute to your lady of 'grace'.
Top meter and rhymes, though I'd respectfully suggest trying to avoid reverse syntax too often, especially to meet the rhymes, as this can appear forced.
Excellent.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
