Of Mice and Women
Short Story44 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
I here ya'll I hear y'all? Illuminating that smiling and being civil to some kids is worse than cussing or beating them. farfetched? maybe a hair. Excellent.
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I here ya'll I hear y'all? Illuminating that smiling and being civil to some kids is worse than cussing or beating them. farfetched? maybe a hair. Excellent.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
Genius, Mikey. Loved the plot and the storyteller's voice. Very entertaining.
Couple suggestions:
1. 3rd paragraph from the end--should be 'couple women' instead of 'couple woman.'
2. Do you really mean "Frances?" (a woman's name?) If not, the male version is "Francis."
Great story. Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2014
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Genius, Mikey. Loved the plot and the storyteller's voice. Very entertaining.
Couple suggestions:
1. 3rd paragraph from the end--should be 'couple women' instead of 'couple woman.'
2. Do you really mean "Frances?" (a woman's name?) If not, the male version is "Francis."
Great story. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2014
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Hi! I skipped the millions of responses I'm behind to say hello! Good to see you back, hope you had fun. Glad you liked this. It was totally fun to write. I fixed those "test mistakes". Yep, you're on the ball and caught them. Good job! mikey
Comment from emrpoems
Well, at least people interested in such a thing.-Is a word missing in this sentence?
Great creative imagination to come up with this and plot and develop it.
Well done and very entertaining
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Well, at least people interested in such a thing.-Is a word missing in this sentence?
Great creative imagination to come up with this and plot and develop it.
Well done and very entertaining
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Ingenious idea to cause disruption and sort those jerks out. You are very creative, but you already know that! Great story line, well thought out plot and most enjoyable as always. Faye
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Ingenious idea to cause disruption and sort those jerks out. You are very creative, but you already know that! Great story line, well thought out plot and most enjoyable as always. Faye
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
Highly entertaining and beautifully thought out. Don't know what is scarier; the ending or the author's devious mind that came up with the plot. Is there something we need to know? Superb on all fronts.
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Highly entertaining and beautifully thought out. Don't know what is scarier; the ending or the author's devious mind that came up with the plot. Is there something we need to know? Superb on all fronts.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from Gargantuan2
A twelve year old terrorist might be a little more trouble than this in the middle east, but this smacks of the type of terror Huck Finn might get into. This being said, I did enjoy the read. a few things to look at in the piece:
If fact they were friendly
In fact they were friendly
Everyone wants to know why when
Everyone wants to know why, when
tables cleared ane the kitchen closed
tables cleared and the kitchen closed
Until next time :)
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A twelve year old terrorist might be a little more trouble than this in the middle east, but this smacks of the type of terror Huck Finn might get into. This being said, I did enjoy the read. a few things to look at in the piece:
If fact they were friendly
In fact they were friendly
Everyone wants to know why when
Everyone wants to know why, when
tables cleared ane the kitchen closed
tables cleared and the kitchen closed
Until next time :)
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
This is so damn funny it is ridiculous. Hawww!!!!ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð??? it has plenty of undertones too that creep in kind of subliminily. Genius stuff. The cats!!!! ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???
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This is so damn funny it is ridiculous. Hawww!!!!ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð??? it has plenty of undertones too that creep in kind of subliminily. Genius stuff. The cats!!!! ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???ð???
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I love it. Very weird, like you, Mikey, and that makes it interesting and fun to read. What a bizarre imagination you have. Remind me to stay on your good side! LOL!
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I love it. Very weird, like you, Mikey, and that makes it interesting and fun to read. What a bizarre imagination you have. Remind me to stay on your good side! LOL!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
Funny! Mikey, this is funny stuff. I've got some criticism, but it doesn't take away from the Tom Sawyer humor of the piece!
I knew how one remained poor, as a necessity, to further the security of those wealthy few standing on their aching backs. [If you're going to use "their aching backs" then you have to change the subject to "people" or some other such plural. If you're going to use "one remained" then you'll have to change the object to "HIS aching back" ALL THAT SAID, as I read on it is heavily in the vernacular, so you can probably ignore my injunction, LOL.]
if Mrs. Mendelbaum was fellin' charitable. [FEEL'N charitable]
if Mrs. Mendelbaum was fellin' charitable. [This sentence seems too adult and "cultured" for a 12 year old ... as well as heinous in the next paragraph.]
To be honest I find them revulsive.[REPULSIVE?]
Mom had a busy day gussying up one Southern belle after another. Pops was doin' well too at his new job. [This is the level of language I would expect]
One of the women couldn't smile any wider. {hahahahaaha!!!]
throwing their panties through the air and laying on the ground ["LYING" if he is 12 going on 25 and a graduate of Harvard!]
"Release the cats". [[Oh... This is too much! Hahahaha!]
The only thing you need to do is decide on voice. His age, education, intelligence.]
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2014
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Funny! Mikey, this is funny stuff. I've got some criticism, but it doesn't take away from the Tom Sawyer humor of the piece!
I knew how one remained poor, as a necessity, to further the security of those wealthy few standing on their aching backs. [If you're going to use "their aching backs" then you have to change the subject to "people" or some other such plural. If you're going to use "one remained" then you'll have to change the object to "HIS aching back" ALL THAT SAID, as I read on it is heavily in the vernacular, so you can probably ignore my injunction, LOL.]
if Mrs. Mendelbaum was fellin' charitable. [FEEL'N charitable]
if Mrs. Mendelbaum was fellin' charitable. [This sentence seems too adult and "cultured" for a 12 year old ... as well as heinous in the next paragraph.]
To be honest I find them revulsive.[REPULSIVE?]
Mom had a busy day gussying up one Southern belle after another. Pops was doin' well too at his new job. [This is the level of language I would expect]
One of the women couldn't smile any wider. {hahahahaaha!!!]
throwing their panties through the air and laying on the ground ["LYING" if he is 12 going on 25 and a graduate of Harvard!]
"Release the cats". [[Oh... This is too much! Hahahaha!]
The only thing you need to do is decide on voice. His age, education, intelligence.]
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2014
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So relieved that you liked this. When I write something that is truly right out of my brain, I worry that it is TOOOOO right out of my brain. :) I wrote like this when I was twelve, me and Dana Starkey. We read Dickens and all the guys said I was gay while I did their girlfriends. Hahahaha! I can no longer distinguish what I'm making up from what really happened! I guess I'm the only one that uses revulse. Even spell check rejects it! He's extremely bright and destined to become obsessed with Fanstory. mikey
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This was thoroughly enjoyable and Fun-neeee!
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
oh my goodness. What a read. As my Mama would say...what a hoot. This was the best read I have read in a long time. Laughed in some, cried in others(from laughing), and thoroughly enjoying it all. The last part put a picture in my mind I cant get out.
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oh my goodness. What a read. As my Mama would say...what a hoot. This was the best read I have read in a long time. Laughed in some, cried in others(from laughing), and thoroughly enjoying it all. The last part put a picture in my mind I cant get out.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
