Thorn in my heart
A Story in a Poem50 total reviews
Comment from el twelve
that was so well written, I read every word eagerly for what was next. I like the line about - a sealed vacuum of your own air space, I don't know what it is, but that sentence is powerful.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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that was so well written, I read every word eagerly for what was next. I like the line about - a sealed vacuum of your own air space, I don't know what it is, but that sentence is powerful.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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Hi El twelve,
thank you very much for your very kind words within this wonderful review, most appreciated.
I guess the line in question relates to my friend Kim being in a crowded bar, but seemly having her own space, like having a little invisible force field around her... still remember looking down the bar and seeing this scene, even after all this time.
Take care and hope to see your name popping up in my inbox with regularity.
With our thoughts we create,
the power to act,
James xx
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello James,
I read this while I was away, reviewed on an ipad and lost it before I saved it ... so frustrating!
Your writing, as I keep saying, gets more polished with each post, my friend.
You touched me deeply with this free verse poem of remembrance.
Returned on Monday. Still struggling to adjust to the time change.
Will be in touch.
Sonali :) :)
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Hello James,
I read this while I was away, reviewed on an ipad and lost it before I saved it ... so frustrating!
Your writing, as I keep saying, gets more polished with each post, my friend.
You touched me deeply with this free verse poem of remembrance.
Returned on Monday. Still struggling to adjust to the time change.
Will be in touch.
Sonali :) :)
Comment Written 28-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Hi Sonali,
there was no need for you to have reviewed this my dear lady... but in saying that, it's always really good to know what you thought, so thank you ever so much... I know you must have had so many postings to review, so I do feel special.
I should imagine you'll have a far branch or topics for your muse to create with, after having journeyed for the past month... one things for sure, I did enjoy our conversations with an actual voice this time... it really put the voice in my memory that I can now relate to your words. You are a beautiful lady with an exceptional heart... truly glad the universe brought you into my life... rest up and adjust peacefully my friend.
With our thoughts we create,
insight to learn with,
James xx.
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It was amazing to put voices and faces to names. So glad I was able to speak to Jade too. I feel I know her as well.
I just found out that Curly Girly had posted a piece on our meeting in NZ. Check out 'Sisters' on her page, if you have a moment.
Will be in touch. Still SO jet lagged. xx
Comment from michaelcahill
This has an amazing rhythm and flow to it. I love the rhyme too that is running through it not quite with a pattern but it gives it a musical kind of feel like a folk song in a way. A wonderful in depth look back, pondering things that you can do nothing about. We do that though, especially us artists that think like that anyway. I find myself reliving the strangest moments. Sometimes they are big moments like this, but other times they are small in the scheme of things. Still I think about what I should have said. It wouldn't have mattered then and it certainly doesn't matter now. Well, never a bad time for a tangent. This was a terrific piece of poetry. Loved it. mikey
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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This has an amazing rhythm and flow to it. I love the rhyme too that is running through it not quite with a pattern but it gives it a musical kind of feel like a folk song in a way. A wonderful in depth look back, pondering things that you can do nothing about. We do that though, especially us artists that think like that anyway. I find myself reliving the strangest moments. Sometimes they are big moments like this, but other times they are small in the scheme of things. Still I think about what I should have said. It wouldn't have mattered then and it certainly doesn't matter now. Well, never a bad time for a tangent. This was a terrific piece of poetry. Loved it. mikey
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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Hi Mike,
thanks so much for your encouraging comments and of course this review. I think most of us as writers at times, love to retrace our thoughts and actions... and if for nothing else, to improve who we are as people by learning from our misgivings or mistakes... this is a great review my friend... most appreciated.
With our thoughts we create,
options and choices,
James.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was so sad. But, you cannot keep bashing yourself for being just a kid, who knew it all, at 17! We can all put ourselves in a situation of, 'if only'. The fact you felt that bad when you were told, shows you do have compassion. Have you tried to see her since? It's never too late, you know. Your poem poured with guilt and remorse, your emotions come through strongly, now forgive yourself for not being there. I am sure she already has. Sandra xsx
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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That was so sad. But, you cannot keep bashing yourself for being just a kid, who knew it all, at 17! We can all put ourselves in a situation of, 'if only'. The fact you felt that bad when you were told, shows you do have compassion. Have you tried to see her since? It's never too late, you know. Your poem poured with guilt and remorse, your emotions come through strongly, now forgive yourself for not being there. I am sure she already has. Sandra xsx
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Hi Sandra,
no, I never got to see or speak to Kim again... I was in hospital for over three months form complications on a shoulder op... ended up four op's... the hospital was in another city and after that my life went a bit crazy for a while... so you see this was just a thought about a friend I never got to help or apologize to... so I guess this was an apology of sorts?
Thank you so much for your very compassionate review and comments, you are truly appreciated.
With our thoughts we create,
options and choices,
James xx
Comment from tfawcus
A difficult poem to write with such honesty of feeling. Your description of loneliness is spot-on and the 'sea of blurring outlines' is a marvellous phrase. I guess we all have our regrets but some, like this one, hang heavily on the mind. This has to be worth the six I haven't got.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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A difficult poem to write with such honesty of feeling. Your description of loneliness is spot-on and the 'sea of blurring outlines' is a marvellous phrase. I guess we all have our regrets but some, like this one, hang heavily on the mind. This has to be worth the six I haven't got.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Hi Tfawcus.
No worries about the rating, the review spoke volumes and I'm very appreciative of that... hope your day/week/month/year turns out to be as good as you sentiments... regrets are just thoughts not yet released... thank you friend.
With our thoughts we create,
options and choices,
James.
Comment from amahra
Very sad, but interesting story about your friend. It took a lot of guts to write this, but I'm sure it feels great getting it off your chest. Great job.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Very sad, but interesting story about your friend. It took a lot of guts to write this, but I'm sure it feels great getting it off your chest. Great job.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Hi Amahra,
thank you for your very fine review and sentiment... it is very appreciated.
Hopefully my chest and it's burdens will feel a little lighter now... I suppose this was the apology I never got to make in person.
With our thoughts we create,
options and choices,
James.
Comment from JW
First and foremost, I am sorry for your lost. I am sure we all have regrets - some more than others - but the main thing is to learn from mistakes, instead of letting them overwhelm us.
Your story/poem is well written. One would have to be emotionally dead not to sense the character's feelings.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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First and foremost, I am sorry for your lost. I am sure we all have regrets - some more than others - but the main thing is to learn from mistakes, instead of letting them overwhelm us.
Your story/poem is well written. One would have to be emotionally dead not to sense the character's feelings.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Hi JW,
thank you for your very fine review and sentiments, both are appreciated enormously.
With our thoughts we create,
options and choices,
James.
Comment from trimple
Hi there, James
You have written a fine story/poem about your friends loss and how you were too stoned and preoccupied to help.
You mention that the piece is long. Well, I would suggest that there are a few lines that have repeated over the same fact that you were out of your face.
Personally I see no reason to do that. What I find the most interesting here is that you do not disclose at any point, why the fella shot himself? Or about how your friend was affected in the long term.
I appreciate that this is about you and not about the friend, but I think it would read better if we were to have a wider picture. Given that it is a rather long poem/story.
This is just my honest pov
Who am I! LOL
It isn't my story, but this is how it came across to me:)
kind regards
tracey :)
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Hi there, James
You have written a fine story/poem about your friends loss and how you were too stoned and preoccupied to help.
You mention that the piece is long. Well, I would suggest that there are a few lines that have repeated over the same fact that you were out of your face.
Personally I see no reason to do that. What I find the most interesting here is that you do not disclose at any point, why the fella shot himself? Or about how your friend was affected in the long term.
I appreciate that this is about you and not about the friend, but I think it would read better if we were to have a wider picture. Given that it is a rather long poem/story.
This is just my honest pov
Who am I! LOL
It isn't my story, but this is how it came across to me:)
kind regards
tracey :)
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Hi Tracey,
first of all, thank you for the review my friend... it is appreciated.
The reason for the suicide? Don't know.
The reason for not a broader look at how it affected my friend... don't know... I never got to see or speak to her again... I went for surgery on my shoulder and ended in another city for three months due to complications from infection... my life was pretty screwed-up for a long while after... that's pretty much the gnawing in the mind... no resolution
take care friend.
With our thoughts we create,
options and choices,
James xx
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OH! I see!
I hadn't realised, sorry, James:)
Great story telling my friend, and I hope that you don't carry this around with you now.
Life is far too short for excess baggage.
Sometimes we just have to accept things.
We screw up sometimes....:)
hugs xxx
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OH! I see!
I hadn't realised, sorry, James:)
Great story telling my friend, and I hope that you don't carry this around with you now.
Life is far too short for excess baggage.
Sometimes we just have to accept things.
We screw up sometimes....:)
hugs xxx
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No Tracey, I don't carry it around, but it does echo from time-to-time... I was just writing my next chapter of 'The Rise and Fall' when I was first introduced to Kim... she moved in just up the street from me... it just sparked the thought, that's all... wow, if I carried all my screw-ups around my six foot-two stature might be more like four foot-two... smile))))... thanks my friend, you are a very thoughtful person... xx
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LOL
I think I over thought on this particular one, James.
:)
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You know it's all in the interpretation of words on a page... it's going to be a different read for each individual... no one can really know the truth or intention but the writer... you're a sweet lady, who is one hell of a poet and writer, that's all I know! xx.
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
G'day, James. I hadn't encountered you before this - good to meet another Aussie. I see you are a prolific poster, and from beautiful Iluka! Glad to meet you. I'm in Launceston, Tas, but lived in Qld previously, and NSW before that. I learned about you from a mutual FS follower, Sonali, aka Reaching for the Stars. I spoke to her by phone yesterday and she told me today you had called straight afterwards...
Loved this 'lyrical story in poem', all the more so because it is a true story and so very heartfelt. True stories are always the best ones... I wasn't sure about a few things and was ready to make some suggestions, but now I realise this is merely your writing style in this particular piece. Very unusual constructions and 'interpretations'. There is so much I like and admire in this, and so very little I dislike. I'm normally unapologetic with my suggestions but this is superb. I don't really 'do' poetry in any case, but would like to follow along anyway, and pay particular attention to your short stories. It will be good to read things with a little more 'local' flavour. If you know what I mean...
Anthony
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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G'day, James. I hadn't encountered you before this - good to meet another Aussie. I see you are a prolific poster, and from beautiful Iluka! Glad to meet you. I'm in Launceston, Tas, but lived in Qld previously, and NSW before that. I learned about you from a mutual FS follower, Sonali, aka Reaching for the Stars. I spoke to her by phone yesterday and she told me today you had called straight afterwards...
Loved this 'lyrical story in poem', all the more so because it is a true story and so very heartfelt. True stories are always the best ones... I wasn't sure about a few things and was ready to make some suggestions, but now I realise this is merely your writing style in this particular piece. Very unusual constructions and 'interpretations'. There is so much I like and admire in this, and so very little I dislike. I'm normally unapologetic with my suggestions but this is superb. I don't really 'do' poetry in any case, but would like to follow along anyway, and pay particular attention to your short stories. It will be good to read things with a little more 'local' flavour. If you know what I mean...
Anthony
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Hey Anthony,
please to meet you... what an introduction! Smile))))). Thanks for the cracking review and rating my new friend... it is very appreciated.
Sonali spoke a little about you when I was on the phone to her... yes just after your call... what a sweet and talented woman and writer!... she has been a real shining star in my experience here on fanstory.
I never know what is going to come in the way of poems... they just birth themselves and I follow their lead and write... this one was a bit different from my usual, but I have a wide range, but mostly free verse... as you have witnessed structure isn't my forte... but yes, you are right, most things I pen, whether they be prose or poetry come from the heart.
I will look forward to catching up to you and your writing and thanks again for the surprising and heartfelt review.
With our thoughts we create,
options and choices,
James.
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Thanks for that, James. Yes, Sonali has been an inspiration and encouragement to me. I don't post nearly as often as you (or others) are able to do - it's 'spits and spurts' for me, but readers seem to enjoy my writing, when I get around to it... :)
I'll be passing by you (on the highway) on December 1. I'm driving up to Brisbane with my 18 year old lad, who is returning to Qld in search of greener pastures. The employment situation for young people in Tas is pretty sad. He wants to land an electrical apprenticeship of some kind. I have three other children living there as well. One in Canberra, and just one left at home now. He's 17 and doing Year 12 next year.
I like your closing thoughts.
Anthony.
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Hey Anthony, would love to meet up if you have the time... trouble is, I'm still traveling to therapists appointments... and I know already the 1st of Dec is a washout for me... but maybe on the way back? I'll P/M you with my phone no as it gets closer... take care brother and safe journeying.
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Unfortunately, this time I'll be flying back. I'm only driving up to accompany my son, who is going up with his own car. He's on his 'P's and can only do 80 clicks, so imagine how long the trip would take him! It's also a long lonely drive for an 18 year old.
All is not lost, however. We are planning on moving back to Brisbane ourselves in the next 12 - 18 months. We will almost certainly have cause to be visiting your beautiful neck of the woods, or at least driving past. My mum lives at Forster and we would be visiting her from time to time.
Anthony
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Well that's a shame Anthony, maybe next time hey? No matter what, have a safe an enjoyable drive... hope your son settles in this heat... get ready to pump up the air-con brother!... I'm off to the sea... James.
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Thanks, James. Enjoy the beach!
Comment from kiwijenny
So sad the twisted mess we get into when we are young ....self centered ness boy it gets us doesn't it....
Well penned ..this was real and struck deep
God bless
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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So sad the twisted mess we get into when we are young ....self centered ness boy it gets us doesn't it....
Well penned ..this was real and struck deep
God bless
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Hi Jenny,
well yes, some of us who are lost and searching or should I say numbing our way through life go on a journey of hardship... but in saying that, the experiences rendered can offer a great insight to the correct choice of path to travel... well, sooner or later... in my case later.
Thank you so much for your kind review, it is appreciated friend.
With our thoughts we create,
options and choices,
James xx.
