Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Pandora's Box"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
25 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Harriett,
Wow!
Firstly - your style has become more polished with each posting.
Good formatting. Great dialogue.
Fabulous storyline. I was at the edge of my seat.
Looking forward to next chapter.
So very well done, Aunty dear!
Sonali xxx
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014
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Hello Harriett,
Wow!
Firstly - your style has become more polished with each posting.
Good formatting. Great dialogue.
Fabulous storyline. I was at the edge of my seat.
Looking forward to next chapter.
So very well done, Aunty dear!
Sonali xxx
Comment Written 26-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014
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Thank you so much. I haven't posted in two weeks. I'm trying to get my book, The Glass Cat Eye out by December 15. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. Happy Thanksgiving, dear.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Sorry I missed reviewing this earlier. I was gone for a couple of days, and I think it got erased from my inbox. Anyway, great continuation of this totally spellbinding novel, Amahra. Your story builds as you layer each chapter with something new and creative.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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Sorry I missed reviewing this earlier. I was gone for a couple of days, and I think it got erased from my inbox. Anyway, great continuation of this totally spellbinding novel, Amahra. Your story builds as you layer each chapter with something new and creative.
:) Bev
Comment Written 19-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2014
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Thank you so much, Bev. Thanks for remembering me.
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My pleasure, Amahra. Living your book. :)
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Sorry, meant Loving LOL.
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LOL! Living my book. I hope you mean loving my book. Because if you're living my book, you are in deep do do, my friend. Witches, and werewolves and spells, Oh, My! LOL!
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Ha, I saw my typo just as I pushed the button. I did send a message saying I meant loving and not living. Yes, I'd be in trouble if it was the latter.
Comment from Cosmic2011
I am really enjoying this story! It has a nice pace and gives just enough suspense/mystery to keep you reading and wanting more. I like the family dynamic and there is a subtle tension is felt in each chapter, but it does not over power the story. Kudos! I look forward to reading more!
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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I am really enjoying this story! It has a nice pace and gives just enough suspense/mystery to keep you reading and wanting more. I like the family dynamic and there is a subtle tension is felt in each chapter, but it does not over power the story. Kudos! I look forward to reading more!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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Thank you, Cosmic. Your remarks are so encouraging. I'm glad you are enjoying the book.
Comment from arnie47
I'm not much on poetry or fantasy or sci fi, but this chapter was well written and the dialogue was very sharp and on target. Most sci fi I read here doesn't have that quality. It's usually stiff and un relatable, yours is not. Haven't read the previous chapters so I know nothing about the Northern pack except what I read here. Nice job.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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I'm not much on poetry or fantasy or sci fi, but this chapter was well written and the dialogue was very sharp and on target. Most sci fi I read here doesn't have that quality. It's usually stiff and un relatable, yours is not. Haven't read the previous chapters so I know nothing about the Northern pack except what I read here. Nice job.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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Thank you, amie for this fantasitc and heart felt review. You've made my day. I'm so glad you enjoy this chapter.
Comment from jaeladarling
Something of an intense chapter - great read. :) I think I might have fainted for real if I'd run into a monster wolf like that. LOL Nice work on this one. :)
A few suggestions:
"Would you like a drink?" Dex shook his head no and then spoke. (The second sentence - with Dex shaking his head - should be its own paragraph.)
"I'm going to make this quick. I prefer you hear this from me." River focused attentively. (This could be attached to "Dex shook his head no and then spoke." The way both of these are written now is a little confusing as to who's talking. Just a thought.)
"Pete, Bret, Jim, now you. But they don't know where he is either." River peered across at Dex. (The "River peered across at Dex" sentence should go right in front of the very next piece of dialogue to let the reader know whose turn it is to speak. I had to go back and count just to be sure.)
"Dex stood up, and River followed," (The last comma should be a period.)
"Dex froze, but kept his back to River." (No comma)
"I've done most of it and I'll finish" (Comma after "it")
"in tight Jeans and sweatshirt," ("in tight jeans and a sweatshirt,")
"Her feet felt like led sinkers" ("lead" - and a comma after "sinkers")
"Kayla was so shakened up," ("shaken")
"A man, who looked to be in his late forties was" (Comma after "forties")
"She shook her head yes" (You shake your head no and nod your head yes.)
"She thanked Dex, but kept her eyes glued to Matt." (No comma)
"She eased next to Matt, and gazed" (No comma)
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Something of an intense chapter - great read. :) I think I might have fainted for real if I'd run into a monster wolf like that. LOL Nice work on this one. :)
A few suggestions:
"Would you like a drink?" Dex shook his head no and then spoke. (The second sentence - with Dex shaking his head - should be its own paragraph.)
"I'm going to make this quick. I prefer you hear this from me." River focused attentively. (This could be attached to "Dex shook his head no and then spoke." The way both of these are written now is a little confusing as to who's talking. Just a thought.)
"Pete, Bret, Jim, now you. But they don't know where he is either." River peered across at Dex. (The "River peered across at Dex" sentence should go right in front of the very next piece of dialogue to let the reader know whose turn it is to speak. I had to go back and count just to be sure.)
"Dex stood up, and River followed," (The last comma should be a period.)
"Dex froze, but kept his back to River." (No comma)
"I've done most of it and I'll finish" (Comma after "it")
"in tight Jeans and sweatshirt," ("in tight jeans and a sweatshirt,")
"Her feet felt like led sinkers" ("lead" - and a comma after "sinkers")
"Kayla was so shakened up," ("shaken")
"A man, who looked to be in his late forties was" (Comma after "forties")
"She shook her head yes" (You shake your head no and nod your head yes.)
"She thanked Dex, but kept her eyes glued to Matt." (No comma)
"She eased next to Matt, and gazed" (No comma)
Comment Written 14-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Wow! Thank you so much. That was very helpful. I have made every correction. Your review has been more than helpful. I'm also glad you enjoyed the chapter. I really value as a reviewer of my work. God bless you, my dear.
Comment from Neonewman
Another masterfully crafted chapter you have delivered to your fans Amahra, I was drawn in and attention held throughout as usual. God bless!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Another masterfully crafted chapter you have delivered to your fans Amahra, I was drawn in and attention held throughout as usual. God bless!
Comment Written 14-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Thank you.
Comment from marijmd
Not too great of a plan - to fall for a girl and then change in front of her - with out any control. Poor girl - and I suppose poor boy for the guilt BUT shame on him
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Not too great of a plan - to fall for a girl and then change in front of her - with out any control. Poor girl - and I suppose poor boy for the guilt BUT shame on him
Comment Written 14-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2014
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Thank you, marijmd.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for another great job of setting up your chapter to grab at us reader's emotions and stagger conflicts like foot steps, keeping us engrossed from beginning to end. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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Thanks for another great job of setting up your chapter to grab at us reader's emotions and stagger conflicts like foot steps, keeping us engrossed from beginning to end. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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thank you.
Comment from JM daSilva
"The question is which side would you be on, Brother?" Dex said the word brother like (as if is correct, but it might be dialectal for you) he had a bad taste in his mouth.
Yeah, Kayla almost became wolf food. As for the other wolves, they only talked about their saving their skin and not a thought about the poor girl who was murdered. Not much sympathy from my part, but usually movies about monsters are like that, and I understand wolves have to defend themselves somehow.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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"The question is which side would you be on, Brother?" Dex said the word brother like (as if is correct, but it might be dialectal for you) he had a bad taste in his mouth.
Yeah, Kayla almost became wolf food. As for the other wolves, they only talked about their saving their skin and not a thought about the poor girl who was murdered. Not much sympathy from my part, but usually movies about monsters are like that, and I understand wolves have to defend themselves somehow.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Sam Mendonca
Great chapter filled with excellent usage of descriptive wording.
A very interesting chapter, bringing the story line along very nicely, leaving the reader wondering what will be next.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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Great chapter filled with excellent usage of descriptive wording.
A very interesting chapter, bringing the story line along very nicely, leaving the reader wondering what will be next.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2014
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thank you,
