Lost Cause
a Civil War story set perhaps today 150 years ago.20 total reviews
Comment from Nosha17
I am sure it was a bloody, horrible war, like all wars. Without modern medicine it must have been hell. Well narrated and well drawn characters. Good dialogue and it read well. Good luck in the contest. faye
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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I am sure it was a bloody, horrible war, like all wars. Without modern medicine it must have been hell. Well narrated and well drawn characters. Good dialogue and it read well. Good luck in the contest. faye
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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I usually shy away from writing stories about war, but this one sort of wrote itself. Thanks, faye, for sharing and your best wishes.
Rod
Comment from c_lucas
Toward the end, both sides sought to bring deserters to justice. All was lost at Gettysburg. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words
Error
You really think we we got anything .(
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Toward the end, both sides sought to bring deserters to justice. All was lost at Gettysburg. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words
Error
You really think we we got anything .(
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Thank you, c_lucas, for sharing my story and your kind praise. Rod
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You're welcome, Rod. Charlie
Comment from Ben Colder
Good tight story. The reader can follow to the end wondering if this is fiction or truth. I never found any mistakes to speak of. Well done. Shalom.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Good tight story. The reader can follow to the end wondering if this is fiction or truth. I never found any mistakes to speak of. Well done. Shalom.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Ben, I always appreciate your sharing my stories and your kind praise. Rod
Comment from mfowler
This is one of those great little cameos from history where the storyteller reminds us that real people fought, died, suffered within these great conflicts. Lists of dates and facts tell big picture viewpoints, but a conversation between two boys deciding to cut and run/hobble after an horrific encounter is the stuff of reality (although this is fiction). Loved your setting, horrific description of the creek water. The dialogue felt genuine although I'm no expert on the times. But, the feelings, sentiments and communication was very real. Great story, Rod.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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This is one of those great little cameos from history where the storyteller reminds us that real people fought, died, suffered within these great conflicts. Lists of dates and facts tell big picture viewpoints, but a conversation between two boys deciding to cut and run/hobble after an horrific encounter is the stuff of reality (although this is fiction). Loved your setting, horrific description of the creek water. The dialogue felt genuine although I'm no expert on the times. But, the feelings, sentiments and communication was very real. Great story, Rod.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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I truly appreciate your comments about this story. Thanks so much for sharing. Rod
Comment from humpwhistle
This is a good story, with well-defined characters, and realistic dialogue, Rod. But I think there are still several places where you could cut extraneous words and improve the Flash Fiction aspect of the piece. Flash isn't just about word count--it's more about economy. About paring your piece down to the bare essentials.
That's what makes Flash different from a traditional short story.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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This is a good story, with well-defined characters, and realistic dialogue, Rod. But I think there are still several places where you could cut extraneous words and improve the Flash Fiction aspect of the piece. Flash isn't just about word count--it's more about economy. About paring your piece down to the bare essentials.
That's what makes Flash different from a traditional short story.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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I truly appreciate your comments, Lee, about my story. Yes, paring down a story to the bare essentials is a challenge. I spent weeks honing this one, and, like you pointed out, probably could do some more. Rod
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Rod
A well penned short story which flows well, is entertaining and real. The dialogue works well and show the friendship between the two and the relationship in their background. A strong read all the way through, the words drew me in and kept me absorbed all the way. I felt the emotions of these young men, and the hopelessness of their cause and to continue to fight and perhaps die for a war already lost. I'm glad Andy decided to take Tommy home ... I hope they make it.
A clever touch with the poor little baby birds and the letter. Creative and powerful inserts into an already strong piece of writing. I felt myself back in the time frame and your opening few sentences are exceptional in setting the scene.
"Another man, unwounded ..." -- I would think "Another man, not wounded" would sound better.
The first three sentences are excellent, drawing the reader in and setting an amazing scene ... you paint a very graphic picture of the fighting field.
A couple of minor points:-
"You really think we ... we got anything ..." ---I'm not sure whether an elipse or a comma is best here.
A fine entry for the contest and I believe a real contender for top placing. Good luck. I wish I had a six. Warm hugs - Lovi xoxox
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Hi Rod
A well penned short story which flows well, is entertaining and real. The dialogue works well and show the friendship between the two and the relationship in their background. A strong read all the way through, the words drew me in and kept me absorbed all the way. I felt the emotions of these young men, and the hopelessness of their cause and to continue to fight and perhaps die for a war already lost. I'm glad Andy decided to take Tommy home ... I hope they make it.
A clever touch with the poor little baby birds and the letter. Creative and powerful inserts into an already strong piece of writing. I felt myself back in the time frame and your opening few sentences are exceptional in setting the scene.
"Another man, unwounded ..." -- I would think "Another man, not wounded" would sound better.
The first three sentences are excellent, drawing the reader in and setting an amazing scene ... you paint a very graphic picture of the fighting field.
A couple of minor points:-
"You really think we ... we got anything ..." ---I'm not sure whether an elipse or a comma is best here.
A fine entry for the contest and I believe a real contender for top placing. Good luck. I wish I had a six. Warm hugs - Lovi xoxox
Comment Written 31-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Lovi, what would I do without your wonderful reviews. I truly appreciate the time you took to read and comment on this story. I am so pleased you liked it and found it both "entertaining and real." Using an ellipsis is usually used in non-fiction when you are quoting verbatim and want to omit a word or phrase. Yet several fiction writers use it to suggest a pause in speech. That's what I have done here. Thanks so much. Rod
Comment from Ookami Taki
Very good story! The action and dialogue not only tell us what's happening, but also pulls the reader into an emotional attachment. I really enjoyed reading this. There are only a few rough spots that a good edit will smooth out. Well done!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Very good story! The action and dialogue not only tell us what's happening, but also pulls the reader into an emotional attachment. I really enjoyed reading this. There are only a few rough spots that a good edit will smooth out. Well done!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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When a reader tells me he enjoyed reading my story, I am thrilled. Thank you so much for sharing this one. Rod
Comment from JMRoland
Hi RodG,
This story of the Civil War is well-crafted. Dialogue is believable, and the story line holds reader interest. Art work compliments the story to perfection. This reader is from the South and prefers the Southern view of the bloody conflict, which pitted brother against brother, and probably could have been avoided if Lincoln had followed a different course of action in response to the situation at Ft. Sumter.(my take on it).
JMR
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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Hi RodG,
This story of the Civil War is well-crafted. Dialogue is believable, and the story line holds reader interest. Art work compliments the story to perfection. This reader is from the South and prefers the Southern view of the bloody conflict, which pitted brother against brother, and probably could have been avoided if Lincoln had followed a different course of action in response to the situation at Ft. Sumter.(my take on it).
JMR
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2014
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I am truly pleased you found the dialog in this story believable. Using vernacular is a challenge, especially when events occurred 150 years ago. Thanks so much for sharing. Rod
Comment from Jay Squires
A good, reflective piece of flash fiction that poses the question of to whom is your allegiance: your army or your home, your word or your heart.
Well thought-out and dramatized, Rod.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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A good, reflective piece of flash fiction that poses the question of to whom is your allegiance: your army or your home, your word or your heart.
Well thought-out and dramatized, Rod.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Jay, for clearly pointing out my themes and your extremely kind praise. Rod
Comment from flylikeaneagle
RodG: You painted a beautiful picture of war and buddies sticking together, forever. I like the birds, momma flying on as the boys do. Lost but moving on. Great writing!
flylikeaneagle
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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RodG: You painted a beautiful picture of war and buddies sticking together, forever. I like the birds, momma flying on as the boys do. Lost but moving on. Great writing!
flylikeaneagle
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much for this very encouraging review. I am delighted you enjoyed the story. Rod
