Written in Cobwebs
Free verse65 total reviews
Comment from pattipac
Excellent use of descriptive phrases about the beauty of nature and its hold on you, allowing you time to slip away from the demands of your day into loving memories of times gone by. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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Excellent use of descriptive phrases about the beauty of nature and its hold on you, allowing you time to slip away from the demands of your day into loving memories of times gone by. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2014
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Thanks very much for stopping by to review, Pattipac, and for your generous comments and gift of six stars. Much appreciated!
Comment from ravenblack
Okay, Mr. Fawcus- I think you need to break to free Verse more often. This is one of your best. Your jump from cobwebs on glass to leaves showing veins in the sun and you, the observer, your own veins warmed by life, cavitation of a heart caged in time- this is your time poem linked to memory and what we make of the day. Sunshine on the patina of age wakes the dreamer, this poem a yawp- break that fast. Beautiful poem!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Okay, Mr. Fawcus- I think you need to break to free Verse more often. This is one of your best. Your jump from cobwebs on glass to leaves showing veins in the sun and you, the observer, your own veins warmed by life, cavitation of a heart caged in time- this is your time poem linked to memory and what we make of the day. Sunshine on the patina of age wakes the dreamer, this poem a yawp- break that fast. Beautiful poem!
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Hi Ravenblack - thanks very much for this most affirmative review and six stars. I'm never quite sure if I am hitting the mark with free verse. Your comments and those of others have been most encouraging.
Comment from Emily George
What a beautifully written poem with such artistic beauty in its descriptive imagery of words. A delight to read, the memories I hope of today will be as delightful as those that flood back in the Suns rays.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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What a beautifully written poem with such artistic beauty in its descriptive imagery of words. A delight to read, the memories I hope of today will be as delightful as those that flood back in the Suns rays.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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What a lovely review, Emily. Thank you so much for it and for the six stars.
Comment from Spitfire
Oh yes, our memories can be sunshine on our face if we choose the happy times. My hubby's face lights up when he talks about his Air Force days over fifty years ago. Yet his deteriorating mind can't hold what happened yesterday. So many haunting images in this, Tony.
a lifetime
written in cobwebs
on a dusty pane of glass.
the thin veins of truth
etched on leaves,
(memories do get magnified over time)
the small red flowers
in their glass, Venetian blue,
desiccated now, and dying
it's time to break my fast, --splendid analogy.
How anyone can read this and not give a six is beyond me.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Oh yes, our memories can be sunshine on our face if we choose the happy times. My hubby's face lights up when he talks about his Air Force days over fifty years ago. Yet his deteriorating mind can't hold what happened yesterday. So many haunting images in this, Tony.
a lifetime
written in cobwebs
on a dusty pane of glass.
the thin veins of truth
etched on leaves,
(memories do get magnified over time)
the small red flowers
in their glass, Venetian blue,
desiccated now, and dying
it's time to break my fast, --splendid analogy.
How anyone can read this and not give a six is beyond me.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Spitfire, for this most affirmative review and six stars. I'm never quite sure if I am hitting the mark with free verse. Your comments and those of others have been most encouraging. Have just realised on reading about your hubby that my Air Force days are now thirty years away. Time slips by!
Comment from Caressa_08
Beautiful, just beautiful...And here I say again, to you, so far away....a virtual six...Though, this one just have to bookmark...And, think we all must feel when we get a certain age, that last stanza as time seems to let us know that we just aren't as young as we used to be..And, memories, & dreams are nice though we need to act on them before time has its way....In the new day or make an effort to act on what we really want to accomplish.
Best Wishes for your entry....Caressa
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Beautiful, just beautiful...And here I say again, to you, so far away....a virtual six...Though, this one just have to bookmark...And, think we all must feel when we get a certain age, that last stanza as time seems to let us know that we just aren't as young as we used to be..And, memories, & dreams are nice though we need to act on them before time has its way....In the new day or make an effort to act on what we really want to accomplish.
Best Wishes for your entry....Caressa
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Thanks for this lovely review, Caressa, and for the honour of bookmarking my poem. I'm never quite sure if I am hitting the mark with free verse. Your comments and those of others have been most encouraging.
Comment from Treischel
I hope this wins. It drew me in to dawdle in those misty memories. Loved the imagery and metaphore: cobwebs on a dusty pane of glass, cavitation of a heart caged in time. Your words flowed majestically . I was mesmerized .
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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I hope this wins. It drew me in to dawdle in those misty memories. Loved the imagery and metaphore: cobwebs on a dusty pane of glass, cavitation of a heart caged in time. Your words flowed majestically . I was mesmerized .
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Tom, for your kind review and six stars. I have been overwhelmed by the response to this poem.
Comment from Laurie Keim
Hi T.
This is the finest poem of yours that I have read.
It is a powerful evocation of touching, catching, snagging memory. In this poem the image of remembering becomes the memory and so time gets foreshortened. As a result, subject merges with object and creates the very pleasant effect of "being" as opposed to "commenting on".
The poem is grounded:
" Caught in the light of nascent dawn,
a lifetime
written in cobwebs
on a dusty pane of glass. "
So that the magic can evolve naturally from the general setting.
The third stanza is very good: we have an emptying out, a "cavitation", a cell that is bordered like a cage. Time acts here like the pebble that carves the rockpool. The life you choose to place in this carving out by time of time is birdsong. I like this very much: birdsong as time in motion:
"a warmth that soothes
the cavitation of a heart
caged in time,
like a fluttering bird,
its song remembered well,
if now but faintly heard. "
Another strength of this poem is that the voice approaches speech, as opposed to the flamboyance of writing. And so it is with the fourth stanza that I marvel: this is fine writing, the tendril trying to snag producing this overall effect of impertinence worthy of Zen contemplation:
" Tendrils stretch
to gain the portico,
hoping it will hold aloft
the thin veins of truth
etched on leaves,
whose shimmering is backlit
by the sun god's promises. "
It evoked an atmosphere of verandah and dawn that I found full of pathos.
I enjoyed very much.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Hi T.
This is the finest poem of yours that I have read.
It is a powerful evocation of touching, catching, snagging memory. In this poem the image of remembering becomes the memory and so time gets foreshortened. As a result, subject merges with object and creates the very pleasant effect of "being" as opposed to "commenting on".
The poem is grounded:
" Caught in the light of nascent dawn,
a lifetime
written in cobwebs
on a dusty pane of glass. "
So that the magic can evolve naturally from the general setting.
The third stanza is very good: we have an emptying out, a "cavitation", a cell that is bordered like a cage. Time acts here like the pebble that carves the rockpool. The life you choose to place in this carving out by time of time is birdsong. I like this very much: birdsong as time in motion:
"a warmth that soothes
the cavitation of a heart
caged in time,
like a fluttering bird,
its song remembered well,
if now but faintly heard. "
Another strength of this poem is that the voice approaches speech, as opposed to the flamboyance of writing. And so it is with the fourth stanza that I marvel: this is fine writing, the tendril trying to snag producing this overall effect of impertinence worthy of Zen contemplation:
" Tendrils stretch
to gain the portico,
hoping it will hold aloft
the thin veins of truth
etched on leaves,
whose shimmering is backlit
by the sun god's promises. "
It evoked an atmosphere of verandah and dawn that I found full of pathos.
I enjoyed very much.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Laurie, for your detailed response and analysis and for the six stars. I am overwhelmed by your response to this poem.
Comment from Irish Rain
Just lovely, written in cobwebs, catching our pasts. I think this is a beautiful free verse, and while I hate cobwebs...you have made them quite remarkable here!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Just lovely, written in cobwebs, catching our pasts. I think this is a beautiful free verse, and while I hate cobwebs...you have made them quite remarkable here!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Thanks for your review, Irish Rain. Cobwebs aren't everyone's cup of tea, though they do make tea from some strange things these days!
Comment from Bryana
Beautiful poem, I love the content cobwebs!
Sometimes I feel I have some cobwebs in my
brain. I specially like this stanza...
My memories
flood back
as the sun's rays
surprise my face
half blinding me
wit overflowing warmth
and joy.
Thank you my friend for
sharing your beautiful poem.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Beautiful poem, I love the content cobwebs!
Sometimes I feel I have some cobwebs in my
brain. I specially like this stanza...
My memories
flood back
as the sun's rays
surprise my face
half blinding me
wit overflowing warmth
and joy.
Thank you my friend for
sharing your beautiful poem.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2014
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Thank you, Bryana. So glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Cajungirl
What an excellent free verse. I can certainly relate to the cobwebs as of late I have been reflecting on the glorious past and time has flown by. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest,
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
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What an excellent free verse. I can certainly relate to the cobwebs as of late I have been reflecting on the glorious past and time has flown by. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest,
Comment Written 03-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2014
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Thanks very much, Cajungirl, for another encouraging review and for your good luck wishes.
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you are welcome
