All You Can Eat
Anapestic Tetrameter Quatrains AABB36 total reviews
Comment from pattipac
Oh Mikey, you devil you! Great use of word-choice and rhyme-scheme make your scary poem come alive. Excellent artwork helps set the scene of your narrative poem. Good luck in the contest.
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Oh Mikey, you devil you! Great use of word-choice and rhyme-scheme make your scary poem come alive. Excellent artwork helps set the scene of your narrative poem. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from heyjude
Michael, This was fun. Too bad for those guys that
thought the place was empty. What a great picture
to go with your poem. Great rhyming. Good luck in
the contest.
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Michael, This was fun. Too bad for those guys that
thought the place was empty. What a great picture
to go with your poem. Great rhyming. Good luck in
the contest.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from Nosha17
I am not too fond of spooky, Halloween stuff, but this was more humour than horror, so I read on. Good use of rhyming, descriptive language and humour to convey your gruesome message. Good luck in the contest Faye
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I am not too fond of spooky, Halloween stuff, but this was more humour than horror, so I read on. Good use of rhyming, descriptive language and humour to convey your gruesome message. Good luck in the contest Faye
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
This perfect as far as I ca determine. The flow of this is so on the money. I read it out loud without a pause the first time thru!!!! A strong entry with an excellent story and imagery.
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This perfect as far as I ca determine. The flow of this is so on the money. I read it out loud without a pause the first time thru!!!! A strong entry with an excellent story and imagery.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I have always loved your rhyming and meter and the way it flows with emotion and description. You are the best and I love to read your pieces
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I have always loved your rhyming and meter and the way it flows with emotion and description. You are the best and I love to read your pieces
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
What a nasty little boy to lie to those gutless punks. Hahaha. I'm sure I wouldn't have been thrown out with my twenty extra pounds. Clever ghoul poem, mikey, but the humor saved it for me. I am so over all the halloween and autumn poetry. The poem has several great lines and the black background/orange font and artwork a great presentation. Thanks for posting.
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What a nasty little boy to lie to those gutless punks. Hahaha. I'm sure I wouldn't have been thrown out with my twenty extra pounds. Clever ghoul poem, mikey, but the humor saved it for me. I am so over all the halloween and autumn poetry. The poem has several great lines and the black background/orange font and artwork a great presentation. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from Loren (7)
Mikey, lets face it (no pun intended) when you decide to write poetry, you can write it with skill. You are so versatile and I wasn't expecting this, but glad I was able to read it! Loren
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Mikey, lets face it (no pun intended) when you decide to write poetry, you can write it with skill. You are so versatile and I wasn't expecting this, but glad I was able to read it! Loren
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
din't scare me a wit, [Okay... I know it's vernacular, but I just want to make sure you know it should be "whit". Wit is, you know, what I don't have a lot of.]
Hahahaha! Mikey's learned a thing or three. Course I've seen your bio-pic. This isn't strictly autobiographical, is it?
Good job, Mikey!
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din't scare me a wit, [Okay... I know it's vernacular, but I just want to make sure you know it should be "whit". Wit is, you know, what I don't have a lot of.]
Hahahaha! Mikey's learned a thing or three. Course I've seen your bio-pic. This isn't strictly autobiographical, is it?
Good job, Mikey!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from nor84
'Twasn't is a contraction for it wasn't, so maybe not I twasn't, Mikey.
As an all you can eat fest, now,>>>comma not needed AFTER now.
Very cute ending and good poem.
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'Twasn't is a contraction for it wasn't, so maybe not I twasn't, Mikey.
As an all you can eat fest, now,>>>comma not needed AFTER now.
Very cute ending and good poem.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
Comment from Just2Write
A great submission, and with Halloween so close, a very timely one.
Just a couple of things to point out that might need a bit of tweaking:
S1L1:
The old haunted mansion din't scare me a wit
The contraction of didn't to din't was okay, but I had to read it a few times to get it to sink in.
Perhaps something like:
The old haunted mansion scared me not a wit,
S2L4 - THEY SAID said, 'Welcome to supper
Consider changing the 'THEY said' to 'and said' - a little less stress on the first word.
S3L1 - Same. WELL i FROZE - It might be better to drop the word 'well' altogether. It is okay with Anapestic Meter to drop one of the first Anapest's unstressed syllables as you did in other lines.
S3L3, if you make the above change, avoid using two lines that start with the word 'I' - perhaps changing the second 'I' to 'and' might work a bit better. Also - just me, but perhaps change the line from 'froze ON the ground' to 'froze TO the ground'
A really enjoyable poem, Mikey.
Rose.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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A great submission, and with Halloween so close, a very timely one.
Just a couple of things to point out that might need a bit of tweaking:
S1L1:
The old haunted mansion din't scare me a wit
The contraction of didn't to din't was okay, but I had to read it a few times to get it to sink in.
Perhaps something like:
The old haunted mansion scared me not a wit,
S2L4 - THEY SAID said, 'Welcome to supper
Consider changing the 'THEY said' to 'and said' - a little less stress on the first word.
S3L1 - Same. WELL i FROZE - It might be better to drop the word 'well' altogether. It is okay with Anapestic Meter to drop one of the first Anapest's unstressed syllables as you did in other lines.
S3L3, if you make the above change, avoid using two lines that start with the word 'I' - perhaps changing the second 'I' to 'and' might work a bit better. Also - just me, but perhaps change the line from 'froze ON the ground' to 'froze TO the ground'
A really enjoyable poem, Mikey.
Rose.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2014
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Oh, thank you so much. I made all these changes. Yes! I see the difference right away. I thought it read well as it was, but now it is very smooth. Much better. I was hoping a kind soul would lend me some assistance!! All full. Some wonderful entries too. I'm pleased you liked this. I love this meter. Another great contest! mikey
