Minnesota Summer
Summer in Minnesota at eleven years of age.13 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I was about five feet two inches [Paragraph spacing]
They fed me many things that I didn't have on our farm. I had all kinds of desserts, [Try to avoid unnecessary "thats", Patricia. In this sentence you can get along fine without it. If you don't need them they clutter. Above this you said "I was so skinny (that) my mother..." >> just a suggestion.]
He swam over to me [Paragraph spacing.]
I spent hours going [The next three paragraph spacing errors. This is very important, since you want the reader to focus ENTIRELY on your story.
no way you would put an eleven-year-old on a bus today [So true! I was thinking about the "nice man" you mentioned. You can't trust an adult to be "nice" now.
Good job. Do try to do the paragraph spacing. It makes for so much cleaner reading.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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I was about five feet two inches [Paragraph spacing]
They fed me many things that I didn't have on our farm. I had all kinds of desserts, [Try to avoid unnecessary "thats", Patricia. In this sentence you can get along fine without it. If you don't need them they clutter. Above this you said "I was so skinny (that) my mother..." >> just a suggestion.]
He swam over to me [Paragraph spacing.]
I spent hours going [The next three paragraph spacing errors. This is very important, since you want the reader to focus ENTIRELY on your story.
no way you would put an eleven-year-old on a bus today [So true! I was thinking about the "nice man" you mentioned. You can't trust an adult to be "nice" now.
Good job. Do try to do the paragraph spacing. It makes for so much cleaner reading.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thanks Jay for the helpful review. With people like you I may well become an author. :-)
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We all help each other. That's what this site's about.
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I did go back and made some edits.
It has been almost 30 years since I took a writing course and those things were covered.
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Good; I see you got most of the paragraph spacing errors. I don't know why I'm such a stickler on that, but I know I skip past anyone who doesn't space at all for paragraphs. To me it's a sign of not caring about the reader's sensibilities.
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The spacing of paragraphs make it easier to read a piece. I find it hard to read when spacing is not good because of eyesight problems, I am losing my sight. Soon I will not be able to drive anymore and I hate that.
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I am so sorry to hear about your eyesight. I had no way of knowing.
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Because of my eyesight, it is so important for me to write my stories. Not so much for myself, but the things I have endured in life, may give hope to many people and help people understand that they need to help people.
Comment from Ookami Taki
What a wonderful collection of memories! I feel privileged to read what you've shared here. Your life experiences are truly touching and display family and social dynamics in a way not many people experience anymore. The piece will benefit from some editing later on, but the content is terrific. Keep up the good work.
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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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What a wonderful collection of memories! I feel privileged to read what you've shared here. Your life experiences are truly touching and display family and social dynamics in a way not many people experience anymore. The piece will benefit from some editing later on, but the content is terrific. Keep up the good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thank you for the review. I am sure it could use some editing, and I will look forward to help.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Pat,
Quite the summer. Pitch fork in the leg, not a walk in the park. I bet that smarted.
All that good baking does take a toll for sure -- but a yummy toll. (*.*)
Nice story. Thx for sharing.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Hi, Pat,
Quite the summer. Pitch fork in the leg, not a walk in the park. I bet that smarted.
All that good baking does take a toll for sure -- but a yummy toll. (*.*)
Nice story. Thx for sharing.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Thanks. Yes a pitchfork in the leg right at my left knee in the fleshy area. The food was yummy for sure.
