Cut and Run, Part Two
A Salon Vivant mystery48 total reviews
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Hey, super story, Bev. So, we have some ghosts to look forward to! I knew something would "materialize" soon.
Loved the phrase, 'flummox a sailor." Wonderfully descriptive.
Two employees always whispering are never a good sign. Maybe they're whispering about ghosts!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hey, super story, Bev. So, we have some ghosts to look forward to! I knew something would "materialize" soon.
Loved the phrase, 'flummox a sailor." Wonderfully descriptive.
Two employees always whispering are never a good sign. Maybe they're whispering about ghosts!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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I hate when you read my mind, Marietta LoL. I'm so glad you made it to Europe safe and sound. Hope you're having a spectacular time.
Thanks for the grand, generous review. There's a haunted salon in Building 50. My hairdresser used to work there and told me about it. The place has had nothing but problems, and I have to believe the energy is a part of all the chaos. Anywho, glad you are alive and well. hehehehehehe
Hugs, Bev
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Love your response, Bev. Is Capelli Salon the one that's haunted? Bldg. 50 in general is creepy.
Haven't run into any European ghosts . . . yet!!!
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Yes, that's the one, Marietta. As far as the European ghosts go, they may be a bit more reserved! Sleep well... hehehehehehe
Comment from ravim
Excellent piece. You can see it unfolding, little by little, drop by drop, whisper by whisper. Am I going overboard? You have created the suspense. Where the hell is that scum of a lady Deidre? Or is she alive? Yep. Ghosts are watching!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Excellent piece. You can see it unfolding, little by little, drop by drop, whisper by whisper. Am I going overboard? You have created the suspense. Where the hell is that scum of a lady Deidre? Or is she alive? Yep. Ghosts are watching!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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I don't know about overboard. You've certainly warmed this gal's heart! Thanks so much, ravim, for your very generous and encouraging review. Warmest regards, Bewv
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Am I going overboard should've been within brackets.
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Am I going overboard should've been within brackets.
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:)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
She really does have to fire Dee, but I hope it doesn't create a troublesome enemy for her. Haunted building, huh? Ghosts of Capone and his victims? I had no idea the story would go in that direction. Quite a surprise. :)
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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She really does have to fire Dee, but I hope it doesn't create a troublesome enemy for her. Haunted building, huh? Ghosts of Capone and his victims? I had no idea the story would go in that direction. Quite a surprise. :)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks for the review, Phyllis. I appreciate you're reading. :)
Comment from J Patience
Perfect. I want to know what they find in the renovation, I want to see how Justin and Nikki work out, and I'd love to see Deidre get what's coming - I know enough people like her to relish that justice. Thank you for the fantastic read.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Perfect. I want to know what they find in the renovation, I want to see how Justin and Nikki work out, and I'd love to see Deidre get what's coming - I know enough people like her to relish that justice. Thank you for the fantastic read.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much for taking time to read my story, J. I really appreciate both your generosity and encouragement. It's really most kind of you!
:) Bev
Comment from James Dooney
This is pretty cool and is a nice little memoir of the days of prohibition gone by. I love references to gangsters long departed. Good stuff !
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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This is pretty cool and is a nice little memoir of the days of prohibition gone by. I love references to gangsters long departed. Good stuff !
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much, James. Great to hear from you! :) Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Fabulous. I love the connection to Capone, and so wonderfully typical of our Lovely Bev to bring in the ghostly element.
Would make a great TV movie.
Can't WAIT to read on!
You rock. I love you.
Av
xx
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Fabulous. I love the connection to Capone, and so wonderfully typical of our Lovely Bev to bring in the ghostly element.
Would make a great TV movie.
Can't WAIT to read on!
You rock. I love you.
Av
xx
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi, Av. Thanks so much for continuing to read my story. Al Capone spent quite a lot of time in this part of Michigan. He even had a home near Lake Michigan. I guess when you 'own' Chicago, you can do that. Law enforcement up here was mostly of the Andy of Mayberry kind, so he wasn't bothered much. There also is a haunted hair salon. They developed an insane asylum property into retail, condos and restaurants. My hair stylist used to work at a place there and they had a resident poltergeist that freaked out the employees. So, I'm taking some little-known facts to spin out my yarn.
How's your editing coming along? Just read Rama's excellent piece. Haven't heard from Marietta, so she must be having a great time in Europe.
Again, thanks for your great review, encouragement and generosity, my friend.
Love ya,
Bev
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Fascinating stuff, Bev. Lots of material to draw from!
Still editing what was 'The Humbling' - I've since changed the title. It's coming along! Book sales of The Stone and Triskelion have been quite good recently, so that's made me smile! Yes, I'm sure Marietta is having a lovely time in Europe. :)
xx
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Oh, that's terrific news, Av. Quite good will soon become spectacular! XXX OO Bev
Comment from lindalcreel
So it looks like the ghosts or whoever is haunting this building doesn't want Nikki to make any adjustments or renovations. I really like where this story is going. It has all the elements -- ghosts, a young trouble maker for an employee and let's not forget the handsome architect who seems to know a lot about the building.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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So it looks like the ghosts or whoever is haunting this building doesn't want Nikki to make any adjustments or renovations. I really like where this story is going. It has all the elements -- ghosts, a young trouble maker for an employee and let's not forget the handsome architect who seems to know a lot about the building.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thanks so much, Lindal, for letting me know what you liked about this installment. Much appreciate it! :) Bev
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My pleasure:)
Comment from rama devi
Hi dear friend. Good chapter. Drew me in. Excellent deep POV and internal dialog. excellent pacing and dialog. Excellent tension build up and intensity in the closing. Compelling situation with the ghost issue in the background. Good relationship development between characters. Jut a few minor suggestions...
NOTES
*
The benefit of working decades for other people was learning the best approach to drive(driving) the engine of my own success.
*I listed out the attributes of people I admired,(no ,) and determined they all had one thing in common: Honesty.
* optional suggestion:
The fact (that) she claimed a family emergency today when, I've learned, she plans to spend the afternoon tanning at Bayshore beach, caught me by surprise.
To tighten, considering trimming THE FACT and using just THAT
*
As I sit in my office, trying to enjoy my coffee and bagel, I can feel a tight knot in my throat.
"can feel" is not optimal. Just using FEEL or SENSE works better.
*
The image of long-limbed, fitness fanatic, Sydney, pops into my mind.
too many commas. Possible alternatives to consider:
The image of long-limbed fitness fanatic, Sydney, pops into my mind.
or
The image of long-limbed, fitness fanatic Sydney pops into my mind.
Good metaphor in this line: I order myself to remember my vow not to end up in the graveyard of his kicked-aside conquests.
*
"Not a good time, Nikki. My first client is in the chair."
consider using contraction:
My first client's in the chair."
Love this: growing phenomenon of irresponsibilititis."
*I'm surprised at the euphoria I'm feeling.
Consider inserting a simile or an extra descriptive there to bring the euphoria feeling more directly to the reader.
*
I'll hear you out(,) Deidre, but there's no longer any doubt that you're a troublemaker.
Lots of Love and huge hugs,
rd
PS I know you'll fix spags so five stars in advance. Other things are optional.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Hi dear friend. Good chapter. Drew me in. Excellent deep POV and internal dialog. excellent pacing and dialog. Excellent tension build up and intensity in the closing. Compelling situation with the ghost issue in the background. Good relationship development between characters. Jut a few minor suggestions...
NOTES
*
The benefit of working decades for other people was learning the best approach to drive(driving) the engine of my own success.
*I listed out the attributes of people I admired,(no ,) and determined they all had one thing in common: Honesty.
* optional suggestion:
The fact (that) she claimed a family emergency today when, I've learned, she plans to spend the afternoon tanning at Bayshore beach, caught me by surprise.
To tighten, considering trimming THE FACT and using just THAT
*
As I sit in my office, trying to enjoy my coffee and bagel, I can feel a tight knot in my throat.
"can feel" is not optimal. Just using FEEL or SENSE works better.
*
The image of long-limbed, fitness fanatic, Sydney, pops into my mind.
too many commas. Possible alternatives to consider:
The image of long-limbed fitness fanatic, Sydney, pops into my mind.
or
The image of long-limbed, fitness fanatic Sydney pops into my mind.
Good metaphor in this line: I order myself to remember my vow not to end up in the graveyard of his kicked-aside conquests.
*
"Not a good time, Nikki. My first client is in the chair."
consider using contraction:
My first client's in the chair."
Love this: growing phenomenon of irresponsibilititis."
*I'm surprised at the euphoria I'm feeling.
Consider inserting a simile or an extra descriptive there to bring the euphoria feeling more directly to the reader.
*
I'll hear you out(,) Deidre, but there's no longer any doubt that you're a troublemaker.
Lots of Love and huge hugs,
rd
PS I know you'll fix spags so five stars in advance. Other things are optional.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Dear Rama, thanks for the excellent suggestions. I like all of them and will make those changes pronto! As always, your encouragement and support mean a lot to me. Hugs, Bev
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Thanks for your kind and gracious response, dear Bev. Means a lot to me too. Appreciate your friendship! :) Hugs and Love, rd
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You're very welcome, Rama. And I appreciate you!!
Love, Bev
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Mwah!~
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XXXOOO
Comment from bob cullen
This is a very good write. Your characters are really well drawn. the dialogue matches the characters and you've set the scene perfectly.
Moreover you've created tension and conflict which feeds the readers curiosity. This reader, at least wants to read more.
And above all, you have established a credibility into the story with solid plot, good characters and a most readable story line. I want to read more
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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This is a very good write. Your characters are really well drawn. the dialogue matches the characters and you've set the scene perfectly.
Moreover you've created tension and conflict which feeds the readers curiosity. This reader, at least wants to read more.
And above all, you have established a credibility into the story with solid plot, good characters and a most readable story line. I want to read more
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Hi, Bob. Thank you so much for this really gracious review. I appreciate your encouragement and support. :) Bev
Comment from JW
Overall Bev, this is a good chapter and it does a good job at progressing your story line.
However, that said, there is an issue of redundancy I noticed twice.
I'm calling a staff meeting for tomorrow morning at 8:30 A.M.
I want to see you in my office tomorrow morning at 8:00 A.M.
I would recommend either saying tomorrow and ? A.M. OR "tomorrow" and the just the time without the A.M.
Having both is redundant.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Overall Bev, this is a good chapter and it does a good job at progressing your story line.
However, that said, there is an issue of redundancy I noticed twice.
I'm calling a staff meeting for tomorrow morning at 8:30 A.M.
I want to see you in my office tomorrow morning at 8:00 A.M.
I would recommend either saying tomorrow and ? A.M. OR "tomorrow" and the just the time without the A.M.
Having both is redundant.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Hey, thanks so much, JW. I didn't catch that and it is, indeed, annoying. Appreciate it. :) Bev
