Comment from Shirley E Kennedy

Excellent

And weren't you exhausted by the end of the day?
A perfect format to describe the crowds, heat, long lines and difficulty for young children to see of the masses.
So glad you both found some positives for the day.
:-) Shirley

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

Thanks Shirley. Yeah, the crowds took some of the glow off the experience.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Another fine photo from you
solid rhyming couplets
you capture well the spirit of a fair - I just love those places, just like the grandkids do :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2014

Thanks Brooke. Yes, I'm sure Sawyer would love it there.

Comment from robina1978

Excellent

Excellent photo that complements your poem so well. You and your grandson must have had fun. I see from the photo how busy it was.

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2014

Thank you Ini. Really too busy.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I enjoyed your short, rhythmic quatrains about the fair--I missed our county fair this year and appreciated your photograph all the more, although we don't seem to get the attendance you do! Your rhymed couplets were quite effective. More cheers from Boston- Joan

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you Joan. An intrepid traveler would enjoy a good fair. Very nice review.

reply by Joan E. on 17-Oct-2014

Intrepid I am! Hugs- Joan

Comment from rod007

Excellent

The magnificence of the fair with the crowds, merriment and laughter. But beware of the folks with claustrophobia who may find it a bit too much. Well done, Tom.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thanks rod. Yes, that was a bit too much.

Comment from mshirachot

Excellent

It's clear in this poem that you have a good sense of humor...which is exactly what is needed for a day like you and your grandson experienced amidst those crowds!

I like the structuring you've used since it keeps things simple so that a young child can also read and enjoy.

Thanks for sharing!
Blessings!
Marsha

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you Marsha. Yup, you gotta laugh.

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Interesting meter. I haven't come across it before. It has something of the feel of the surging crowd about it. All of the crowds and the eternal queuing tend to take the shine off days like that.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you tfawcus. It was way too crowded. But we made the best.

Comment from Capricorn30

Excellent

What a huge crowd! Judging by all of these people, easily to believe the attendance for that day was highest!
Fairs attract, providing many attractions for young and old;
"special day"--thank you for sharing your day with your grandson--regardless of unfavorable conditions, spending time with family is what matters most.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you Margaret. Yes, it's the shared experience that counts.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

This is a clever poem. I'm not too familiar with A Short Meter Poem, but I would suggest you altering the second stanza.

The first,third and fourth stanza are all in the past tense.

The second stanza is in the present tense for the first two lines. I think consistency in tense trumps meter.

Others may feel differently, I don't know.

Still, it's a good poem.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you Jay. I'll consider your comment.

Comment from Glasstruth

Excellent

I can feel the fun in your writing. A time for the family to relax and enjoy. State Fairs are great. Nice aabb rhyming. Reads well. Thanks for sharing. Les

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you Les.