Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Of Man and Beast"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
28 total reviews
Comment from Loren (7)
I think you've done a great job of showing both the theme and setting of your story. I liked the background information as it was delivered in a natural, unforced way as well as how you introduced your characters and their characteristics.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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I think you've done a great job of showing both the theme and setting of your story. I liked the background information as it was delivered in a natural, unforced way as well as how you introduced your characters and their characteristics.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, Loren. I really appreciate your review.
Comment from drivenbackward
Nice start. Very in-depth. A few notes to consider:
Disturbing open, but I think that's what you were aiming for.
(Historian) for one of the local covens. -- Check spacing of words.
Putting her spell book aside -- Move back one space.
No-not my Sweet, her heart is too pure; -- Move back one space.
He remembered the many stories his grandfather -- "
"Becca ran to him, grinning. -- Delete quotation mark.
"You did fine, Honey." -- Move back one space.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Nice start. Very in-depth. A few notes to consider:
Disturbing open, but I think that's what you were aiming for.
(Historian) for one of the local covens. -- Check spacing of words.
Putting her spell book aside -- Move back one space.
No-not my Sweet, her heart is too pure; -- Move back one space.
He remembered the many stories his grandfather -- "
"Becca ran to him, grinning. -- Delete quotation mark.
"You did fine, Honey." -- Move back one space.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Thank you very much. I deleted quotation mark, but the spacing problem is not visible on my screen.
Comment from c_lucas
I am impressed with your writing talent, but kind of got lost in your time frame. Maybe it will clear up as the story moves forward. Good job.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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I am impressed with your writing talent, but kind of got lost in your time frame. Maybe it will clear up as the story moves forward. Good job.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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thank you, Charlie.
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You're welcome, Amahra. Charle.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
I enjoyed reading your story and the picture blended well with the script. I have no reason to suggest any changes. Thanks for sharing. Mary
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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I enjoyed reading your story and the picture blended well with the script. I have no reason to suggest any changes. Thanks for sharing. Mary
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Mary.
Comment from sibhus
Ja, this would be set in Illinios, must be the southern part of state near Normal. The sentence Two weeks later is really is conflicted or it has a few words missing, it really is confusing. But other than that this is a relly good chapter. Definitely starts out with a bang with infacide and then werewolves. The details were good as well and the dialoguevery nature. A good beginning.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Ja, this would be set in Illinios, must be the southern part of state near Normal. The sentence Two weeks later is really is conflicted or it has a few words missing, it really is confusing. But other than that this is a relly good chapter. Definitely starts out with a bang with infacide and then werewolves. The details were good as well and the dialoguevery nature. A good beginning.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thank you.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Wow, this is shaping up to be a very different kind of novel for this site! I like the steady building of horror, Amahra. Your backstory gave good insight into the infanticide, though it doesn't decrease the effect on the reader. What a terrible position for Jewel and River to be in. I wonder how far River's resentment will take him? Really well done!
:) Bev
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Wow, this is shaping up to be a very different kind of novel for this site! I like the steady building of horror, Amahra. Your backstory gave good insight into the infanticide, though it doesn't decrease the effect on the reader. What a terrible position for Jewel and River to be in. I wonder how far River's resentment will take him? Really well done!
:) Bev
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thank you. Bev, for not being turned off by the beginning. I'm glad you understand it's just a story.
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And a darned good one. This would make an excellent screenplay in my opinion. Who knows, you might get it picked up by HBO!
:) Bev
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Smile. That's very sweet, Bev. We can both dream can't we?
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Yes we can, and it's totally free LoL.
Comment from James Dooney
I love how you have let this flow. For me thats what works anyway. Lets see how you go continuing in this vain. Keep it up !
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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I love how you have let this flow. For me thats what works anyway. Lets see how you go continuing in this vain. Keep it up !
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thank yo, James.
Comment from adewpearl
a most dramatic chapter opening
what a terrible scene you describe
you get inside his troubled conscience well
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
The groom, who was still on his honeymoon - add the comma
you work back story in well in explaining why the boys must all die - what a tragic situation
Brooke
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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a most dramatic chapter opening
what a terrible scene you describe
you get inside his troubled conscience well
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
The groom, who was still on his honeymoon - add the comma
you work back story in well in explaining why the boys must all die - what a tragic situation
Brooke
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Brooke.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Super read and very textured. Yup, it is one way to kill of a speices, destroy the breeders. I wonder about the gals, but hey...it is your wrold and your story and since there are no real facts about besats like these...no one can say what#s 'right'.
Anyway, I am enjoying reading this and look forward to more...so that pretty much says it all.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Hi. Super read and very textured. Yup, it is one way to kill of a speices, destroy the breeders. I wonder about the gals, but hey...it is your wrold and your story and since there are no real facts about besats like these...no one can say what#s 'right'.
Anyway, I am enjoying reading this and look forward to more...so that pretty much says it all.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thank you, very much.
Comment from robina1978
I like your story a lot. Nice names you picked for all the characters. I enjoyed the amount of narrative and not so much dialogue. Thrilling too.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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I like your story a lot. Nice names you picked for all the characters. I enjoyed the amount of narrative and not so much dialogue. Thrilling too.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Thank you, robina.
