A Functional Drunk
A character study24 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
A smart, creative piece, Ingrid. Normally, I would harp on a piece that was weighted too much on narrative, but this is as it should be, introspective, replete with the character's projection, self doubt, and at bottom, self-loathing.
Here are a few punctuational things:
framing an unscarred work bench A derisive laugh [No punctuation after "bench"]
but I couldn't find a damn pain tablet [No end punctuation.]
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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A smart, creative piece, Ingrid. Normally, I would harp on a piece that was weighted too much on narrative, but this is as it should be, introspective, replete with the character's projection, self doubt, and at bottom, self-loathing.
Here are a few punctuational things:
framing an unscarred work bench A derisive laugh [No punctuation after "bench"]
but I couldn't find a damn pain tablet [No end punctuation.]
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Great eye! Thanks so much for the catch.
Comment from Donya Quijote
Going through life pickled must be tough, but equally tough must be discovering life in a pickled free state. It must be tough. I can only imagine. I think you captured well that difficulty. And then you have it end in an apparent suicide. Biting dialogue makes the story all the more believeable.
I'm a happy drunk. But I haven't really imbibed to the point inebriation since I got out of the Navy. I guess I just don't need or want it.
Found a couple of spag.
little to entice a man to live(.) need the period
He keeps tearing our bushes and --tearing out bushes?
early took of(f) my thumb
Good story with a heavy dose of reality...
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Going through life pickled must be tough, but equally tough must be discovering life in a pickled free state. It must be tough. I can only imagine. I think you captured well that difficulty. And then you have it end in an apparent suicide. Biting dialogue makes the story all the more believeable.
I'm a happy drunk. But I haven't really imbibed to the point inebriation since I got out of the Navy. I guess I just don't need or want it.
Found a couple of spag.
little to entice a man to live(.) need the period
He keeps tearing our bushes and --tearing out bushes?
early took of(f) my thumb
Good story with a heavy dose of reality...
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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What a great eye~ Thanks very much.
Comment from granny goes viral
Yup, that is why when one sobers up, a divorce might follow.
Or even both. Enabling means more than just covering up bad behavior. Yes, I am a retired counselor. Just sayin'
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Yup, that is why when one sobers up, a divorce might follow.
Or even both. Enabling means more than just covering up bad behavior. Yes, I am a retired counselor. Just sayin'
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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I'm happy that it rings true. Thanks for reading.
Comment from drivenbackward
Good story, SE. A few notes to consider:
Word for word, she copied the whole project from Wikapedia--and I'm supposed to be impressed or care? -- Wikipedia
It sure as hell didn't merit committing an afternoon to you, did it? -- Consider putting first sentence in italics to indicate a thought. Otherwise, it's confusing.
trolling for someone or something to stave off her loneliness. I -- Random 'I' here.
He keeps tearing our bushes and replanting -- 'tearing out bushes'?
I grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and my car keys. -- Changed tense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Good story, SE. A few notes to consider:
Word for word, she copied the whole project from Wikapedia--and I'm supposed to be impressed or care? -- Wikipedia
It sure as hell didn't merit committing an afternoon to you, did it? -- Consider putting first sentence in italics to indicate a thought. Otherwise, it's confusing.
trolling for someone or something to stave off her loneliness. I -- Random 'I' here.
He keeps tearing our bushes and replanting -- 'tearing out bushes'?
I grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and my car keys. -- Changed tense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2014
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Changing tenses...pfft! Such a NO-NO. Thanks for the catch.
