Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Trellitia Tries to Reason With Julia"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
20 total reviews
Comment from ProjectBluebook
A can feel the talk and swagger of the dark times. Your style is different from the rest of Mikey's novels. Different is good. The reading looks ship shape. Back to reading more. this seems to be a serious scripted chapter. You show a professionalism which I lack. You do get a sense of Rome and the population of that time. Didn't they carve lots of granite into statues back then. Maybe a monument of Vision or Sound is seen in the cathedrals. Gods from another life. This is reader friendly. No long paragraphs. Some gripe about that. Everything seems to be moving along gracefully. Things are adding up. Starting to figure out, who is who, in the family tree. So, does the brother completely remember like Julia? Julia seems to recall more events of her previous lives with Valerius. Is he protecting her, doe she know more than what he pretends? the brother was once a slave of Valerius. Saved him. Does Cassius have multiple lives like Julia, sister? Lots of thought went into this. Yes, it ain't easy, I realize. Nice job. do loco
  |
A can feel the talk and swagger of the dark times. Your style is different from the rest of Mikey's novels. Different is good. The reading looks ship shape. Back to reading more. this seems to be a serious scripted chapter. You show a professionalism which I lack. You do get a sense of Rome and the population of that time. Didn't they carve lots of granite into statues back then. Maybe a monument of Vision or Sound is seen in the cathedrals. Gods from another life. This is reader friendly. No long paragraphs. Some gripe about that. Everything seems to be moving along gracefully. Things are adding up. Starting to figure out, who is who, in the family tree. So, does the brother completely remember like Julia? Julia seems to recall more events of her previous lives with Valerius. Is he protecting her, doe she know more than what he pretends? the brother was once a slave of Valerius. Saved him. Does Cassius have multiple lives like Julia, sister? Lots of thought went into this. Yes, it ain't easy, I realize. Nice job. do loco
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from donaldww
Previously, Coversations[conversations] continued in earnest.
I don't know the story, so just a few thoughts....
Upon arriving at home, Cassius and Julia found that Trellitia had been waiting for them.
(
"had been waiting" is past perfect tense. Past perfect means the action took place *before* the moment C&J arrived home, which is in the simple past ("found"). This implication, therefore, is that Trellitia had waited for them, but had already left. Not the case, given the dialogue that follows.
The following sentence makes it clear that Trellitia is waiting for them when they arrive home--
When Cassius and Julia arrived at home, they found Trellitia waiting for them."You look to have been exerting yourself, Cassius ..."
Also, since there is no dialogue tag in the second sentence, it should appear in the same paragraph as the first sentence, in order to link the words to Trellitia.
)
To help the new reader jump in, or the old reader refresh between lengthy posting intervals, I thinks it is helpful when a novelist includes a *simple* character list in the author notes. Sometimes chapters take weeks to appear, or in other cases, readers jump in to the middle of the series. These are not elaborate. Just name - "Simple who am I". Just cut and paste each for each post.
Margaret Snowden did/does this for her novels and I found that immensely helpful.
Nice work on your historical (or is this fantasy?) story collection.
Cheers, DW
|
Previously, Coversations[conversations] continued in earnest.
I don't know the story, so just a few thoughts....
Upon arriving at home, Cassius and Julia found that Trellitia had been waiting for them.
(
"had been waiting" is past perfect tense. Past perfect means the action took place *before* the moment C&J arrived home, which is in the simple past ("found"). This implication, therefore, is that Trellitia had waited for them, but had already left. Not the case, given the dialogue that follows.
The following sentence makes it clear that Trellitia is waiting for them when they arrive home--
When Cassius and Julia arrived at home, they found Trellitia waiting for them."You look to have been exerting yourself, Cassius ..."
Also, since there is no dialogue tag in the second sentence, it should appear in the same paragraph as the first sentence, in order to link the words to Trellitia.
)
To help the new reader jump in, or the old reader refresh between lengthy posting intervals, I thinks it is helpful when a novelist includes a *simple* character list in the author notes. Sometimes chapters take weeks to appear, or in other cases, readers jump in to the middle of the series. These are not elaborate. Just name - "Simple who am I". Just cut and paste each for each post.
Margaret Snowden did/does this for her novels and I found that immensely helpful.
Nice work on your historical (or is this fantasy?) story collection.
Cheers, DW
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from Michaelk
I liked this chapter, especially the discussion between Trellitia and Julia. It showed that she really understands where she has been and what has happened to her in the past. It also shows that she has the same frustration with people that they have with her. Each can't understand why the other can't see their side.
|
I liked this chapter, especially the discussion between Trellitia and Julia. It showed that she really understands where she has been and what has happened to her in the past. It also shows that she has the same frustration with people that they have with her. Each can't understand why the other can't see their side.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
Mikey, this just keeps getting better each week. I found only one nit and it was in the introduction. I'm bringing it to your attention below, since it is technically a part of the post:
Previously, Coversations continued [CONVERSATIONS continued.]
Superb chapter!
|
Mikey, this just keeps getting better each week. I found only one nit and it was in the introduction. I'm bringing it to your attention below, since it is technically a part of the post:
Previously, Coversations continued [CONVERSATIONS continued.]
Superb chapter!
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, this is well written to depict the struggle that the pre-livers have with past information and whether or not it has bearing on the present. It is a frightening prospect with many opportunities for sub plots. Just a quick question. Did you mean to say in this line, sent him near her stoop to peek in the window? Solid character development. :0 GracieAnn
|
Mikey, this is well written to depict the struggle that the pre-livers have with past information and whether or not it has bearing on the present. It is a frightening prospect with many opportunities for sub plots. Just a quick question. Did you mean to say in this line, sent him near her stoop to peek in the window? Solid character development. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
Loving this. Character and dialogue driven. The plot is simple but solid when the characters are so powerful. Each character is distinct and not a word is wasted. I feel like I am reading a bestvseller.
 |
Loving this. Character and dialogue driven. The plot is simple but solid when the characters are so powerful. Each character is distinct and not a word is wasted. I feel like I am reading a bestvseller.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from drivenbackward
The pace is excellent. No wasted words. Yet, at the same time, there's enough description to set the scene and to match the genre. You're leaving very little opportunity for grammatical feedback now.
Yes. I did deceive you. -- Like the dialogue that starts here a lot.
|
The pace is excellent. No wasted words. Yet, at the same time, there's enough description to set the scene and to match the genre. You're leaving very little opportunity for grammatical feedback now.
Yes. I did deceive you. -- Like the dialogue that starts here a lot.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from gypsycaravan
It must be difficult seeing and knowing what others do not. In answer to your question, yes, the pace is fine. I like the short chapters with the brief overview of the preceding one to refresh. The writing is always excellent. I am dreading Leopold's determination to do away with Julia and other's like her. Little children that hear voices we don't hear and that have imaginary playmates are probably still remembering and living with old past lives. I wonder if it is good or bad, that it generally true that past life information and wisdom is lost to us upon reincarnation. Hmmmm
|
It must be difficult seeing and knowing what others do not. In answer to your question, yes, the pace is fine. I like the short chapters with the brief overview of the preceding one to refresh. The writing is always excellent. I am dreading Leopold's determination to do away with Julia and other's like her. Little children that hear voices we don't hear and that have imaginary playmates are probably still remembering and living with old past lives. I wonder if it is good or bad, that it generally true that past life information and wisdom is lost to us upon reincarnation. Hmmmm
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from Millibrad
I see you are well into this new story since I have been away from Fanstory.
You do an excellent job of drawing readers into your story world. That the characters you have created are realistic and interesting is evident.
The subject of soulmates offers tremendous opportunity for exploration and I expect you will make excellent use of it.
One thing I do notice, I suppose from having been away: I remember your stories being mostly plot driven (not a bad thing) but these characters definitely appear to be driving the plot. Bravo!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
I see you are well into this new story since I have been away from Fanstory.
You do an excellent job of drawing readers into your story world. That the characters you have created are realistic and interesting is evident.
The subject of soulmates offers tremendous opportunity for exploration and I expect you will make excellent use of it.
One thing I do notice, I suppose from having been away: I remember your stories being mostly plot driven (not a bad thing) but these characters definitely appear to be driving the plot. Bravo!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
Comment from Keith Argyle
An intriguing story chapter of a long lost era. It is obvious that Julia has an ability to se into her past lives and that it is becoming a danger to her. The story is flowing very well and is very visual. I like the names, I take it they are authentic Roman names? I have to say that this is an era that's not easy to capture unless you have searched and found a section of history to use and fit your story into. It's well crafted and shows an interesting writing talent. Keep it going. Keith.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
An intriguing story chapter of a long lost era. It is obvious that Julia has an ability to se into her past lives and that it is becoming a danger to her. The story is flowing very well and is very visual. I like the names, I take it they are authentic Roman names? I have to say that this is an era that's not easy to capture unless you have searched and found a section of history to use and fit your story into. It's well crafted and shows an interesting writing talent. Keep it going. Keith.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2014
