Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

I read this as an out-of-body experience for the young man who is hovering about his dead body. The Grim Reaper is the person he sees. Or maybe Satan, since he mentions burns. Food for thought. An engrossing read..

 Comment Written 12-Oct-2014

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

You would be right, Spit.

Thanks so much for the kind comments and review.

Comment from mfowler

Exceptional

This is mega-clever. You've given the plot a wonderful twist that no-one will guess. I think that's because you've had us guessing where he is and what's evolving from the first word of his self-talk. A supernatural ending is a brilliant way to resolve this. The dialogue, while spiced with street talk, is appropriate for the character being revealed and the behaviour which ultimately led to this situation. I really admire how you show what is happening through the interspersing of the dialogue with connective prose. A probable winner, I suspect.

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2014

---

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

Hey, thanks a million, Mark. Finally, somebody "gets it". I was beginning to wonder. It's sucking hind titty in the voting booth, but what else is new.

I really appreciate the great review and six stars!

reply by mfowler on 12-Oct-2014

Hey D, we're victims of our own originality. Mine's dragging tail too. Seems we're misunderstood. Frankly, I nearly didn't enter as this one was so good. I thought you'd be in front. If it had been a supernatural topic, it would have been more widely accepted. Don't care. I thought it was damned good.

reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014

Well, I'm happy at least one person out there did, LOL.

I'm going to quit entering anything that does not have a horror or suoernatural aspect to it. So many have said, "Oh,you should try to write other things besides horror all of the time," and my answer to them is always the same.

Why? It's what I'm good at.

reply by mfowler on 13-Oct-2014

I don't think you give yourself enough credit. I've read some really good pieces of yours that aren't supernatural/horror. But, it is true, no one does those genres like you. I tried horror once. Scared myself, but others thought it was a comedy. Can't win.

Comment from livelylinda

Excellent

Mystery Author: Great story. I like how you used one of the deceased youths to tell the story from his perspective. I don't think he was on his way to Heaven . . . to hot the hand which drug him away. Very nice writing. Good luck in the contest. livelylinda

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2014

Comment from Mystic Angel 7777

Excellent

This is a perfect entry for this time of year since Halloween is just around the corner. So sad to wake up when it is too late, but at least they did not take out any innocents along the way. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2014

Comment from GeraldS

Excellent

This is scary stuff. It happens all too often to youthful drivers. Doesn't matter if it's drugs, alcohol, texting, or just screwing around or showing off.

This story fits the prompt. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2014

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014

Thank you very much, Gerald, and you're absolutely right, it happens far too often, and for many different reasons.

I really appreciate your thoughtful review, my friend. :)

Comment from dennis0530

Excellent

This maybe fiction but it mirrors popular beliefs about sudden accidental deaths.

Especially in this case where it happens after a drug and alcohol induced speedride; a joyride gone bad. Maybe there is a lesson to be picked up from this piece. But then again it depends on how wisely the lesson is learned.

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2014

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014

True, Dennis, very true. So many youth lose their lives needlessly in these sorts of situations, and it's really very disheartening.

I sincerely appreciate your kind and thoughtful review.

Comment from mikemagine

Excellent

Scary, eerie, disturbing. And you set it up very nicely. Great scripture verse too: Isaiah 55:6...Isaiah is one of my favorite books of the Bible.

GOOD!

Mike

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2014

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014

Thanks, Mike. Sort of a cautionary flash fiction tale, if you will. At least, that's what I was going for anyhow.

I really appreciate your review.

reply by mikemagine on 10-Oct-2014

You bet!

Comment from Trybuck

Excellent

Some of those joy rides aren't so joyful. All too many end up like this one, hitting a tree, in a ditch, or hitting another car.
Well done with your entry, Buck

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2014

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2014

Thanks, Buck, and you're right. Many of them end up in this type of bad situation.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review it for me.

Much obliged. :}

Comment from onebrit

Excellent

We all think we have so much time, the old adage that tomorrow is promised to no one is so true...you just never know when your life will be over. This is so well written, I wasn't expecting that ending at all.

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2014

---

reply by the author on 09-Oct-2014

Thank you very much, onebrit. I tired very hard to keep it a secret up until the ending. I suppose for this lad, saying three "Hail Marys" and five "Our Fathers" is a bit too late, wouldn't you agree?

I sincerely appreciate your outstanding comments.

Comment from The Skys The Limit

Excellent

I really enjoyed this story. It makes the reader think about how quickly your life can be over and unfinished. Well written with great, believable, dialogue. Good luck in the contest. Barb@theskysthelimit

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2014

---

reply by the author on 09-Oct-2014

It can change in the blink of an eye, Barb, and we'd better be prepared when and if it does.

Thanks so much for the outstanding comments. I do appreciate it.