Tender Tears
Minute Poem entry91 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your direct address and repeats for emphasis. Your rhymed couplets and rhythm are very effective, but most of all your final stanza is surprising and quite compelling. Best wishes in the Minute poem contest- Joan
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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I admired your direct address and repeats for emphasis. Your rhymed couplets and rhythm are very effective, but most of all your final stanza is surprising and quite compelling. Best wishes in the Minute poem contest- Joan
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Joan.
I was struggling to come up with an ending so went to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow the final lines came to me. For once I did the sensible thing and got up to write them don.
Steve
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I finally got smart and put a pen and paper next to my bed! -Joan
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
What an exquisite picture to depict the deep meaning of the poem which could as well stand alone with out it. The repetitive My child, 6 beats, 4,4,4/ My child, 6 beats, 4,4,4/ My child, 6 beats, 4,4,4/ * ending sentence rhyming scheme.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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What an exquisite picture to depict the deep meaning of the poem which could as well stand alone with out it. The repetitive My child, 6 beats, 4,4,4/ My child, 6 beats, 4,4,4/ My child, 6 beats, 4,4,4/ * ending sentence rhyming scheme.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thank you!
Steve
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Y/W GMT
Comment from Christine B.
A clear understanding of what is being recorded emerges, an innocence of art. I like the sense of mutual yearning. How blue, how cold, how accurate a portrait, Steve.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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A clear understanding of what is being recorded emerges, an innocence of art. I like the sense of mutual yearning. How blue, how cold, how accurate a portrait, Steve.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Christine.
Steve
Comment from mermaids
Excellent use of words that conveys sadness and the flow of your words creates feelings for the child. You weep for me is a powerful last line that surprises the reader.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Excellent use of words that conveys sadness and the flow of your words creates feelings for the child. You weep for me is a powerful last line that surprises the reader.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Steve,
Sadly, there are too many children who learn woe at a very early age. I'm not sure about the meaning behind the ending. I'm thinking in terms of child abuse. Nicely done.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Hi Steve,
Sadly, there are too many children who learn woe at a very early age. I'm not sure about the meaning behind the ending. I'm thinking in terms of child abuse. Nicely done.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Lou.
Yes, the ending is left open so the reader can go whichever way they want with it.
Steve
Comment from Nosha17
There is definitely too much sadness in the world, especially meaningful as a child is meant to be happy. Good use of rhyme and emotional words to convey your message. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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There is definitely too much sadness in the world, especially meaningful as a child is meant to be happy. Good use of rhyme and emotional words to convey your message. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Faye - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from BLACKDYKE
Succinct poetry is difficult to
review if there isn't a clear
message. But here we have just
that. I just love the unusual but
clear format Kiwi' repetition is
one of my favorite poetic parlances.
Eric
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Succinct poetry is difficult to
review if there isn't a clear
message. But here we have just
that. I just love the unusual but
clear format Kiwi' repetition is
one of my favorite poetic parlances.
Eric
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Eric.
yes, repetition can be powerful - not a trick I use all that often, all that often.... :O)
Steve
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Te He.
Comment from Leineco
You have subtly brought to mind compassion comes at every age -
Compassion for tears cried. . .and held back. Compassion for the
sorrows we all must shoulder from time to time. Compassion for
each other.
Nicely done Minute, Steve :-)
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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You have subtly brought to mind compassion comes at every age -
Compassion for tears cried. . .and held back. Compassion for the
sorrows we all must shoulder from time to time. Compassion for
each other.
Nicely done Minute, Steve :-)
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thank you.
I am perfectly happy and yet sad poems seem to be emerging at the moment. Perhaps I need to get the blues before the happy ones come out!
Steve
Comment from Genya
Why is it that when we look into the eyes of a child we see so much. This was very touching and emotional. A child crying, so young so innocent. The last line...you weep for me, really hit home. Beautiful words. Good luck in the contest as this is from the heart. Genya
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Why is it that when we look into the eyes of a child we see so much. This was very touching and emotional. A child crying, so young so innocent. The last line...you weep for me, really hit home. Beautiful words. Good luck in the contest as this is from the heart. Genya
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, genya, for the thoughtful review.
Steve
Comment from Jackarrie
I love the presentation of this minute poem, a profound message I see in it, We should be more aware of the child, and not take their feelings and emotions for granted.
Well written
Good luck in the contest
Mary
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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I love the presentation of this minute poem, a profound message I see in it, We should be more aware of the child, and not take their feelings and emotions for granted.
Well written
Good luck in the contest
Mary
Comment Written 28-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, mary - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
