(Witty little mouse (5-7-5)
The nightly chaos of mice.9 total reviews
Comment from Day Z Chayn
There was one
White rat sitting
In a cage, and as he
Was watching the witty white whittle mouse with glee,
He asked, "Won't you play a whittle song?
A whittle song on your piccolo for me?"
I got skewered by this picture. At first glance I thought there was a pretzel in his mouth, then my best guess was a piccolo in his little paws instead. I saw those valves & thought 'whoa' & composed the above as a response
I'm guessing his name ought be 'Whitey' as in 'Whitey the witty whittle white mouse.'
At least no house cat got his tongue,
But as for me, I've got to run
To fetch the dustpan with the roll of the dice,
To dispatch bodies of OTHER dead mice.
Whitey the whittle white mouse in my house,
Has made himself comfy next to the jam and bread.
If you see Whitey at all today, listen to him play his piccolo
And then pat him on the head.
Blessings,
Shane
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2015
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There was one
White rat sitting
In a cage, and as he
Was watching the witty white whittle mouse with glee,
He asked, "Won't you play a whittle song?
A whittle song on your piccolo for me?"
I got skewered by this picture. At first glance I thought there was a pretzel in his mouth, then my best guess was a piccolo in his little paws instead. I saw those valves & thought 'whoa' & composed the above as a response
I'm guessing his name ought be 'Whitey' as in 'Whitey the witty whittle white mouse.'
At least no house cat got his tongue,
But as for me, I've got to run
To fetch the dustpan with the roll of the dice,
To dispatch bodies of OTHER dead mice.
Whitey the whittle white mouse in my house,
Has made himself comfy next to the jam and bread.
If you see Whitey at all today, listen to him play his piccolo
And then pat him on the head.
Blessings,
Shane
Comment Written 15-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2015
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Thank you Shane for this most uplifting and fun review. I love It other writers are inspired by ones written word.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from ann marie mazz
good morning neonewman
this was the smile and chuckle for the day
the entry is true to form and count
you do well with these short formats
they are hard to master
always do they tell a mini story
your theme and words are filled with play
your presentation is marvelous
all is well within this entry
thank you for sharing your talent
ann marie
w e l l
d o n e
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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good morning neonewman
this was the smile and chuckle for the day
the entry is true to form and count
you do well with these short formats
they are hard to master
always do they tell a mini story
your theme and words are filled with play
your presentation is marvelous
all is well within this entry
thank you for sharing your talent
ann marie
w e l l
d o n e
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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thank you for your incredible review and generous stars. I just started to dabble in this type of poetry, I am currently writing a novel and I am very close to the finish. When it is time to edit, these little projects will help dearly. Thank you again and God Bless.
Comment from honeytree
Love the art work here and the words are great,
This little mouse seems to be having a great time.
I hope it watches out for the cat though
honey tree
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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Love the art work here and the words are great,
This little mouse seems to be having a great time.
I hope it watches out for the cat though
honey tree
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
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He is a clever little thing! Thank you for your wonderful review and generous stars. I have just begun to play around with this style of writing and I am currently writing a novel. The feedback and brainstorming I have received will definitely help in my editing. Thank you again and God Bless.
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Liked what you wrote
Annie
Comment from l.raven
I live next to a corn field...and when they start cutting it down....the mice come to house...LOL...they are cute...but not in the house...I love your poem...and love the picture...very nicely written...
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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I live next to a corn field...and when they start cutting it down....the mice come to house...LOL...they are cute...but not in the house...I love your poem...and love the picture...very nicely written...
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and for the generous stars and review. I really do love this site so, it has brought out the best of me.
Thank you again and God Bless.
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you are so very welcome...xxoo and God Bless you too!!!
Comment from Judy Couch
Looks like he's trying to play the flute in the picture. Your syllable count is accurate. Your poem is amuzing. I don't like them in my house either.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Looks like he's trying to play the flute in the picture. Your syllable count is accurate. Your poem is amuzing. I don't like them in my house either.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review, also for the stars. I enjoyed writing this little spiel. God Bless!
Comment from RYME4U
Mice are cute. They are hard to get rid of though. You have portrayed this little rodent very well. The witty poem is well done!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Mice are cute. They are hard to get rid of though. You have portrayed this little rodent very well. The witty poem is well done!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your awesome review and stars, they are much appreciated. I think they are cute too, but they tend to be quite costly. God Bless!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Yeah, we live wa-y-y-y-y-y-y-y out in the boondocks as well, but we also have seven or eight stray cats -- cats my wife is intent on feeding -- which lurk around our property. Plus, I have my own jet-black cat, Miggah, who is one of the best mousers that I have ever seen. It's hard to comprehend just how much destruction a few of these little critters can do to your home, until a few of them get in, that is. Luckily for us, none do!
Good luck to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Yeah, we live wa-y-y-y-y-y-y-y out in the boondocks as well, but we also have seven or eight stray cats -- cats my wife is intent on feeding -- which lurk around our property. Plus, I have my own jet-black cat, Miggah, who is one of the best mousers that I have ever seen. It's hard to comprehend just how much destruction a few of these little critters can do to your home, until a few of them get in, that is. Luckily for us, none do!
Good luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the awesome review and stars. My back yard is about a half of an acre and then the about 50,000 acres of forest is directly behind it. I can't have a cat, unfortunately I am allergic. I have thought about an outside cat, but worry about the critters in the woods getting them. God Bless!
Comment from Capricorn30
Oh this little guy is so darned cute! They don't seem cute when they're running rampant in the house--we were trying to capture one a few years ago on New Years Eve--we didn't succeed;
A well-penned little poem of the great chaos these wee creatures can create--they're so fast!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Oh this little guy is so darned cute! They don't seem cute when they're running rampant in the house--we were trying to capture one a few years ago on New Years Eve--we didn't succeed;
A well-penned little poem of the great chaos these wee creatures can create--they're so fast!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the awesome stars and review. These little guys have eaten holes in my walls, I had to resort in trapping them. I can't have a cat, I am allergic. I am thinking maybe having one outside. God Bless!
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You're welcome. Your poem received my vote.
Oh, they can really be a nusciance--we have a housecat and he watched the mouse run by! One year at Christmas we discovered that the gingerbread on the tree was gnawed away. Cute, but annoying, they like to chew.
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Awesome! Thank you for the vote, it would be nice to win one of these things. I entered my first flash fiction and pulled 3rd place with Reflective glass. I was proud of doing so, since it was my first attempt. I am currently writing my first novel and I am 60,000 words in. Love the story about he gingerbread on the tree, that was their little Christmas treats. Thank you again and God Bless.
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You're very welcome.
I haven't won a contest in a very long time--it would be nice. Seems like only the top poets win.
Comment from patcelaw
Nice haiku using the writing prompt. The picture is great and the haiku is spot on. Write more, you are good.
It is hard you know to write reviews on haiku, because so often they will say we need to add more.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Nice haiku using the writing prompt. The picture is great and the haiku is spot on. Write more, you are good.
It is hard you know to write reviews on haiku, because so often they will say we need to add more.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Thank you for the awesome review and stars, I am currently writing a novel and found this site. I joined in hopes to further my education on creative writing, this has been so inspirational. God Bless.
