THIS is Overkill
Security gone wrong37 total reviews
Comment from James Dooney
oh yes the Barry Obama juggernaut keeps n rolling along. Many people have fallen for this bull durham also. Keep exposing it !
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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oh yes the Barry Obama juggernaut keeps n rolling along. Many people have fallen for this bull durham also. Keep exposing it !
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. giovanni
Comment from Ben Colder
Would not it be great if everyone would and could hear the voice of God. What a wonderful place this would be. Makes me want to see Jesus more and more. Blessings to you.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Would not it be great if everyone would and could hear the voice of God. What a wonderful place this would be. Makes me want to see Jesus more and more. Blessings to you.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
Comment from misscookie
Wow!
I couldn't stop reading your poem
It captured my attention from the first line to the last
As the good book says Mam shall destroy man. when will they listen and learn.
Thank you for sharing theses powerful thoughts.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Wow!
I couldn't stop reading your poem
It captured my attention from the first line to the last
As the good book says Mam shall destroy man. when will they listen and learn.
Thank you for sharing theses powerful thoughts.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
What a clever and truthful piece of writing. Too much security - how I agree with you. Nowadays they have to wear a hard hat to survey a field. I love your 'too much bologna doesn't make a good sandwich. You have written your poem with a great deal of venom, and from what you have written, deservedly so. A good read. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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What a clever and truthful piece of writing. Too much security - how I agree with you. Nowadays they have to wear a hard hat to survey a field. I love your 'too much bologna doesn't make a good sandwich. You have written your poem with a great deal of venom, and from what you have written, deservedly so. A good read. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
Comment from mfowler
This is a strident and very effective rant/poem/warning about the direction of the world as it wallows in ego and ungodly directions. Your compact and imposing verse really impact and deliver your message with great power.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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This is a strident and very effective rant/poem/warning about the direction of the world as it wallows in ego and ungodly directions. Your compact and imposing verse really impact and deliver your message with great power.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, Giovanni, you did an excellent job writing this free verse quatrain poem about the roads that lead us off the right path. I enjoyed reading it...
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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this is an excellent write, Giovanni, you did an excellent job writing this free verse quatrain poem about the roads that lead us off the right path. I enjoyed reading it...
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
Comment from Caressa_08
Interesting & think a warning & possibly me, presents a concern ,because have a daughter & a teenage grandson that lives in Houston, TX...Yes, know that city has it's problems ....She has lived there for years..Though as told me of about the changes in her neighborhood...I live in another State & visited there back in 2001.
Caressa
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Interesting & think a warning & possibly me, presents a concern ,because have a daughter & a teenage grandson that lives in Houston, TX...Yes, know that city has it's problems ....She has lived there for years..Though as told me of about the changes in her neighborhood...I live in another State & visited there back in 2001.
Caressa
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
Comment from Sueellen11
Well done great write,, our governments the world leaders have a lot to answer too, yes the word say this will be,,, and we see that right has become wrong and wrong is fight,,, we are heading to a place we don't want to be,, Blessings sueellen
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Well done great write,, our governments the world leaders have a lot to answer too, yes the word say this will be,,, and we see that right has become wrong and wrong is fight,,, we are heading to a place we don't want to be,, Blessings sueellen
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
Comment from Leineco
Clearly, there is passion driving this write, I might even venture anger, so I applaud you for voicing this passionate plea.
But there are a couple things you might want to look at.
When your own Security kills you is a tad confusing. With security capitalized, it represents the profession of Security (like cops, FBI, TSA, etc) but I am not quite sure if you meant that, or the restrictions we put on ourselves in the name of feeling secure (based on what follows). Somehow, I would like that to be, maybe, a little clearer. But that's just style and not structure :-)
On the other hand
Holy Scripture tells us so, yet, in today's happy upheaval of all
that is good and worthy of virtue strengthening truth, is dying.
is essentially nonsensical (sorry) but if you pare the sentence down to its essence it reads:
Scripture tells us so, yet, in today's environment, is dying.
There is a clear absence of WHAT is dying. Unless, you meant there to be a comma after virtue and not after truth (in which case it would read: Scripture tells us so, yet, in today's environment, strengthening truth is dying.
Also
. . .and the mind will not be able to reason or intellect the difference is erroneously constructed (intellect is a noun not a verb. . .the mind cannot intellect - that's like saying the mind will not be able to reason or wagon the difference). However, if it were changed to
". . .and the mind will not be able to reason nor the intellect discern the difference" the problem would be resolved.
I understood the poem though, despite the grammatical errors - but I just thought you might want to know about the glitches. :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Clearly, there is passion driving this write, I might even venture anger, so I applaud you for voicing this passionate plea.
But there are a couple things you might want to look at.
When your own Security kills you is a tad confusing. With security capitalized, it represents the profession of Security (like cops, FBI, TSA, etc) but I am not quite sure if you meant that, or the restrictions we put on ourselves in the name of feeling secure (based on what follows). Somehow, I would like that to be, maybe, a little clearer. But that's just style and not structure :-)
On the other hand
Holy Scripture tells us so, yet, in today's happy upheaval of all
that is good and worthy of virtue strengthening truth, is dying.
is essentially nonsensical (sorry) but if you pare the sentence down to its essence it reads:
Scripture tells us so, yet, in today's environment, is dying.
There is a clear absence of WHAT is dying. Unless, you meant there to be a comma after virtue and not after truth (in which case it would read: Scripture tells us so, yet, in today's environment, strengthening truth is dying.
Also
. . .and the mind will not be able to reason or intellect the difference is erroneously constructed (intellect is a noun not a verb. . .the mind cannot intellect - that's like saying the mind will not be able to reason or wagon the difference). However, if it were changed to
". . .and the mind will not be able to reason nor the intellect discern the difference" the problem would be resolved.
I understood the poem though, despite the grammatical errors - but I just thought you might want to know about the glitches. :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
Comment from Charlene0513
To giovannimanariatomma,
Instinctively, the population that bares these burdens also needs to look up to the Great I Am and realize that politicians and aerobic teachers don't have the answers when it comes to self will and defining the choices they make with their lives.
Very nice metaphor: light even the smallest candle of faith.
Charlene
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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To giovannimanariatomma,
Instinctively, the population that bares these burdens also needs to look up to the Great I Am and realize that politicians and aerobic teachers don't have the answers when it comes to self will and defining the choices they make with their lives.
Very nice metaphor: light even the smallest candle of faith.
Charlene
Comment Written 15-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your review. Giovanni
