Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Born Enemies: Part Two"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
18 total reviews
Comment from nelliesellie
Sam allowed Tibertin to have a view of a past life. Allutia has some feeling but she still does not know why. Tibertin has opened some communication. He needs to settle his brain before he goes into battle. Great work.
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Sam allowed Tibertin to have a view of a past life. Allutia has some feeling but she still does not know why. Tibertin has opened some communication. He needs to settle his brain before he goes into battle. Great work.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from Loren (7)
Tibertin certainly has his hands full (and possibly is matched) with Allutia! From reading other period pieces set in this time frame your characters (through their dialogue and mind sets) seems authentic. The conflict certainly keeps one reading and wanting to know more. Loren
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Tibertin certainly has his hands full (and possibly is matched) with Allutia! From reading other period pieces set in this time frame your characters (through their dialogue and mind sets) seems authentic. The conflict certainly keeps one reading and wanting to know more. Loren
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from emrpoems
The soul him within recognized -I think you meant the soul within him.
The sound of Alluvia's laughter was --should this be AlluTia's
You sound like a pet that has been taught a clever trick. Why, ha!, you have no hand in any of it.LOVE This
Love the last paragraph where he indirectly lets her know his feelings by speaking to the vase. Good place to pause- right where you leave the reader wanting to know allutia's reaction
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The soul him within recognized -I think you meant the soul within him.
The sound of Alluvia's laughter was --should this be AlluTia's
You sound like a pet that has been taught a clever trick. Why, ha!, you have no hand in any of it.LOVE This
Love the last paragraph where he indirectly lets her know his feelings by speaking to the vase. Good place to pause- right where you leave the reader wanting to know allutia's reaction
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Who doesn't enjoy the stories of Rome and the poor slaves.
This will probably be an epic romance if I know you at all. Beheaded? I think not! How could he when He is in love with her. Very well done Mikey. Nancy
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Who doesn't enjoy the stories of Rome and the poor slaves.
This will probably be an epic romance if I know you at all. Beheaded? I think not! How could he when He is in love with her. Very well done Mikey. Nancy
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from drivenbackward
Very good chapter, Mikey. I'm assuming you have attracted a loyal following on FS? Noted to consider:
Vi or Allutia as she was called in this lifetime was known to have harbored real hatred for Tibertin -- Consider commas after 'Allutia' and lifetime' for smoother read.
But, her life was devastated by circumstance. -- No need for comma. Reads better without.
revealed more than she had wished to. -- Delete 'to'
But, your laughter haunts my mind. -- No need for comma.
Why, ha!, you have no hand in any of it. -- Double punctuation after 'ha'
"Enough woman! -- Comma after 'Enough' Direct address.
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Very good chapter, Mikey. I'm assuming you have attracted a loyal following on FS? Noted to consider:
Vi or Allutia as she was called in this lifetime was known to have harbored real hatred for Tibertin -- Consider commas after 'Allutia' and lifetime' for smoother read.
But, her life was devastated by circumstance. -- No need for comma. Reads better without.
revealed more than she had wished to. -- Delete 'to'
But, your laughter haunts my mind. -- No need for comma.
Why, ha!, you have no hand in any of it. -- Double punctuation after 'ha'
"Enough woman! -- Comma after 'Enough' Direct address.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Ah, Allutia pushes Tibertin to his very limits. Its good for him. Love their connection on such a deep level. Ever wonder if the people you've "met" on FS were people you encountered in another life??
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Ah, Allutia pushes Tibertin to his very limits. Its good for him. Love their connection on such a deep level. Ever wonder if the people you've "met" on FS were people you encountered in another life??
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from CR Delport
I think the vase might pay more attention than Allutia, but at least the vase won't talk back :) This is another interesting and well written chapter.
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I think the vase might pay more attention than Allutia, but at least the vase won't talk back :) This is another interesting and well written chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Okay, I liked the part with vi and Sam, I understood the very beginning part with the explanation. The part with Felix I felt was unnecessary. If you want Felix to be a part of the story then give him the role of narrator and don't bother with the beginning explanation by you. I think you could carry that off quite well. Just give Felix the introduction part if the story. Otherwise it gets a bit repetitive.
Enough said about that.
I liked this chapter. I liked the fact that vi didn't just swoon and fall into sams arms. I like that she continues to be who she is and not suddenly change because of him. Although I think she is gradually changing. I also like that she is slowly changing him, driving him nuts. I'm not sure where this is going. Is he going to suddenly offer a peace treaty? Will he fail in battle and lose his own life? You've set this up well, and I like that he remembers on some level his past mistakes. You definitely have my attention with these stories. Great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Okay, I liked the part with vi and Sam, I understood the very beginning part with the explanation. The part with Felix I felt was unnecessary. If you want Felix to be a part of the story then give him the role of narrator and don't bother with the beginning explanation by you. I think you could carry that off quite well. Just give Felix the introduction part if the story. Otherwise it gets a bit repetitive.
Enough said about that.
I liked this chapter. I liked the fact that vi didn't just swoon and fall into sams arms. I like that she continues to be who she is and not suddenly change because of him. Although I think she is gradually changing. I also like that she is slowly changing him, driving him nuts. I'm not sure where this is going. Is he going to suddenly offer a peace treaty? Will he fail in battle and lose his own life? You've set this up well, and I like that he remembers on some level his past mistakes. You definitely have my attention with these stories. Great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
