The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "A Pool of Tears"Love Among the Thorns
25 total reviews
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
Un fortunately that plan has backfired. The big problem here, is that Margaret is used to having everything her way. I fear this is only going to end in disaster for somebody.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
  |
Un fortunately that plan has backfired. The big problem here, is that Margaret is used to having everything her way. I fear this is only going to end in disaster for somebody.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2014
-
Somebody's got to win. Smile. Tim glad to see you take an interest to this book. Thanks Schalk. I'm writing the last chapter now.
Comment from jaeladarling
Interesting chapter - full of intrigue and scandal! Nicely done.
A few nits for your consideration:
"Margaret dressed in a two-piece" (Comma after "Margaret")
"Yes--dear" (Change the double dash to a comma.)
"Margaret asked frowning." (Comma after "asked")
"But she didn't sit--and looked at Rose suspiciously." (Replace the double dash with a comma, and add "she" after "and")
"get anywhere with me and neither" (Comma after "me")
"going to tell you, will affect" (No comma)
"wrung her hands, like a nervous" (This would read better without the comma)
"did Father know?" She asked above (Lowercase "she")
"And he must 'never' know," (Put "never" in italics instead of apostrophes.)
"mother to him, and is" (No comma.)
"This woman, you mean, the wife of your former lover?" (This should be: "This woman...you mean the wife of your former lover?")
"to make me give-up Nathan" (No dash in "give up")
"fact from the Wainwrights knowing how" (Comma after "Wainwrights")
"The doctor, later, left town," (This should be: "The doctor later left town,")
"and stood blocking her way; but Margaret" (Change the semicolon to a comma.)
"before I call the police." Elizabeth blazed (Change the period to a comma.)
"because then, you'd have" (No comma)
"...Not to mention," (No need for the ellipses.)
"and said very menacingly." (Change the period to a comma.)
"So you see my dear step-Ma-ma," (Comma after "see")
"but can't you see what you're doing." (Change the period to a question mark.)
"and we are "going" to" (Remove the quotation marks from around "going". Italics is emphasis enough.)
"a few days ago, had now came" (No comma, and change "came" to "come")
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
|
Interesting chapter - full of intrigue and scandal! Nicely done.
A few nits for your consideration:
"Margaret dressed in a two-piece" (Comma after "Margaret")
"Yes--dear" (Change the double dash to a comma.)
"Margaret asked frowning." (Comma after "asked")
"But she didn't sit--and looked at Rose suspiciously." (Replace the double dash with a comma, and add "she" after "and")
"get anywhere with me and neither" (Comma after "me")
"going to tell you, will affect" (No comma)
"wrung her hands, like a nervous" (This would read better without the comma)
"did Father know?" She asked above (Lowercase "she")
"And he must 'never' know," (Put "never" in italics instead of apostrophes.)
"mother to him, and is" (No comma.)
"This woman, you mean, the wife of your former lover?" (This should be: "This woman...you mean the wife of your former lover?")
"to make me give-up Nathan" (No dash in "give up")
"fact from the Wainwrights knowing how" (Comma after "Wainwrights")
"The doctor, later, left town," (This should be: "The doctor later left town,")
"and stood blocking her way; but Margaret" (Change the semicolon to a comma.)
"before I call the police." Elizabeth blazed (Change the period to a comma.)
"because then, you'd have" (No comma)
"...Not to mention," (No need for the ellipses.)
"and said very menacingly." (Change the period to a comma.)
"So you see my dear step-Ma-ma," (Comma after "see")
"but can't you see what you're doing." (Change the period to a question mark.)
"and we are "going" to" (Remove the quotation marks from around "going". Italics is emphasis enough.)
"a few days ago, had now came" (No comma, and change "came" to "come")
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
-
Thank you so much for this awesome review. I really do appreciate the line-by-line editing. I'm sorry you had such a bothersome task. Bless you, my dear.
Comment from GracieAnn
amahra, I appreciate your giving the reader a segue from the last chapter to this one, and the list of characters at the end. Thank you for that. The dialogue is strong and believable with a sense of foreboding as the truth of the pregnancy is revealed. This write exemplifies the complexity of life with no clear cut safe choices. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
|
amahra, I appreciate your giving the reader a segue from the last chapter to this one, and the list of characters at the end. Thank you for that. The dialogue is strong and believable with a sense of foreboding as the truth of the pregnancy is revealed. This write exemplifies the complexity of life with no clear cut safe choices. Nice work. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
-
Wow, thank you so much ,GracieAnn. I'm so glad you were pleased with this chapter.
Comment from mikemagine
Stormy, harrowing chapter. Loaded with excitement, good dialogue, and the plot is amazingly good!! This is tough, no-nonsense romantic fiction. You operate with a lot of finesse! I see zero flaws here and the characters are expertly developed.
Keep it going:)
Mike
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
|
Stormy, harrowing chapter. Loaded with excitement, good dialogue, and the plot is amazingly good!! This is tough, no-nonsense romantic fiction. You operate with a lot of finesse! I see zero flaws here and the characters are expertly developed.
Keep it going:)
Mike
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
-
Thank you, Mike.
-
You bet, Amahra!
Comment from pbroussard209
great chapter, I love the tension you created with this chapter and showing us the other side of the coin with how Margaret feels. I think she is going to be trouble for everyone.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
|
great chapter, I love the tension you created with this chapter and showing us the other side of the coin with how Margaret feels. I think she is going to be trouble for everyone.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
There's nothing like a cold, hard reality check and this has been delivered to perfection.
It is interesting to see the shift in power so readily accomplished.
A carefully plotted chapter with interest and manipulation to the fore.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
|
There's nothing like a cold, hard reality check and this has been delivered to perfection.
It is interesting to see the shift in power so readily accomplished.
A carefully plotted chapter with interest and manipulation to the fore.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
-
Thank you so much, seken58.
Comment from Sonaleeka
Very awesome flow with wordings.I enjoyed every stanza of it.
Keep amazed us with new writing.Worth reading .
God bless!
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
|
Very awesome flow with wordings.I enjoyed every stanza of it.
Keep amazed us with new writing.Worth reading .
God bless!
Comment Written 17-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
-
Thank you.
Comment from abbasjoy
This is the first chapter I have read, but it is the one in which lies are exposed, so I have an idea of what went on.
It's very well written with the dialogue flowing naturally.
Their actions and re-actions are realistic and in keeping with their characters.
Great job.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
 |
This is the first chapter I have read, but it is the one in which lies are exposed, so I have an idea of what went on.
It's very well written with the dialogue flowing naturally.
Their actions and re-actions are realistic and in keeping with their characters.
Great job.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2014
-
Wow, thank you, abbasjoy. I've worked very hard trying make it realistic. This review is very encouraging, my dear.
-
You are welcome, and you have accomplished your goal. It is very realistic.
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 20 of the book The Animal Doctor A cold and bitter side to love "A Pool of Tears" This chapter you have created here is very well written and I always enjoy reading your work. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
|
Chapter 20 of the book The Animal Doctor A cold and bitter side to love "A Pool of Tears" This chapter you have created here is very well written and I always enjoy reading your work. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
-
Thank you.
-
Welcome.
Comment from marijmd
Is this book 2?
I've been on and off a bit - thanks for the catch up
How scandalous at the time to hear such a confession from one's own mother!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
|
Is this book 2?
I've been on and off a bit - thanks for the catch up
How scandalous at the time to hear such a confession from one's own mother!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2014
-
No, this is the same book. I left for a time. I think we all do. I just came back a little before you did. Thanks for reviewing.
