A Copper Coin
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Queen's Man"The beginnings of the Thief Hunter.
3 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Very well-written with a good blend of narrative and dialogue. The dialogue is differentiated to fit the character, which adds to the realism.
I pointed out a few things for your consideration.
"Good evening Mister Hobbs, [This is the beginning of a number of paragraph spacing errors. For time consideration, I will only point out this one.]
Gilligan was the book keeper [in the US, bookkeeper is combined thus.]
"You'd dare suggest something so distasteful in the Queen's streets?!" [Suggest you not use double punctuation. Editors frown on it as amateurish -- and, I can tell from your writing you are not an amateur.]
"I ask you to speak to no one of this matter yet, I have work to do. [A run-on sentence. You need a semicolon or a period after "yet" instead of a comma.]
About the spacing issue: you should space between each paragraph, including each change of speaker in dialogue. The other option is to indent. Your spacing is strange. It seems like you space after every four or five lines, but with no rhyme nor reason why.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
  |
Very well-written with a good blend of narrative and dialogue. The dialogue is differentiated to fit the character, which adds to the realism.
I pointed out a few things for your consideration.
"Good evening Mister Hobbs, [This is the beginning of a number of paragraph spacing errors. For time consideration, I will only point out this one.]
Gilligan was the book keeper [in the US, bookkeeper is combined thus.]
"You'd dare suggest something so distasteful in the Queen's streets?!" [Suggest you not use double punctuation. Editors frown on it as amateurish -- and, I can tell from your writing you are not an amateur.]
"I ask you to speak to no one of this matter yet, I have work to do. [A run-on sentence. You need a semicolon or a period after "yet" instead of a comma.]
About the spacing issue: you should space between each paragraph, including each change of speaker in dialogue. The other option is to indent. Your spacing is strange. It seems like you space after every four or five lines, but with no rhyme nor reason why.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
-
Thank you Jay for the constructive help.
For the paragraph spacing errors I'll try to work on them. But I don't actually know much about proper spacing. I generally went by 'new line for a new speaker' and 'after x amount of lines make a new paragraph' as I was taught in school.
I've actually got a bit of a query about the double punctuation. Should I just use just the single one (') instead? I am actually an amateur and this is my second effort for a novel. The first attempt was when I was 16 and this is my second attempt at 20.
So I make a new paragraph for each speaker? Also someone else said that I don't need to put capitals on the pronouns after someone speaks e.g. ( "How much does my mother owe you?" She asked .) Is that true? I've basically gone with the general rule of 'start a new sentence with a capital letter'. Are there situations where this doesn't apply?
Sorry for the bombardment of questions and thank you for your time. :)
-
Paragraphs are organic. You can't go by a certain number of lines for paragraph. When there is a change of thought or subject you should change paragraphs. (That's an oversimplification, but vastly better than the garbage your school taught you.
Use a double quote (") for dialogue. If there is dialogue within dialogue (i.e., your character quoting someone else)you only use a single quote (').
Each time you switch speakers you start a new paragraph.
The pronoun "dialogue tag" is not capitalized. "How much does my mother owe you?" he asked.
For a new sentence you start with a capital letter, but that wasn't what you asked above. the
Any questions you have, ask! That's what we are here for. Silence is not golden when you need to know! LOL, any time, friend.
Jay
-
I've applied the changes throughout the chapters and really tried to incorporate them in the newest chapter too. Thank you for the help and the nice review! :) I'll be sure to pester you with questions if you pick up anything else that is problematic in my writing.
Best wishes,
Silence
Comment from c_lucas
I have not been following this story line, but it shows you have the talent of a true wordsmith. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
|
I have not been following this story line, but it shows you have the talent of a true wordsmith. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
-
Thank you very much for the compliment. I should probably add a running synopsis of what has happened during the story in each chapter, would that make it easier for you if you come to read the next chapters?
-
I tried that on one of my stories. It didn't work too good.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting and well written. I would suggest adding space between speaking lines and:
"I'm sure I could find..." [She] started before trailing off as he frowned slightly.
"You are the only one employed in your family?" [He] asked as her cheeks flushed and she nodded her dark head.
In lines like these when you use a speech tag, I believe the pronoun should be lower cased.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
|
Very interesting and well written. I would suggest adding space between speaking lines and:
"I'm sure I could find..." [She] started before trailing off as he frowned slightly.
"You are the only one employed in your family?" [He] asked as her cheeks flushed and she nodded her dark head.
In lines like these when you use a speech tag, I believe the pronoun should be lower cased.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
-
Thank you, I shall add the changes tomorrow :)
