Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 160 "Sleek Cars"Small and Specialty Poems
8 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
You have done a wonderful job, Treischel.
I love the theme.
Still not quite there with he strength of the command line working with your drum roll line, yet I can see instances of both. Very impressive my friend. The stronger an order or wish of a command line the better a drum roll line works with it.
good end rhymes. I don't like to use the words couplets as they do not really stand alone and if you separated the sentences into couplets it would be too individualistic. Couplets are usually self sufficient. The Tambour has rhymes which allocate two lines, yet they are just part of a whole body, joined from top to bottom.
Fantastic Job. Your second stanza incorporated a good format.
Good refrains, except your last one could have been a bit more chanty.
Just for an example of usage; yours function fine, but always try to use a definite chant or saying.
Watch them as they go flying past
Fast, fast, sleek, so fast
Flying past, crowds aghast.
Fast, fast to the last.
Bravo,
Treischel
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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You have done a wonderful job, Treischel.
I love the theme.
Still not quite there with he strength of the command line working with your drum roll line, yet I can see instances of both. Very impressive my friend. The stronger an order or wish of a command line the better a drum roll line works with it.
good end rhymes. I don't like to use the words couplets as they do not really stand alone and if you separated the sentences into couplets it would be too individualistic. Couplets are usually self sufficient. The Tambour has rhymes which allocate two lines, yet they are just part of a whole body, joined from top to bottom.
Fantastic Job. Your second stanza incorporated a good format.
Good refrains, except your last one could have been a bit more chanty.
Just for an example of usage; yours function fine, but always try to use a definite chant or saying.
Watch them as they go flying past
Fast, fast, sleek, so fast
Flying past, crowds aghast.
Fast, fast to the last.
Bravo,
Treischel
Comment Written 15-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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Thank you RG,
I'll get it yet
Comment from robina1978
I didn't realise our fellow Fanstorian made this form. It's nice, so is your photo and poem. We like fast cars as well.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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I didn't realise our fellow Fanstorian made this form. It's nice, so is your photo and poem. We like fast cars as well.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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Thank you Ine.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, treischel, this is an excellent tambour poem and it sets the heart to thumping with the sound of burning rubber in my mind. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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this is very well written, treischel, this is an excellent tambour poem and it sets the heart to thumping with the sound of burning rubber in my mind. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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Thank you sweetwoodjax. I missed the contest.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
I am most definitely drawn to the tambour beat and I am in awe of the poetic mastery of this style.
Although not a fan of fast car racing I can feel the mesmerising power of the engines roar, sleek styles and amazing speed.
A perfect tambour poem and great subject choice.
Who knows one day I may also be enticed by the thrill of the precision and
speed as well.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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I am most definitely drawn to the tambour beat and I am in awe of the poetic mastery of this style.
Although not a fan of fast car racing I can feel the mesmerising power of the engines roar, sleek styles and amazing speed.
A perfect tambour poem and great subject choice.
Who knows one day I may also be enticed by the thrill of the precision and
speed as well.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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Thank you Shirley. I'm so glad you like the poem better than cars.
Comment from Joan E.
I am lusting after a Tesla but the price point is a stumbling block--I drive a ten-year-old Prius and although it still gets 50 mph, I pressing its 130,000 miles. So, your "Sleek Cars" resonated for me in a special way. The Tambour is such a good vehicle for the theme--excuse the pun! I enjoyed your end and internal rhymes and use of sound as the poem paraded forward. Your "Impressions... will always last". "Cheering"- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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I am lusting after a Tesla but the price point is a stumbling block--I drive a ten-year-old Prius and although it still gets 50 mph, I pressing its 130,000 miles. So, your "Sleek Cars" resonated for me in a special way. The Tambour is such a good vehicle for the theme--excuse the pun! I enjoyed your end and internal rhymes and use of sound as the poem paraded forward. Your "Impressions... will always last". "Cheering"- Joan
Comment Written 15-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2014
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Thank you Joan. The 50 mpg is a valuable asset in a car. Definitely worth noting.
Comment from Robin Gilmor
Clever write with much action and beat. You managed a good march
and exciting description of the cars as they go sailing by at top speed.
Carefully chosen words carry the reader along with the beat. Well done. If I had a six it would definitely be yours. Smiles, Robin :)
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Clever write with much action and beat. You managed a good march
and exciting description of the cars as they go sailing by at top speed.
Carefully chosen words carry the reader along with the beat. Well done. If I had a six it would definitely be yours. Smiles, Robin :)
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Thank you Robin. A virtual six is good by me.
Comment from rod007
This poem reminds me of my younger days and a great sport's car I owned. Man was it fast. I remember driving it at 135 miles an hour in the early hours of the morning on the M1. That was a thrill but don't tell anyone. Any person who loves driving fast, like I do, will love this poem. You capture well the speed, magic and energy of that fast drive. You also incorporate the thrill of the 'painful-fatal' danger of a crash. Well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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This poem reminds me of my younger days and a great sport's car I owned. Man was it fast. I remember driving it at 135 miles an hour in the early hours of the morning on the M1. That was a thrill but don't tell anyone. Any person who loves driving fast, like I do, will love this poem. You capture well the speed, magic and energy of that fast drive. You also incorporate the thrill of the 'painful-fatal' danger of a crash. Well done, Tom.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Thank you riod. Thats what I tried for.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Excellent, Tom, I think everyone at some time wants to own one of these slick fast cars. I know I used to want one! The style really is complex, yet you have written it so smoothly, (just like one of these cars!) and gives is the speedy pace of racing. A pleasure to read. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Excellent, Tom, I think everyone at some time wants to own one of these slick fast cars. I know I used to want one! The style really is complex, yet you have written it so smoothly, (just like one of these cars!) and gives is the speedy pace of racing. A pleasure to read. :) Sandra
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Thank you Sandra, yes, a difficult and complex one to write.
