I Knew Better.
Living & dying with the haunting ghosts of addiction...102 total reviews
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Dean,
Great metre and rhyme sweep this compelling piece along. A poem with a message or a lesson id always worth reading.
Reg
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Dear Dean,
Great metre and rhyme sweep this compelling piece along. A poem with a message or a lesson id always worth reading.
Reg
Comment Written 15-Aug-2014
Comment from krys123
Dean;
Truly a well-written piece of poetry to get one's attention quite quickly. Unless one has corralled one's demons and put them to rest and surely they will be very with them for eternity and that's a very scary thought. And you handled it very well in your writing.
Your descriptive and expressive awareness of the situations that be for an addicted person has captured the essence of such an ordeal that faces one who has an addictive personality.
Your imagination and superb creativity has invented such a well-rounded piece of poetry that has the ability to astound the reader.
I just love the picture that you've chosen for this poem Dean and complements it so well.
Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
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Dean;
Truly a well-written piece of poetry to get one's attention quite quickly. Unless one has corralled one's demons and put them to rest and surely they will be very with them for eternity and that's a very scary thought. And you handled it very well in your writing.
Your descriptive and expressive awareness of the situations that be for an addicted person has captured the essence of such an ordeal that faces one who has an addictive personality.
Your imagination and superb creativity has invented such a well-rounded piece of poetry that has the ability to astound the reader.
I just love the picture that you've chosen for this poem Dean and complements it so well.
Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 15-Aug-2014
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
True! But for the love of God nothing can separate us from His Love.
Death actually stops sin in its tracks for flesh seems to be its harbinger. It's sad that we can forget the cross and the way of the cross for the world in which we live we can see and are shown its cruelty. We are not to win for the price of victory has already been won.
To serve is to live by faith and grace as life is given to us with its many situations and circumstances.
I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors.
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True! But for the love of God nothing can separate us from His Love.
Death actually stops sin in its tracks for flesh seems to be its harbinger. It's sad that we can forget the cross and the way of the cross for the world in which we live we can see and are shown its cruelty. We are not to win for the price of victory has already been won.
To serve is to live by faith and grace as life is given to us with its many situations and circumstances.
I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2014
Comment from rama devi
Potent poem, Dean, capturing Robin's POV as you see it. Since this is written before he goes, I think using KNEW in line one is inaccurate (especially with the rest of the sentence not being in past tense):
I knew better, why must I go?
I know better, why must I go?
This also has a nice internal rhyme with know and go. ;)
Well voiced here, and fine alliteration of G:
Still haunted by this pain and woe;
thus, carried gaunt through graveyard gates,
This line sounds awkward to my ear due to the reverse syntax, but some people may feel it sounds poetic, so changing it is optional:
purgatory, my soul awaits...
great line:
Yes, I was bold and stupid brave,
suggest using a hyphen: stupid-brave
Good alliteration of B in above line and P in this line:
peer pressure pushed me to the grave;
I knew that I could never win --
now I'll be buried with my sin...
Again, since the first stanza starts not actually in past tense, the tense shift here is confusing:
Yes, I was bold and stupid brave,
peer pressure pushed me to the grave;
I knew that I could never win --
now I'll be buried with my sin...
I recommend keeping it consistent (either all past or all present). EXAMPLE EDIT:
Yes, I am bold and stupid brave,
peer pressure pushes to the grave;
I know that I can never win --
now I'll be buried with my sin...
One more suggestion for the second stanza, regarding punctuation:
Yes, I am bold and stupid brave,(;)
peer pressure pushes to the grave;(.)
Yes, I am bold and stupid brave;
peer pressure pushes to the grave.
Good flow and rhyming. Potent presentation with impacting artwork and color scheme that match the tone and tenor of your theme.
RIP, dear sad Robin.
Blessings,
rd
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Potent poem, Dean, capturing Robin's POV as you see it. Since this is written before he goes, I think using KNEW in line one is inaccurate (especially with the rest of the sentence not being in past tense):
I knew better, why must I go?
I know better, why must I go?
This also has a nice internal rhyme with know and go. ;)
Well voiced here, and fine alliteration of G:
Still haunted by this pain and woe;
thus, carried gaunt through graveyard gates,
This line sounds awkward to my ear due to the reverse syntax, but some people may feel it sounds poetic, so changing it is optional:
purgatory, my soul awaits...
great line:
Yes, I was bold and stupid brave,
suggest using a hyphen: stupid-brave
Good alliteration of B in above line and P in this line:
peer pressure pushed me to the grave;
I knew that I could never win --
now I'll be buried with my sin...
Again, since the first stanza starts not actually in past tense, the tense shift here is confusing:
Yes, I was bold and stupid brave,
peer pressure pushed me to the grave;
I knew that I could never win --
now I'll be buried with my sin...
I recommend keeping it consistent (either all past or all present). EXAMPLE EDIT:
Yes, I am bold and stupid brave,
peer pressure pushes to the grave;
I know that I can never win --
now I'll be buried with my sin...
One more suggestion for the second stanza, regarding punctuation:
Yes, I am bold and stupid brave,(;)
peer pressure pushes to the grave;(.)
Yes, I am bold and stupid brave;
peer pressure pushes to the grave.
Good flow and rhyming. Potent presentation with impacting artwork and color scheme that match the tone and tenor of your theme.
RIP, dear sad Robin.
Blessings,
rd
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I think what you wrote here, Dean is spot-on. The poor man was haunted by his depression, apparently. Drugs or whatever and sometimes you get so buried in depression it is hard to dig yourself out, like drowning, it becomes easier to just let go. Giddy
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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I think what you wrote here, Dean is spot-on. The poor man was haunted by his depression, apparently. Drugs or whatever and sometimes you get so buried in depression it is hard to dig yourself out, like drowning, it becomes easier to just let go. Giddy
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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I would tend to agree with you, Giddy. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me on this one, and for those six stars as well. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from victor 66
Hey Dean, Concerning Robin Williams, and so many others that have similar issues , I don't mean to contradict your message. It's just that I believe Robin Williams and others like him, have held out as long as they could. I don't know how long Robin fought these demons, but he was done fighting, for what ever reason. I'm not saying we shouldn't say, "stop", and I never would suggest that I somehow know why he would do such a thing. I'm guessing he felt, he didn't have a choice. I don't know what you tell people who feel like this, that would make any difference. Take care.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Hey Dean, Concerning Robin Williams, and so many others that have similar issues , I don't mean to contradict your message. It's just that I believe Robin Williams and others like him, have held out as long as they could. I don't know how long Robin fought these demons, but he was done fighting, for what ever reason. I'm not saying we shouldn't say, "stop", and I never would suggest that I somehow know why he would do such a thing. I'm guessing he felt, he didn't have a choice. I don't know what you tell people who feel like this, that would make any difference. Take care.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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You're right, Victor, what we, as men, tell them makes no difference at all. However, it takes something...else, something not of this world to get our attention sometimes, and causes us to sit up and take notice. I had a .357 Magnum pistol in my mouth, ready to pull the trigger in '86, when a series of...how do I explain this...events stopped me. I can't go into all of the details now, but if you would like to read about it sometime, it's in my portfolio called, My Story Revisited.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me about it. I know all too well about depression and suicide...
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There are many of us out there, Dean. The only ones we know about, are the ones that we read about, or are a close friend that we'd least suspect or expect. Now that I think about it,besides myself, most of my closest friends have been suicidal. One did, literally pull the trigger. I have a very hard time with some "higher power that moves in mysteriousness ways" making this decision. I believe it had something to do with genetics, perhaps a chemical imbalance, I don't know. But I'm not so much sorry for my friend that has been gone since "85", as I am for myself, because there's hole that my friend left behind that can't be filled. Almost 30 years later and I still miss him. And I'm not willing to accept the fact that it's somehow more important that I should be among the living while he is not. Take care of yourself Dean, once you "sink so deep" and then come back, that doesn't mean it won't happen again. None of us are ever "out of the woods" completely. I suspect you already know this and I'm "preaching to the choir". Talk to you late, my friend.
Comment from Drew Delaney
Nicely written, Dean. No one knows the pain that occurs to one which causes him to take his own life. Mental illness could have been the culprit here. Often times, we ourselves don't ever think we could do such a thing, until we are confronted with something similar. I love your writing, btw.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Nicely written, Dean. No one knows the pain that occurs to one which causes him to take his own life. Mental illness could have been the culprit here. Often times, we ourselves don't ever think we could do such a thing, until we are confronted with something similar. I love your writing, btw.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much for the kind compliment, Drew. I could say much the same about your writing, my friend.
I think you're right, no one really knows what someone else is going through unless they walk a mile in their shoes. No one but God, of course.
Thanks again for your very kind review, my friend. I do appreciate it.:}
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your well chosen words allow the reader to see and feel the plight of one who knew better but chose the path of destruction of the soul
good enjambment in sentences to allow flow
good visual
good rhyme not forced
cheers..Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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good luck in the contest
your well chosen words allow the reader to see and feel the plight of one who knew better but chose the path of destruction of the soul
good enjambment in sentences to allow flow
good visual
good rhyme not forced
cheers..Smoothiecool
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Smoothiecool, I finished second in the contest, losing 10 votes to 9. You win some, you lose some...
I really appreciate your kind comments and review.
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congratulations
yep I always lose out on mine LOL
cheers SC
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello Poet,
Wow, what a powerful statement! Your piece cuts to the heart of the matter. One can only imagine the incredible pain Robin must have been going through on the inside. Too bad he couldn't have come up with another solution to his problem.
I appreciated the sentiment expressed in your well rhymed and metered poem, well done.
Best of luck with your entry, Bill
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Hello Poet,
Wow, what a powerful statement! Your piece cuts to the heart of the matter. One can only imagine the incredible pain Robin must have been going through on the inside. Too bad he couldn't have come up with another solution to his problem.
I appreciated the sentiment expressed in your well rhymed and metered poem, well done.
Best of luck with your entry, Bill
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Bill, and I truly appreciate this encouraging review, my friend. It is getting beaten in the voting booths right now, so I will take all of the luck that I can get!
Thanks so much again...~
Comment from Acquired Taste
Excellent tribute to Robin - the demons that hide beneath our skin sometimes become too much to bear - and we are pushed to making wrong choices. AT=/
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Excellent tribute to Robin - the demons that hide beneath our skin sometimes become too much to bear - and we are pushed to making wrong choices. AT=/
Comment Written 14-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Jean, and I really appreciate your encouraging comments. I felt it would be doing much better than it is in the contest, but you never know how these things will turn out in the end. Unlike Robin Williams, and so many others who deal with the haunting demons of addiction you made mention of, when there is still time, there is still hope.
Thanks so much again!~
