I Knew Better.
Living & dying with the haunting ghosts of addiction...102 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Where do you get those pictures that move? Google images?
They sure add to the poem. " stupid brave," love that oxymoron. Ingenious rhyming of win and heroin. A lot of alliteration. The hopelessness of the narrator comes through.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Where do you get those pictures that move? Google images?
They sure add to the poem. " stupid brave," love that oxymoron. Ingenious rhyming of win and heroin. A lot of alliteration. The hopelessness of the narrator comes through.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Shari, I appreciate that.
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Some of the images I create myself, and all are stored in my photobucket account. Gungalo showed me how to use them when I first arrived here. I sure do miss talking with her... Thanks so much again, sorry we got cut off.
Comment from kiwijenny
Well penned...drugs are a horror and abomination......it always seems a misnomer...heroine......there is absolutely nothing heroic about that stuff.....well penned
God bless
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Well penned...drugs are a horror and abomination......it always seems a misnomer...heroine......there is absolutely nothing heroic about that stuff.....well penned
God bless
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Yes, they certainly are, kiwijenny. Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging review!
Comment from pipersfancy
Good morning, Mystery Poet!
I like the flow to this piece; the message about falling to peer pressure despite being aware of its risks (only to pay the consequences) is clear, and the words move along in a sharp manner.
Your notes add depth to the poem - I like (well.... it resonates with me) the idea of the addict BECOMING the ghost of their former self through their own (poor) choices. I like that image so well that I might challenge you to find a way of bringing that image... of the ghost-like addict, the wandering spectre of their former self... to the forefront of the work (without reliance on the notes, that is!) Although it's implied, can you bring that image "to life" right in the work (LOL... bring the ghost to life!)...? This would be a different take than any of the other contest entries... and different also from the idea of "ghosts/demons" from someone's past haunting them.
Still - in current form, the poem in itself is still very much deserving of the 5 stars as it is such a well-written piece. I offer the above simply as "food for thought"...
Walks away slowly... singing... It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood...
PF
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Good morning, Mystery Poet!
I like the flow to this piece; the message about falling to peer pressure despite being aware of its risks (only to pay the consequences) is clear, and the words move along in a sharp manner.
Your notes add depth to the poem - I like (well.... it resonates with me) the idea of the addict BECOMING the ghost of their former self through their own (poor) choices. I like that image so well that I might challenge you to find a way of bringing that image... of the ghost-like addict, the wandering spectre of their former self... to the forefront of the work (without reliance on the notes, that is!) Although it's implied, can you bring that image "to life" right in the work (LOL... bring the ghost to life!)...? This would be a different take than any of the other contest entries... and different also from the idea of "ghosts/demons" from someone's past haunting them.
Still - in current form, the poem in itself is still very much deserving of the 5 stars as it is such a well-written piece. I offer the above simply as "food for thought"...
Walks away slowly... singing... It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood...
PF
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the fine review and suggestion, Pipe. I got rid of most of the authors notes, except for, "As always, thanks for reading!", which I feel I owe to each and everyone who cares enough to read what I have scribbled upon the screen. I also added an animation called, Addicts Torment as well.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem is a reminder of the dismal life of a heroin addict whose life is ghost like. It's amazing to me that this crap is back when there is no image of it, even in our pro-drug culture, that is remotely inviting.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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This poem is a reminder of the dismal life of a heroin addict whose life is ghost like. It's amazing to me that this crap is back when there is no image of it, even in our pro-drug culture, that is remotely inviting.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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I would tend to agree with you there, Bill. I sincerely appreciate the read and review, my friend!
Comment from NurseBarb
Stunning presentation and love the subject. The rhyming and flow is perfect as well. My former nursing job was in a hospital where I took care of young teens and early 20-30's people addicted to heroine. It was very sad and broke my heart. It's such an epidemic in this country now and I'm glad your poem brings awareness to it. I love how you have made your poem a little scary and serious combined. As always, you have an excellent entry here and I wish you luck in this contest.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Stunning presentation and love the subject. The rhyming and flow is perfect as well. My former nursing job was in a hospital where I took care of young teens and early 20-30's people addicted to heroine. It was very sad and broke my heart. It's such an epidemic in this country now and I'm glad your poem brings awareness to it. I love how you have made your poem a little scary and serious combined. As always, you have an excellent entry here and I wish you luck in this contest.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, NurseBarb, and I'll bet that was a hard thing to see. It probably left you with a few emotional scars, I would imagine.
I truly appreciate your very encouraging comments and review~
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Definitely hard to see. That's why I am a nurse at an assisted living facility and take care of sweet old folks that make me smile and laugh all day. We have so much fun together. Yes, they do die, but after living a long, productive, hard working, and beautiful life.
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My wife was a certified nurse's aide for a long time. She worked in three different nursing homes in our area.
I volunteer in a program through our church called, The Adopt a Son or Daughter program. I go to four or five different nursing homes with my nine-year-old Chihuahua, Gidget, and we visit elderly shut-ins who either have no family of their own left to speak of, or their families never come to visit them, for whatever reasons. They love me to read my spooky stories to them. I'm a celebrity of sorts there, LOL. One dear 90 year old woman who insists I call her Granny said she likes my stuff better than Stephen Kings, and she's been a fan of his since the 70's. I get blessed far more from them than they ever could from me! :}
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I know. Old folks are the best. Even the cranky ones cause they're a challenge for me to get them to like me. I win them over every time. :)
Comment from Domino 2
It was terrible to hear of Robin's tragic death, 'D'.
He was enormously gifted but obviously very troubled. At least he's now free of his torture. I absolutely agree with all your notes.
Stark warning to drug abusers and those who watch out for their welfare
Terrific, as usual, presentation,. top rhymes, and some nice flowing lines. :-)
Cheers, Ray
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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It was terrible to hear of Robin's tragic death, 'D'.
He was enormously gifted but obviously very troubled. At least he's now free of his torture. I absolutely agree with all your notes.
Stark warning to drug abusers and those who watch out for their welfare
Terrific, as usual, presentation,. top rhymes, and some nice flowing lines. :-)
Cheers, Ray
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Rayma. I really appreciate your kind words and very encouraging review, my friend. So, the meter is okay? (LOL)
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Rayman...what the hell is going on with me computer today?! That is the second time I have been cut off!??! !@##$%@
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Mostly. LOL xx
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Mostly is good! heh-heh... It is for me, at least.:D
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LOL, 'D'. You're getting there, my friend.
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi!
When I first came upon this, I was reluctant to read it as I don't care much for the horror genre. But, I quickly came to the conclusion I was, and am, glad I overrode my prejudiced brain.
This is a super write and the graphic is so perfect!
Peer pressure can be wonderful ... or treacherous. And one never knows which, for sure, until he is well down the road. My only brush with illegal drugs was three joints on a December night in Portales, NM in 1976. I cannot begin to imagine the horror of the hard drugs.
Your post is powerful and should bring hesitation to those considering a trip down that road. A splendid piece of writing! I'm impressed! Would give you 6 stars if I had them to give. Good luck in the contest ...
Alan
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Hi!
When I first came upon this, I was reluctant to read it as I don't care much for the horror genre. But, I quickly came to the conclusion I was, and am, glad I overrode my prejudiced brain.
This is a super write and the graphic is so perfect!
Peer pressure can be wonderful ... or treacherous. And one never knows which, for sure, until he is well down the road. My only brush with illegal drugs was three joints on a December night in Portales, NM in 1976. I cannot begin to imagine the horror of the hard drugs.
Your post is powerful and should bring hesitation to those considering a trip down that road. A splendid piece of writing! I'm impressed! Would give you 6 stars if I had them to give. Good luck in the contest ...
Alan
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks a million, ProSongwriter. I am really glad you gave it a shot, and even more pleased that you liked what you read. I'm very grateful for the review, my friend!
Comment from linsbm
To those people who went through addiction to drugs or alcohol they knew better what they've been through.
This poem expressed the truth behind this addiction which is uncontrollable, knowingly the plight to fall.
Well written poem, with good photo to enhance the message. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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To those people who went through addiction to drugs or alcohol they knew better what they've been through.
This poem expressed the truth behind this addiction which is uncontrollable, knowingly the plight to fall.
Well written poem, with good photo to enhance the message. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much for the kind and encouraging review, linsbm. It is appreciated.:}
Comment from blazingdraco1001
best of the poems i ever read on fanstory.
addiction is the greatest demon that haunts the world's youth
i appreciate your attempt of raising your voice against it.
may this dastardly activity should be stopped.excelent
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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best of the poems i ever read on fanstory.
addiction is the greatest demon that haunts the world's youth
i appreciate your attempt of raising your voice against it.
may this dastardly activity should be stopped.excelent
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me on the topic, blazingdraco1001. However, I am a bit confused by the four-star rating. If it is as good as you say you felt it was, what could I have done better to make it worthy of at least five stars? Usually, if a poem is rated less than excellent, some suggestions are commonly given by the reviewer to the author to tell them why it needed improvement. Yet, all I see from you is high praise, which I do appreciate.
Still, I am a bit befuddled by your low rating...
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plz don't misunderstand my intentions, your poem is a very good one, surely the best one, but since I've just started on fanstory i was not sure if i should reward 5 stars that easy. but if there has to be one poem worth it, it is yours
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plz don't misunderstand my intentions, your poem is a very good one, surely the best one, but since I've just started on fanstory i was not sure if i should reward 5 stars that easy. but if there has to be one poem worth it, it is yours
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http://www.fanstory.com/faq.jsp
Copy and paste the link provided about into your browsers search engine. There, you will find a guide on the ratings and how to use them. Four stars means the poem "needs adjustment".
Five stars means that the writing is grammatically correct, and no corrections are needed...
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http://www.fanstory.com/faq.jsp
The above link is the page on FanStory (found in the top right under "INFO", and the drop down menu under "Frequently asked questions") where it explains all of the ratings and how they are to be used.
I have copied the info here, to make it easier for you to find...
Writers are generally interested in improving their skills and impressing the audience. You, as a reader, should try to write an unbiased review of the work. You are encouraged to be critical. Always state what you liked and did not like (state both). Compare the writing to the top authors you have read when making a judgement of how many stars to award.
The site offers a six star scale for ranking work. Here's a guideline:
Six Stars (Exceptional: Simply Outstanding)
Five Stars (Excellent: Enjoyable and no revisions needed)
Four Stars (Good: Adjustments needed)
Three Stars (Below average)
Two Stars (Below Average: Needs lots of work)
One Star (Poor: Major revision required)
Comment from c_lucas
"I can handle it." The famous last words of a soon to be addict. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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"I can handle it." The famous last words of a soon to be addict. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much, Charlie. I deeply appreciate your comments.
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You're welcome.
