CHAPTER CUATRO, PART UNO
Soni has a visitor.45 total reviews
Comment from angelface2
this is very good, Barbara. Your characters are shaping up nicely and the conversation is credible. I love reading your story. thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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this is very good, Barbara. Your characters are shaping up nicely and the conversation is credible. I love reading your story. thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work. Miss Sally
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Genya
Hi Barbara what can I say except this was another superb chapter full of tension with a brilliant plot. Not too sure about this new guy, Robert Hughes. I think he is up to something totally different to what he pretends to be. Loved the flow of this chapter, which by the way I didn't find long. Maybe I enjoy reading this story so much I never realise length. A couple of little ones. Goliath stared at the man before he lay at Soni's feet. Sounded as if the man was laying at her feet. The best I can tell this land...maybe a comma after tell. Loved the story and looking forward to the next part. Genya
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Hi Barbara what can I say except this was another superb chapter full of tension with a brilliant plot. Not too sure about this new guy, Robert Hughes. I think he is up to something totally different to what he pretends to be. Loved the flow of this chapter, which by the way I didn't find long. Maybe I enjoy reading this story so much I never realise length. A couple of little ones. Goliath stared at the man before he lay at Soni's feet. Sounded as if the man was laying at her feet. The best I can tell this land...maybe a comma after tell. Loved the story and looking forward to the next part. Genya
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Barb, check your intro - you mean Soni, not Paige. *smile*
The plot thickens nicely. One quibble - second paragraph - it sounds a bit confusing, like the man lay at her feet >> suggest simply saying something descriptive of Goliath, or 'the dog'.
Your description are so good you have ME wanting coffee and cake. (LOL) I love the accurate information you seldom leave off any story too - it makes the story come alive. (See the quote on my profile page.)
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Barb, check your intro - you mean Soni, not Paige. *smile*
The plot thickens nicely. One quibble - second paragraph - it sounds a bit confusing, like the man lay at her feet >> suggest simply saying something descriptive of Goliath, or 'the dog'.
Your description are so good you have ME wanting coffee and cake. (LOL) I love the accurate information you seldom leave off any story too - it makes the story come alive. (See the quote on my profile page.)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the kind review and the catch. I can't believe I did that. I do miss Paige, Cash, and the gang.
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LOL - so do I miss them! :)
Comment from drivenbackward
Well done, Barbara. If I remember correctly, you have been here a while. And, also if I remember correctly, your grammar has improved immensely. Good chapter. I didn't think it was too long.
Oh, Dios mio! -- Missing closed quotations.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Well done, Barbara. If I remember correctly, you have been here a while. And, also if I remember correctly, your grammar has improved immensely. Good chapter. I didn't think it was too long.
Oh, Dios mio! -- Missing closed quotations.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the catch and your encouraging words.
Comment from Aplgwest
A very interesting chapter. Great detail. I just wonder about the status of reservations. From what I understand (which is not much) in the old days, Native Americans could be forced onto reservations, but not any more.
By the way, I love reading Craig Johnson's Longmire western series that takes place in Wyoming. In the book I am up to, Sheriff Longmire has a peyote experience. There, apparently, it is legal for religious reasons.
I hope you don't mind my many suggestions, most for minor matters. Looking forward to the next chapter, and good luck in school. --Elaine
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Before she introduces herself, mention that she sees his badge, and he should immediately show her some identification.
ninety eight miles /ninety-eight
The best I can tell this land/The best I can tell, this land
farm land./farmland.
"The ranch also goes about forty miles outside of Corpus.
"The ranch also goes to mile marker 399 outside of Del Rio,/for variety: The ranch also extends to about forty miles outside of Corpus,/We also go all the way to mile marker 339, just this side of Del Rio.
numerous reasons/several reasons (numerous sounds like too many--just my opinion.
..she held a paper enclosed in a clear plastic envelope in front of Robert./..she displayed a clear plastic envelope. Then, carefully pulling out its fragile papers, she said, "This document shows two...
Arthur. Both men signed /Arthur, agreeing that from July seventeen 1884, as long as the Adler family agreed, this Lipan Apache's tribe could live on the designated land.
They are already US citizens/they are already legal U.S. residents, with green cards, (Of course, that's your choice, but I think it's the more likely scenario. They are still entitled to all the benefits and responsibilities, except for being able to vote.)
We have employees from not only Mexico but many of the Latin American countries/We have employees from Mexico and other Latin American countries.
I hope this ranch is in as good of order as you seem to think it is./...this ranch is in as good an order as you.../or: as good order
Robert place the bottom of this thumb /his thumb
pad on the edge of the metal briefcase and it opened./latch on the briefcase's metal edge. It opened.
Hughes put the papers inside and closed it.
Robert set the briefcase on the floor. /Hughes placed the papers inside, closed his briefcase, and set it on the floor.
very similar to LSD, /but or thought/ not as powerful.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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A very interesting chapter. Great detail. I just wonder about the status of reservations. From what I understand (which is not much) in the old days, Native Americans could be forced onto reservations, but not any more.
By the way, I love reading Craig Johnson's Longmire western series that takes place in Wyoming. In the book I am up to, Sheriff Longmire has a peyote experience. There, apparently, it is legal for religious reasons.
I hope you don't mind my many suggestions, most for minor matters. Looking forward to the next chapter, and good luck in school. --Elaine
---
Before she introduces herself, mention that she sees his badge, and he should immediately show her some identification.
ninety eight miles /ninety-eight
The best I can tell this land/The best I can tell, this land
farm land./farmland.
"The ranch also goes about forty miles outside of Corpus.
"The ranch also goes to mile marker 399 outside of Del Rio,/for variety: The ranch also extends to about forty miles outside of Corpus,/We also go all the way to mile marker 339, just this side of Del Rio.
numerous reasons/several reasons (numerous sounds like too many--just my opinion.
..she held a paper enclosed in a clear plastic envelope in front of Robert./..she displayed a clear plastic envelope. Then, carefully pulling out its fragile papers, she said, "This document shows two...
Arthur. Both men signed /Arthur, agreeing that from July seventeen 1884, as long as the Adler family agreed, this Lipan Apache's tribe could live on the designated land.
They are already US citizens/they are already legal U.S. residents, with green cards, (Of course, that's your choice, but I think it's the more likely scenario. They are still entitled to all the benefits and responsibilities, except for being able to vote.)
We have employees from not only Mexico but many of the Latin American countries/We have employees from Mexico and other Latin American countries.
I hope this ranch is in as good of order as you seem to think it is./...this ranch is in as good an order as you.../or: as good order
Robert place the bottom of this thumb /his thumb
pad on the edge of the metal briefcase and it opened./latch on the briefcase's metal edge. It opened.
Hughes put the papers inside and closed it.
Robert set the briefcase on the floor. /Hughes placed the papers inside, closed his briefcase, and set it on the floor.
very similar to LSD, /but or thought/ not as powerful.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the help. I have made the changes.
Comment from tbacha58
Hi Barbara, I need to apologize to you, that unfortunately I cannot read long stories due to my weak eye sight. Yet I am sure you are a writer a great one, and will wait for your poems whenever. Hugs Terry xoxo Sorry xx
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Hi Barbara, I need to apologize to you, that unfortunately I cannot read long stories due to my weak eye sight. Yet I am sure you are a writer a great one, and will wait for your poems whenever. Hugs Terry xoxo Sorry xx
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you fro dropping by and reading what you can. Most of the following posts will be shorter.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Good post. I didn't find it overly long at all. This guy has nerve. You managed to create the intimidation and tension so well. Government agents seem to have a knack of doing that. Or maybe I have a guilty conscience! LOL!
Spotted a missing quote:
"Oh, Dios mio!(")
Well done, Barbara.
Av
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Good post. I didn't find it overly long at all. This guy has nerve. You managed to create the intimidation and tension so well. Government agents seem to have a knack of doing that. Or maybe I have a guilty conscience! LOL!
Spotted a missing quote:
"Oh, Dios mio!(")
Well done, Barbara.
Av
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the kind review and I have added the missing ".
Comment from lindalcreel
My money still says that the ranch hand who seems so interested in her is up to no good. He asked a lot of questions too, and I hope Soni is smart enough not to go anywhere alone with him, because I don't trust him. The questions about the peyote unnerved me and he may be one of the drug traffickers. We'll see. Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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My money still says that the ranch hand who seems so interested in her is up to no good. He asked a lot of questions too, and I hope Soni is smart enough not to go anywhere alone with him, because I don't trust him. The questions about the peyote unnerved me and he may be one of the drug traffickers. We'll see. Another great chapter.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by
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My pleasure:)
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Barbara - I thought you crafted this post well. It kept me interested in the story, and filled out some of the build up to the mystery. Smooth dialogue and an easy smooth read. This story has grabbed me and I always look forward to your posts - great writing talent keeps me coming back to read more.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Dear Barbara - I thought you crafted this post well. It kept me interested in the story, and filled out some of the build up to the mystery. Smooth dialogue and an easy smooth read. This story has grabbed me and I always look forward to your posts - great writing talent keeps me coming back to read more.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hi Barbara, this is the first time I have read your book, and I am hooked. I will go and read the first three to catch up. I really enjoyed this, your writing is brilliant, and I also hope to learn from you. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Hi Barbara, this is the first time I have read your book, and I am hooked. I will go and read the first three to catch up. I really enjoyed this, your writing is brilliant, and I also hope to learn from you. :) Sandra
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
