An Epitaph for Heros and Bums
An essay about subtle appreciation or lack thereof34 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Very entertaining, self-deprecatingly humorous, and conversational. I had a lot of fun with this, Ingrid.
You'll notice I deducted a star. I'm trying to be consistent in my reviewing. Unless something is unreadable I deduct only one star, and that for SPAG, not suggestions I make for improvement. I know you'll be anxious to correct the SPAG errors (especially since this is a contest entry), so as soon as you let me know they've been corrected I'll toss back your star. It makes a hole in my pocket anyway.
So, check out the concerns below:
There are things that I did throughout my adult life that seem to have diminished in importance over the last few years. [Over the past 6 months I've been on a quest to eliminate all the unnecessary "thats" in my writing. When I see one in another's post, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Your first "that" is one of them. I hope I'm not being nit-picky. I find about 25 percent of my own "thats" aren't necessary.]
I didn't follow any recipe and would have an impossible task [...and, IT would have...]
to tie him over until I got home [the correct expression is "to TIDE him over"]
I just increased the volume [No period.]
until I succumbed to, could afford a cleaning lady, [It seemed like you weren't sure whether to use "succumbed to" or "could afford", and somehow both slipped in.]
I LOVE your "hero or bum" speech for your boy. Wow! You'd have got my attention!]
I'm not sure if its residual rebellion or his priorities have never matched mine. [LOL, No, I think he's found a housekeeper without succumbing to the need for, or being able to afford one. And, before you think I'm scolding, my 40 yr old son is back living at home, not lifting a finger to help and not paying rent.]
Grandma chauffeurs them to and pays the fees. [Yeah, Grandma, Ingrid, you and I are candidates for intervention.]
Because the house hasn't been cleaned, you door knob, [I'm laughing as I type these words: "Door Knob!" Ha!]
especially if wasn't a lifestyle that had any significance to my family. [If IT wasn't...]
Good luck with the contest.
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We can ALL use a fresh set of eyes. Here's the star back. I always feel like I've taken a hostage, only to be returned when payment is made. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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Very entertaining, self-deprecatingly humorous, and conversational. I had a lot of fun with this, Ingrid.
You'll notice I deducted a star. I'm trying to be consistent in my reviewing. Unless something is unreadable I deduct only one star, and that for SPAG, not suggestions I make for improvement. I know you'll be anxious to correct the SPAG errors (especially since this is a contest entry), so as soon as you let me know they've been corrected I'll toss back your star. It makes a hole in my pocket anyway.
So, check out the concerns below:
There are things that I did throughout my adult life that seem to have diminished in importance over the last few years. [Over the past 6 months I've been on a quest to eliminate all the unnecessary "thats" in my writing. When I see one in another's post, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Your first "that" is one of them. I hope I'm not being nit-picky. I find about 25 percent of my own "thats" aren't necessary.]
I didn't follow any recipe and would have an impossible task [...and, IT would have...]
to tie him over until I got home [the correct expression is "to TIDE him over"]
I just increased the volume [No period.]
until I succumbed to, could afford a cleaning lady, [It seemed like you weren't sure whether to use "succumbed to" or "could afford", and somehow both slipped in.]
I LOVE your "hero or bum" speech for your boy. Wow! You'd have got my attention!]
I'm not sure if its residual rebellion or his priorities have never matched mine. [LOL, No, I think he's found a housekeeper without succumbing to the need for, or being able to afford one. And, before you think I'm scolding, my 40 yr old son is back living at home, not lifting a finger to help and not paying rent.]
Grandma chauffeurs them to and pays the fees. [Yeah, Grandma, Ingrid, you and I are candidates for intervention.]
Because the house hasn't been cleaned, you door knob, [I'm laughing as I type these words: "Door Knob!" Ha!]
especially if wasn't a lifestyle that had any significance to my family. [If IT wasn't...]
Good luck with the contest.
***********************************************************
We can ALL use a fresh set of eyes. Here's the star back. I always feel like I've taken a hostage, only to be returned when payment is made. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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Well, Mr. Squires, you've just proved the point that (HAHAHA) everyone needs an editor, a fresh set of eyes not muddled by one's own thoughts and blindness. Thank you.
I changed the first 'that' but to so, I needed to change the sentence to...embrace--a little over the top, don't you think?
In the manner of succumb and afford, it truly wasn't a waffle. I could afford the cleaning lady long before I succumbed to the commitment, but like many women, was embarrassed my family could make a mess. Changed it anyway--dropped the succumb--but the girls would understand the leap, running around cleaning, before the cleaning woman arrived.
Much appreciated your efforts.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I hear you. I always ALWAYS made the bed when I hit the floor. Taught my children that as well. Not any more. It may be an hour later but it does get done and I do put dishes in the dishwasher but when it comes to vacuuming I am not as punctual. No I don't have to do it but I don't want to live in a mess so I do it. LOL Life changes when you get old. Love your story Ingrid. xsx Nancy
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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I hear you. I always ALWAYS made the bed when I hit the floor. Taught my children that as well. Not any more. It may be an hour later but it does get done and I do put dishes in the dishwasher but when it comes to vacuuming I am not as punctual. No I don't have to do it but I don't want to live in a mess so I do it. LOL Life changes when you get old. Love your story Ingrid. xsx Nancy
Comment Written 09-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Nancy. My bed only gets made when I change the sheets or company is coming. Have a great weekend.
Comment from livelylinda
Spiritual Echo: I know the answer to your quandary. When we have children, it is our duty to teach them to clean the house, do the laundry and cook good meals. We teach them in hopes that they will use those rules for life, in turn, teaching their children, too. I always worked so once a week, Saturday morning, we cleaned house and did laundry. In the afternoon we went roller skating or to the movies, etc. Cooking was hit and miss due to one daughter had cheerleading practice so she couldn't eat because she would throw up at practice. One often ate at a friend's house for some reason and the other was buried in TV cartoons. As you have noticed, too, our delightfully an carefully taught children have not carried on with our teachings. The world is apparently different now. So now, I'm working on the grandchildren, maybe they will listen . . . probably not! I have no schedule for cleaning nor laundry any more. The day before I run out of clean underwear, is when I do laundry. I clean when I notice that the dust is deep and if I die in my sleep, I will be embarrassed in Heaven that people will see my room. I works for me. If I see fresh flowers at the market, I enjoy them as I walk by on the way to the snack section where I will spend my little money. I haven't ironed anything in years. Do we understand each other?? LOLOL livelylinda
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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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Spiritual Echo: I know the answer to your quandary. When we have children, it is our duty to teach them to clean the house, do the laundry and cook good meals. We teach them in hopes that they will use those rules for life, in turn, teaching their children, too. I always worked so once a week, Saturday morning, we cleaned house and did laundry. In the afternoon we went roller skating or to the movies, etc. Cooking was hit and miss due to one daughter had cheerleading practice so she couldn't eat because she would throw up at practice. One often ate at a friend's house for some reason and the other was buried in TV cartoons. As you have noticed, too, our delightfully an carefully taught children have not carried on with our teachings. The world is apparently different now. So now, I'm working on the grandchildren, maybe they will listen . . . probably not! I have no schedule for cleaning nor laundry any more. The day before I run out of clean underwear, is when I do laundry. I clean when I notice that the dust is deep and if I die in my sleep, I will be embarrassed in Heaven that people will see my room. I works for me. If I see fresh flowers at the market, I enjoy them as I walk by on the way to the snack section where I will spend my little money. I haven't ironed anything in years. Do we understand each other?? LOLOL livelylinda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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We surely do understand each other! Thanks for reading and sharing your life story with me.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Everybody has their thing. I can't think if I don't vacuum. I love it. If I get nothing else done, its vacuuming and making the beds. I've been told I'm OCD, but that isn't it. I can't concentrate with out doing those few things. I do it for me, no one else. Great essay and quite revealing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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Everybody has their thing. I can't think if I don't vacuum. I love it. If I get nothing else done, its vacuuming and making the beds. I've been told I'm OCD, but that isn't it. I can't concentrate with out doing those few things. I do it for me, no one else. Great essay and quite revealing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014
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Yeah, but you KNOW you do it for you. I don't do half the things for myself that I ALWAYS did when I had family at home.
Thanks for reading.
