Sweet Jasmine
Whisked away to a distant shore...60 total reviews
Comment from deepwater
Hi Dean, will I like it mate have fun with it
Twixt twilight's smooth black velvet evening gown,
yon daybreak sings such sweet sad songs to me.
Lest I should flounder beneath cold, cold ground,
beseeching death release its hold on thee.
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Hi Dean, will I like it mate have fun with it
Twixt twilight's smooth black velvet evening gown,
yon daybreak sings such sweet sad songs to me.
Lest I should flounder beneath cold, cold ground,
beseeching death release its hold on thee.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
Comment from Charlene0513
To Dean Kuch,
A daunting and suspicious death claims the demise of a soul-mate to be.
Very good proximate rhyming: wed/dead; intervene/between
A few uses of alliteration noted: eg. sings such sweet sad songs
Charlene
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To Dean Kuch,
A daunting and suspicious death claims the demise of a soul-mate to be.
Very good proximate rhyming: wed/dead; intervene/between
A few uses of alliteration noted: eg. sings such sweet sad songs
Charlene
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
Comment from daeneam
This followed the requirements of an English sonnet, the usual rhyme scheme, the end-rhymed a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g.
Hahaha... can't help much... I just read it in the Wikipedia. My first idea of a sonnet is like romantic songs but your presentation is like rock song - the heavy metal one.
I was waiting for notifications from you and I was too delighted to read Sweet Jasmine right away. The title is too sweet for the artwork... but the concept fits. I called this Kuch Sonnet. Unique. c", Mae
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This followed the requirements of an English sonnet, the usual rhyme scheme, the end-rhymed a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g.
Hahaha... can't help much... I just read it in the Wikipedia. My first idea of a sonnet is like romantic songs but your presentation is like rock song - the heavy metal one.
I was waiting for notifications from you and I was too delighted to read Sweet Jasmine right away. The title is too sweet for the artwork... but the concept fits. I called this Kuch Sonnet. Unique. c", Mae
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
Comment from krys123
Dean;
even though Nancy is a very good writer When it comes to sonnet, your right up there close to her with this one. Well enough that I wish you all the luck in the world for this is an excellent entry for the contest.
Your iambic pentameter and Temple was written very well with your rhythm flowing so smoothly throughout your poem and your rhyming help with this flow very well in neither of your rhyming words were forced nor labored.
The topic is very touching and sad however you wrote it
with such beauty and finesse. You were so resourceful in your inventiveness saying creativeness picture writing was very enlightening asked to be able to create such a sad poem into a well-rounded sonnet equally to the task of a great achievement.
Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
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Dean;
even though Nancy is a very good writer When it comes to sonnet, your right up there close to her with this one. Well enough that I wish you all the luck in the world for this is an excellent entry for the contest.
Your iambic pentameter and Temple was written very well with your rhythm flowing so smoothly throughout your poem and your rhyming help with this flow very well in neither of your rhyming words were forced nor labored.
The topic is very touching and sad however you wrote it
with such beauty and finesse. You were so resourceful in your inventiveness saying creativeness picture writing was very enlightening asked to be able to create such a sad poem into a well-rounded sonnet equally to the task of a great achievement.
Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for everyone to read and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
Comment from lindalcreel
I can't believe this is your first attempt an an English sonnet. You always write so eloquently anyway, I would never have known. I hope you do well in the contest. Going there to cast my vote now.
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I can't believe this is your first attempt an an English sonnet. You always write so eloquently anyway, I would never have known. I hope you do well in the contest. Going there to cast my vote now.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
Comment from acerisestory
Beautiful and so very sad, Dean. I am no expert on sonnets, but this seems to be very well done. Your imagery is lovely.
Your rhyming, both perfect and proximate, is very nice, and the alliteration is almost every line makes for a smooth flow. I am particularly moved by your last stanza:
Should I find the ferryman anchored near --
I'll beg he take me to my Jasmine dear
Nice! Thank you for sharing, Dean, and good luck in the contest. Alana
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014
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Beautiful and so very sad, Dean. I am no expert on sonnets, but this seems to be very well done. Your imagery is lovely.
Your rhyming, both perfect and proximate, is very nice, and the alliteration is almost every line makes for a smooth flow. I am particularly moved by your last stanza:
Should I find the ferryman anchored near --
I'll beg he take me to my Jasmine dear
Nice! Thank you for sharing, Dean, and good luck in the contest. Alana
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Alana, and I'll admit I had a great deal of help with many wonderful suggestions of kind fellow authors here who are far more well-versed in this form than I am. But, I had never attempted to write one, and I thought, what the heck!
Thanks again for the very encouraging review.
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You are welcome, Dean. Good luck! Alana
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Comment from Michaelk
Initially I had two thoughts. 'This sounds like Poe', and 'the theme reminds me of Frankenstein' (the fantastic book, not the movie)
I don't really know anything about sonnets, I just know what I like when I read it.
As always your rhythm and rhyme are great, and your olde English works quite well. I think the language is what really sets the tone.
A great poem, full of sorrow and angst, in other words, a Kuch original.
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Initially I had two thoughts. 'This sounds like Poe', and 'the theme reminds me of Frankenstein' (the fantastic book, not the movie)
I don't really know anything about sonnets, I just know what I like when I read it.
As always your rhythm and rhyme are great, and your olde English works quite well. I think the language is what really sets the tone.
A great poem, full of sorrow and angst, in other words, a Kuch original.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
Comment from Kaila Mari
I will try to review this English Sonnet to the best of my ability; granted I am new at this also.
Your poem tells a beautiful sad tale of love, as an English Sonnet should. I like this very much.
The Poetic Form is that of abab cdcd efef gg, which you have managed very nicely; except that there are some forced rhymes. You have nicely followed the structure of the poem by having the first stanza introduce the subject, the second stanza further develop it, the third stanza develop the argument and in the closing stanza in the form of a rhyming couplet make a commentary. One of the major weakness here is that you did not stick to the unstressed, stressed iambic pentameter to obtain the daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM rhythm. You need to have a five beat count of stressed, unstressed syllables not necessarily in the same word. I hope this helps and I don't lead you down an incorrect path. I really like the poem; look at it, see what you can do and I will revisit my rating.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014
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I will try to review this English Sonnet to the best of my ability; granted I am new at this also.
Your poem tells a beautiful sad tale of love, as an English Sonnet should. I like this very much.
The Poetic Form is that of abab cdcd efef gg, which you have managed very nicely; except that there are some forced rhymes. You have nicely followed the structure of the poem by having the first stanza introduce the subject, the second stanza further develop it, the third stanza develop the argument and in the closing stanza in the form of a rhyming couplet make a commentary. One of the major weakness here is that you did not stick to the unstressed, stressed iambic pentameter to obtain the daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM rhythm. You need to have a five beat count of stressed, unstressed syllables not necessarily in the same word. I hope this helps and I don't lead you down an incorrect path. I really like the poem; look at it, see what you can do and I will revisit my rating.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014
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Thank you, Kaila, and I have made some edits to shore up the meter. I have had two of the best sonnet writers on this website help me out with it since you reviewed it, and I think you'll see that it reads much better now.
Thanks so much again for your honest assessment.
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The following sentence is wrong, It should read, you need to have a 5 beat count of unstressed stressed syllables, ..."
Comment from Ric Myworld
As you might remember from my previous reviews on some of your poetry, I don't know the difference between a sonnet and any other type of poetry. But, even I the beginner, can tell when something is written with a smooth and graceful wordsmiths expertise. Great job. :-)
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As you might remember from my previous reviews on some of your poetry, I don't know the difference between a sonnet and any other type of poetry. But, even I the beginner, can tell when something is written with a smooth and graceful wordsmiths expertise. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
Comment from tbacha58
Should I find the ferryman anchored near --
I'll beg he take me to my Jamsine dear.
My friend, how can you ever doubt yourself, in no matter what you do write, is always unbelievable . You not only have a writers ability to write, its your feelings that pour in your writing that makes you our outstanding writer. Your picture is so beautiful, goes so well with your sad sonnet, looking at her, allows us to feel more sad.
You are great Dean, its not a compliment, its the truth. Much love Terry xoxo so sorry about my six stars are gone. You even deserve more. Good luck young man. xoxo
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Should I find the ferryman anchored near --
I'll beg he take me to my Jamsine dear.
My friend, how can you ever doubt yourself, in no matter what you do write, is always unbelievable . You not only have a writers ability to write, its your feelings that pour in your writing that makes you our outstanding writer. Your picture is so beautiful, goes so well with your sad sonnet, looking at her, allows us to feel more sad.
You are great Dean, its not a compliment, its the truth. Much love Terry xoxo so sorry about my six stars are gone. You even deserve more. Good luck young man. xoxo
Comment Written 07-Aug-2014
