Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

abcbaac - that is one interesting rhyme scheme
good use of enjambment throughout to keep the story flowing from line to line
excellent use of alliteration throughout
vivid descriptive detail with a appeal to various senses
you create a doleful mood really well
good assonance in vital vial
Brooke

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Brooke.

I have been reading some Dylan Thomas and borrowed the rhyme scheme and stanza structure from him - found it quite demanding actually and it goes against the grain to abandon meter, although it does allow more freedom in word choice.

Steve

Comment from Hollyhock

Exceptional

You've done it again, this is superb. A wonderfully romantic, age of chivalry poem. All the language and imagery perfectly in tune with the spirit of the piece. It reads exceptionally wonderfully well, I was drawn in immediately, possessed by the magic, thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing. A true tapestry of words.
Too many wonderful images to comment on but I must refer to the rhyme scheme, so subtle and yet cleverly engineered to weld the poem together, not easy but superbly accomplished.
This has to be a winner!

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Hi, you must be busy - good-busy I hope - haven't seen you around for some time.

Thanks for the wonderful review and the six stars - not everyone fell for this piece with its lack of meter and way out rhyme scheme (both borrowed from Dylan Thomas for this experiment).

Tapestry would be a great way to describe his writing although I don't think I have mastered the style yet. Apparently he would spend many hours on a poem, shuffling the words to achieve the desired aural effect.

I am not holding my breath for the results, but you never know what the judges may think.

Steve

Comment from Sonaleeka

Excellent

Amazingly captivating and refreshing i can say.I enjoyed the journey along with your writing.Keep coming new poems.

God bless!

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Beautiful Steve,...and very different from your usual
Is fleer a word? I love the gossamer wings and ancient ness of this
Well penned.......but I like your usual which is always unusual..like.acta non verba...
God bless

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Jenny.

I have been reading some Dylan Thomas and decided to try out one of his stanza structures and abandoning any true meter.

I believe 'fleer' is actually a word, although possibly with a slightly different meaning from what I have given it here.

Steve

reply by kiwijenny on 01-Aug-2014

One of my favorite poems of all times is a Child's Christmas in Wales.... :o)

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

... and a very weird poem it is - maybe not even a poem by many people's standards.

I love the bit where the old aunt comes down and sees the firemen standing amongst the smoke and debris and says 'Would you like anything to read?'

Steve

reply by kiwijenny on 02-Aug-2014

I know and riding the hills ....it has been years since I read it...My Dad was billeted in Wales during the war Ina coal mining town ...Myrther t ....wait it's welsh I can't spell it:o(

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

This is a tale that feels like it came straight from a medieval legend. Interesting poetry form with what looks like a challenging rhyming scheme.
Does this form have a name?
Excellent use of enjambment to keep the story flowing.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks for the generous review.

Good spotting on the rhyming scheme - no it is not a named form. I borrowed it, along with the stanza structure from a poem by Dylan Thomas and yes, it was extremely challenging.

Steve

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Death should never rule over life. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Charlie.

Steve

reply by c_lucas on 02-Aug-2014

You're welcome, Steve. Charlie

Comment from Just2Write

Exceptional

Wow, Steve - this is such a tremendous write. The bards of old would be proud to call you a kindred spirit.

The rhyme scheme of abcbaac through each of the septets is subtle, yet unmistakable. I enjoyed the read, Steve.

You deserve a six, just for the complexity of the Stanzas - I got a little lost in the meter, but as you didn't state you were going for anything in particular, I will just enjoy it for what it is, although I thought I did see some repeating dactyls. (3 feet for line?)

Exceptional write, my friend - and a good story too.

Rose.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Rose, for the careful read, the great review and the six stars.

Rhyme scheme, no fixed meter and stanza structure I borrowed from a piece by Dylan Thomas as an experiment. I tried to get a flow without a regular meter - that felt slightly strange to me as I usually go for great regularity, tick-tock.

I am glad you found enough here to enjoy.

Steve

Comment from Janet Foor

Exceptional

Fantastic and compelling story in a poem. Very nice visual imagery, vivid and descriptive language, beautiful picture and presentation in the creative piece. Good use of alliteration and internal rhyming throughout. Good luck in the contest.
Janet :-)

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Janet, thanks so much for the generous review and the six stars.

Steve

Comment from chasennov

Excellent

"Quest" Well the something different you tried did come off rather well. I enjoyed reading this piece and thought you had done a good job with the structure. Well done.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks for the generous review.

Steve

reply by chasennov on 02-Aug-2014

You are most welcome, Steve.

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

I love legends, King Arthur being my favourite. They are all too often sad and tales of unrequited love etc. Yours tells of such a tale, with knights and damsels in distress. Very imaginatively written. with good descriptive language which sets the mood of the poem. Lovely picture and enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014

Thanks, Faye. Yes, there is something compelling about such tales.

Steve