love's lost storm
haibun-contest entry25 total reviews
Comment from Darkhorse555
BEAUTIFULLY penned as always dear friend loved how you drew this mikey i thought just this is me smiling just saying hello pal
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2014
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BEAUTIFULLY penned as always dear friend loved how you drew this mikey i thought just this is me smiling just saying hello pal
Comment Written 19-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2014
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Hello back at ya!! Been worried. Good to see you back. I noticed some posts. running around today, but I'll get to them soon. It will be nice to read some awesome poetry. Missed you!! Thanks for the stars!! mikey
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Eleven syllables meet the parameters. Present tense. Like the way you use the black space as a pause in your prose. Good description of a storm. Meets all of the parameters. It shows emotion. Good entry to the prompt. wackydo
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Eleven syllables meet the parameters. Present tense. Like the way you use the black space as a pause in your prose. Good description of a storm. Meets all of the parameters. It shows emotion. Good entry to the prompt. wackydo
Comment Written 18-Jul-2014
Comment from Bill Schott
This haibun is a little different in a couple ways. I suppose it doesn't matter whether the haiku comes first or second, but this is the only one I've seen. The theme seems to be of Saturn, which I think is cool and unique.
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This haibun is a little different in a couple ways. I suppose it doesn't matter whether the haiku comes first or second, but this is the only one I've seen. The theme seems to be of Saturn, which I think is cool and unique.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2014
Comment from Patti R.
It's only Thursday, but I have spent all my sixes already! Alas, because this is worth the whole spray of stars. Fantastic. I had no idea we could actually eliminate punctuation and still be taken seriously - if you read mine you'll know how crestfallen I am having used punctuation for the sake of grammar. This old dog needs to re-learn haibun in this way. Good luck, Michael, not that you'll need it!
Patti
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It's only Thursday, but I have spent all my sixes already! Alas, because this is worth the whole spray of stars. Fantastic. I had no idea we could actually eliminate punctuation and still be taken seriously - if you read mine you'll know how crestfallen I am having used punctuation for the sake of grammar. This old dog needs to re-learn haibun in this way. Good luck, Michael, not that you'll need it!
Patti
Comment Written 18-Jul-2014
Comment from Val Crisson
First of all, the prose was supposed to come first. I thought this was contest was supposed really be without drama creation in the presentation, but apparently not. "no no no know no no no no" - really, it's a haibun not free verse.
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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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First of all, the prose was supposed to come first. I thought this was contest was supposed really be without drama creation in the presentation, but apparently not. "no no no know no no no no" - really, it's a haibun not free verse.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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It doesn't say that the prose should come first anywhere in the rules nor does it say anything about drama creation. But, in any case thank you for your review and opinion. mikey
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It's a haibun! The prompt might be crazy, but you've not written a haibun. Thank you for your gracious reply.
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I think you're correct in that respect. It does go off track from what a haibun should be. Perhaps I'll sponsor a Haibun contest without these strange rules. They did get the better of me! mikey
Comment from ravenblack
Such a unique approach to this prompt...and so damn good. Although I prefer the haiku at the end I do understand why it is at the beginning. You need to ground where it is taking place not to mention beginning with love drenched in methane is startling and an excellent way in which to begin. Know no no no no really gives the sense of void, of echoing in vast silence. I really hope this is just a rotten compulsion to pen the dark and not figuratively factual. Excellent poem. A six if all mine were not lost in space.
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Such a unique approach to this prompt...and so damn good. Although I prefer the haiku at the end I do understand why it is at the beginning. You need to ground where it is taking place not to mention beginning with love drenched in methane is startling and an excellent way in which to begin. Know no no no no really gives the sense of void, of echoing in vast silence. I really hope this is just a rotten compulsion to pen the dark and not figuratively factual. Excellent poem. A six if all mine were not lost in space.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
Comment from Jean Lutz
O.K. I am not sure what you are saying, my friend, but I am pretty sure you said whatever it is succinctly. Saturn -- rings? Did some one get rings returned? Wells, anyway, better luck in the competition.
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O.K. I am not sure what you are saying, my friend, but I am pretty sure you said whatever it is succinctly. Saturn -- rings? Did some one get rings returned? Wells, anyway, better luck in the competition.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
Comment from humpwhistle
Mikey, what's with all this arty-fartsy affectation?
Did Advanced Editor go crazy on you?
A haibun is supposed to be prose. . . and haiku.
Who writes prose this way?
Sorry, man. It doesn't work.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Mikey, what's with all this arty-fartsy affectation?
Did Advanced Editor go crazy on you?
A haibun is supposed to be prose. . . and haiku.
Who writes prose this way?
Sorry, man. It doesn't work.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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I agree. It won't say haibun after the little contest. It certainly isn't prose. Just following the rules. I liked the way it came out, but I have no argument about your assessment. I would like to see a real haibun contest. I'm not sure if I have a good handle on the form, but I love the concept. Maybe I'll sponsor one. mikey
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Mikey, I have to apologize for going off on you that way. I'm sorry. This contest has gotten under my skin. This contest doesn't represent haibun, and is bound to give new readers the wrong idea of what haibun is. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Again, I'm sorry.
Haibun is an evolving form, but if you want some examples, look up Contemporary Haibun Online.com
Peace, Lee
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No problem, I knew where you were coming from. I'll check out that site. It's a style that seems natural to me. I was writing like this somewhat in high school and being told that it wasn't prose and it wasn't poetry. Ha! What's new! mikey
Comment from Lena Borghi
Michael,
This piece so speaks to me. You cannot imagine how much. Beautifully crafted haibun. I like the space for pauces in lieu of punctuation. The images are vivid and the language evocative. The anguish is palpable as is the feeling of being trapped. Great metaphors.
Well done!
Lena
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Michael,
This piece so speaks to me. You cannot imagine how much. Beautifully crafted haibun. I like the space for pauces in lieu of punctuation. The images are vivid and the language evocative. The anguish is palpable as is the feeling of being trapped. Great metaphors.
Well done!
Lena
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Very imaginative with the references to Saturn. Good imagery, descriptive language and good choice of wording. Enjoyable read and good luck in the contest. Faye
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Very imaginative with the references to Saturn. Good imagery, descriptive language and good choice of wording. Enjoyable read and good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
