The Attitude - Part 3
Cynthia's continues to struggle19 total reviews
Comment from TAB_that's me
Jax, I'm enjoying each part of your little story. I don't see any spag in it and nothing that i would change. Looking forward to the next one.
teresa
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Jax, I'm enjoying each part of your little story. I don't see any spag in it and nothing that i would change. Looking forward to the next one.
teresa
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Teresa. Glad you are enjoying it. (I am not Jax. lol - but I understand how easily it is to confuse when you are reviewing post after post.) BG/Karen 8-)
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sorry, got confused, I had just read one of hers:)
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No problem 8-)
Comment from kiwijenny
This is very good and you are smart to move slow with short pieces that keep our attention. Chapters don't get as many reviews. Well done. I liked the coach being fair and consistent. This highlights what stress our teens are under and the way they can mess up by having drugs in their homes.
God bless
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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This is very good and you are smart to move slow with short pieces that keep our attention. Chapters don't get as many reviews. Well done. I liked the coach being fair and consistent. This highlights what stress our teens are under and the way they can mess up by having drugs in their homes.
God bless
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much. 8-)
Comment from Sonaleeka
Title is very much attractive for a reader.I love the flow of writing , as a reader that's what i search in a writing.Worth reading .
God bless!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Title is very much attractive for a reader.I love the flow of writing , as a reader that's what i search in a writing.Worth reading .
God bless!
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you very much. 8-)
Comment from joysong
Hi. I enjoyed the chapter here and think it can shape up into a good interesting story. You do however need to be more careful with the technical aspect of writing. For instance this sentence-I hope I don't have to listen to one of her long lectures. This is a sentence but it is also her speaking, whether or not it is a thought, it needs quotation marks and a tag like-"I hope I don't have to listen to one of her long lectures" she thought.
I also found this sentence to be incorrect with your use of capitalization.
I MAY not even play...AND my dad has a scout coming to watch...everyone's mad at me...even you...I'm just sick of it!." I think maybe you were trying to emphasize her tone of voice or something like that. Sorry but it does not help. It actually hindered my reading. But those are errors that can be fixed. All in all you are doing a good job. Hope my comments help. Thanks for writing.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Hi. I enjoyed the chapter here and think it can shape up into a good interesting story. You do however need to be more careful with the technical aspect of writing. For instance this sentence-I hope I don't have to listen to one of her long lectures. This is a sentence but it is also her speaking, whether or not it is a thought, it needs quotation marks and a tag like-"I hope I don't have to listen to one of her long lectures" she thought.
I also found this sentence to be incorrect with your use of capitalization.
I MAY not even play...AND my dad has a scout coming to watch...everyone's mad at me...even you...I'm just sick of it!." I think maybe you were trying to emphasize her tone of voice or something like that. Sorry but it does not help. It actually hindered my reading. But those are errors that can be fixed. All in all you are doing a good job. Hope my comments help. Thanks for writing.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks, joysong, for your review and revision tips. I appreciate them very much. 8-)
Comment from Cindy Warren
I'm glad Becca got rid of the pills, but she's going to have to address that issue before the end. It wouldn't just go away. She's probably going to get to play the last few minutes of the game, but the young reader won't figure that out quite yet. Maybe she's not ready for the pressure of scouts. She should be having fun.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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I'm glad Becca got rid of the pills, but she's going to have to address that issue before the end. It wouldn't just go away. She's probably going to get to play the last few minutes of the game, but the young reader won't figure that out quite yet. Maybe she's not ready for the pressure of scouts. She should be having fun.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Cindy, for your review and insightful comments. 8-)
Comment from Raphael Montonaro
With a wrinkled brow and desperate eyes, I vote this chapter as GREAT! Very well written. Good Dialouge between characters! Great Job!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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With a wrinkled brow and desperate eyes, I vote this chapter as GREAT! Very well written. Good Dialouge between characters! Great Job!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks you very much! 8-)
Comment from Spitfire
Again, this would be a great story for high school to show the consequences of one's actions. This could have been a turning point in her life. Actually, it is since Becca threw the pills away. But it's not easy to just go off that kind of drug.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Again, this would be a great story for high school to show the consequences of one's actions. This could have been a turning point in her life. Actually, it is since Becca threw the pills away. But it's not easy to just go off that kind of drug.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Shari. Yes, the drug thing isn't going to disappear overnight.
Comment from jmdg1954
BG... You don't need to apologize. You're the author. Write at your pace. Your readers will be there when you post it.
Speaking of postings... Well written chapter. This has the makings of a nice short story readily available for middle school and high school kids. It has serious tones and implications and a real life scenario.
Nicely done. John
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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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BG... You don't need to apologize. You're the author. Write at your pace. Your readers will be there when you post it.
Speaking of postings... Well written chapter. This has the makings of a nice short story readily available for middle school and high school kids. It has serious tones and implications and a real life scenario.
Nicely done. John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thanks, John I needed that. 8-)
Comment from Cin
Awesome Chapter - writing voice is very active - gutsy - I love the way you are getting inside Cynthia and showing how she clicks - felt my stomach clenching all the way through her turmoil. Way to go.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Awesome Chapter - writing voice is very active - gutsy - I love the way you are getting inside Cynthia and showing how she clicks - felt my stomach clenching all the way through her turmoil. Way to go.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much! I wore myself out writing it. Lol
