My Own Hell
It's where I live daily...70 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Ah, but the key word is "apparent". We both know nothing is cooked up out of the blue: it may take ten years to have the blue emerge in a child's eyes.
shreds of hope lay at my feet [if the present tense: lie (to agree with shreds); No effect on meter.]
while I watch you slowly bleed,
joyously, my demons feed...
[perhaps I was wrong about the present tense thingy ...]
As always with your poetry, the good keeps coming long after I bank the 82 cents (and maybe more)!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Ah, but the key word is "apparent". We both know nothing is cooked up out of the blue: it may take ten years to have the blue emerge in a child's eyes.
shreds of hope lay at my feet [if the present tense: lie (to agree with shreds); No effect on meter.]
while I watch you slowly bleed,
joyously, my demons feed...
[perhaps I was wrong about the present tense thingy ...]
As always with your poetry, the good keeps coming long after I bank the 82 cents (and maybe more)!
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Hah ha, no worries, Jay. Seriously, I wrote this poem in about five minutes. It's easy to write what you're feeling, at least for me. I appreciate the review, my friend.
Comment from vapros
Dean, this is excellent work. I'm not able to see any real moral, or message here, but it certainly does create an atmosphere. And it has something much more admirable than either. It is a rhythmic exercise in skillful manipulation of words, of the English language. Fascinating pastime and worthy dedication. well done.
Bill
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Dean, this is excellent work. I'm not able to see any real moral, or message here, but it certainly does create an atmosphere. And it has something much more admirable than either. It is a rhythmic exercise in skillful manipulation of words, of the English language. Fascinating pastime and worthy dedication. well done.
Bill
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Bill, and there really isn't any...moral, I mean. I was reading Poe's The Raven for about the hundredth time, and I thought to myself, Self? I wonder if we could write a poem on one's person Hell utilizing his rhythm? My Own Hell was the result.
Thanks for you fine review and rating. Much appreciated! :)
Comment from billscott
Very much in the spirit of other works I have read. What makes yours stand out is your powerfully short, punchy verse.
Love it. Very cool stuff Dean!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Very much in the spirit of other works I have read. What makes yours stand out is your powerfully short, punchy verse.
Love it. Very cool stuff Dean!
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Bill. I'll tell you a secret. I copied Edgar Allen Poe's unique rhythm from parts of his classic poem, The Raven as I wrote this. I wanted that tumble-down, falling feel. I hope I've accomplished it.
Thanks so much again, my friend. I really appreciate it!
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It's no secret Dean.
I recognized it. Awesome.
It's part of what really good writers do, copying the spirit of the Masters themselves.
I model the flow and rhythm of storytelling from successful authors, not their words, mind you, the flow, the attitude, etc. like you did with your poem. It's like learning in a classroom "outside" of the classroom.
Gotta love the written word and the masters who lived before us.
So freaking exciting!
Keep writing Dean, as I know I am!
You and I will earn the "fruits" of our craft soon enough!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Really creates a foul mood, and that last picture is perfect! I love the repeated internal rhymes... really makes it fun.
Sings to me it's song of death << ITS, not IT'S
IT'S = It IS
ITS = belonging to IT
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Really creates a foul mood, and that last picture is perfect! I love the repeated internal rhymes... really makes it fun.
Sings to me it's song of death << ITS, not IT'S
IT'S = It IS
ITS = belonging to IT
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Ha ha, got 'cha, Phyllis. I appreciate the review and correction.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting, and nicely crafted. Just a little something you cooked up. Impressive. Perhaps hell is personal, something of our own making. It could be. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Very interesting, and nicely crafted. Just a little something you cooked up. Impressive. Perhaps hell is personal, something of our own making. It could be. Well done.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Yeah, I kinda think it is in some ways, Lance. Thanks for the great review! :}
Comment from acerisestory
So you don't think you can write, haiku? So who cares? This is so well done. Just something you cooked up, huh? It is so scary and so creepy, and the imagery itself is enough to give one nightmares. From the moment I started reading, there was no stopping (unfortunately?). Thank you so much for sharing your talent, Dean. Alana
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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So you don't think you can write, haiku? So who cares? This is so well done. Just something you cooked up, huh? It is so scary and so creepy, and the imagery itself is enough to give one nightmares. From the moment I started reading, there was no stopping (unfortunately?). Thank you so much for sharing your talent, Dean. Alana
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Alana. I truly appreciate your complimentary review. No, I can't write haiku. I have proven that time and time again here. I probably could if horror could be utilized in some way. Hey, a horror haiku. That' kind of catchy, don't you think? I just might have an idea...
Thanks again, Alana.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Just something you cooked up? LOL, you are such a jolly chappy, Dean, I loved this one, it has made my mind up for me, I am going to be cremated!!! That illustration, is that another from your collection? It's gruesomely grisly, and a delightful match for your poem! :) xsx Sandra
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Just something you cooked up? LOL, you are such a jolly chappy, Dean, I loved this one, it has made my mind up for me, I am going to be cremated!!! That illustration, is that another from your collection? It's gruesomely grisly, and a delightful match for your poem! :) xsx Sandra
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Pretty cool effect you got there on that final photo, making it ripple as if in waves of heat. I really like the first two stanzas, what they seem to set up. One's inner demons- purely on a psychological level- taking over, buying their own hype. Then, I think, gunning- a gang banger? A strong poem and it is just my opinion, but extend the first two stanzas- interior action- to the rest.
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Pretty cool effect you got there on that final photo, making it ripple as if in waves of heat. I really like the first two stanzas, what they seem to set up. One's inner demons- purely on a psychological level- taking over, buying their own hype. Then, I think, gunning- a gang banger? A strong poem and it is just my opinion, but extend the first two stanzas- interior action- to the rest.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
Comment from Acquired Taste
The rhythm on this one pulls you right in and keeps you moving downward not realizing you will be met by images of hell. (This one reminiscent of the Devil's Advocate sculpture)
Your use of artwork (static and mobile) are great additions and always perfectly fit - do you compose these works as well?
Nuf said - enjoy your work and look forward to more. AT=/
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
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The rhythm on this one pulls you right in and keeps you moving downward not realizing you will be met by images of hell. (This one reminiscent of the Devil's Advocate sculpture)
Your use of artwork (static and mobile) are great additions and always perfectly fit - do you compose these works as well?
Nuf said - enjoy your work and look forward to more. AT=/
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Jean.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Dean - wow this is powerful, and so full of shock then awe. Writing skill is as always top notch. I can feel the despair in this one, your lines make me scream as if this is how I am living at the moment. That takes skill in my mind.
Your physical images were un-nerving but what impact they give this piece.
I think this has that horror of darkness which for many is a fight to survive that hell of a dark hole they are in. Darkly passionate in the sense of examining those dark hellish images hidden within...maybe not so hidden.:)
Really well penned my friend.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
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Dear Dean - wow this is powerful, and so full of shock then awe. Writing skill is as always top notch. I can feel the despair in this one, your lines make me scream as if this is how I am living at the moment. That takes skill in my mind.
Your physical images were un-nerving but what impact they give this piece.
I think this has that horror of darkness which for many is a fight to survive that hell of a dark hole they are in. Darkly passionate in the sense of examining those dark hellish images hidden within...maybe not so hidden.:)
Really well penned my friend.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014
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Thank you for reading and reviewing it for me, Maureen. I do appreciate it.
