Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 64 "Akicita Moon"Murder Mystery
37 total reviews
Comment from Acquired Taste
Great opening paragraphs. Am a fan of rich, internal dialogue and you do not disappoint. This is the first of your offerings I've read and am encouraged to read previous work. Nice job.
AT=/
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Great opening paragraphs. Am a fan of rich, internal dialogue and you do not disappoint. This is the first of your offerings I've read and am encouraged to read previous work. Nice job.
AT=/
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, AT. I really appreciate you stopping by to read and review so generously. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from judiverse
The scene with Danika is really great. You show how she's feeling about being held prisoner. She comes off as someone not willing to give up easily, as she thinks of negotiating, but the demonic presence uses images from her past to further frighten her. Ty is determined to take the risks to try to rescue Tony, but Jake doesn't seem very helpful. He is understandably frightened about the devil dog. Ty is quite brave because he doesn't want to wait for the federal agents. Lots of 6 star excitement in this. judi
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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The scene with Danika is really great. You show how she's feeling about being held prisoner. She comes off as someone not willing to give up easily, as she thinks of negotiating, but the demonic presence uses images from her past to further frighten her. Ty is determined to take the risks to try to rescue Tony, but Jake doesn't seem very helpful. He is understandably frightened about the devil dog. Ty is quite brave because he doesn't want to wait for the federal agents. Lots of 6 star excitement in this. judi
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Judi, thank you my friend. Your unflagging support and generosity is really a gift I treasure! Glad you enjoyed the chapter. Hugs, Bev
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You're welcome, and I really enjoyed reading it. judi
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting addition to this story that the author has created with this piece of writing. We all have moments like these. We are all fighting for survival even though we might seem serene on the outside. Life is a struggle.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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This is yet another interesting addition to this story that the author has created with this piece of writing. We all have moments like these. We are all fighting for survival even though we might seem serene on the outside. Life is a struggle.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, Tomes. :) Bev
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My pleasure
Comment from prefabmouse
This is the first time I have read any of your work and I am hooked!! I will be reading this from the beginning as I have the chance.
The way you string the very descriptive word together just makes your work sing.
I can't wait to find out how this starts and how it ends. Thank you for lifting me out of reality for a while.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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This is the first time I have read any of your work and I am hooked!! I will be reading this from the beginning as I have the chance.
The way you string the very descriptive word together just makes your work sing.
I can't wait to find out how this starts and how it ends. Thank you for lifting me out of reality for a while.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Hi, prefabmouse. Thank you so much for this grand review! I'm honored you took time to read this chapter and for your insights. I'm working with an editor to re-vamp and tighten in hopes of finding a publisher for this novel. Any suggestions are much appreciated. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
Bloody scary! I don't watch "Criminal Minds" anymore. Serial killers scare the crap out of me. LOL!
"as the soles of her feet melted beneath a wave of searing heat." Ouch! Tough stuff!
But will Ty be able to fight this creature from hell? This is great stuff, Bev. So well written. I didn't hear any false notes. You sure kept my attention all the way through!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Bloody scary! I don't watch "Criminal Minds" anymore. Serial killers scare the crap out of me. LOL!
"as the soles of her feet melted beneath a wave of searing heat." Ouch! Tough stuff!
But will Ty be able to fight this creature from hell? This is great stuff, Bev. So well written. I didn't hear any false notes. You sure kept my attention all the way through!
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Truthfully Adrienne, that is one show I cannot watch myself. I swear the scriptwriters ARE serial killers LOL.
Thanks for your loyalty and support. Your generosity means a lot to me and is deeply encouraging as well.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from LIJ Red
I saw some period/comma usage I am not sure about. Good read, though. I'd probably feel more assured in comments if I'd read other chapters. Excellent overall work.
After "Pearce is my servant and does not speak for me" is oh horrors a comma with no space after it,
but a few lines later, I thought "Danika stiffened. Oh my god no!" should be a separate paragraph from the rest of that one. Get a second opinion before you change anything.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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I saw some period/comma usage I am not sure about. Good read, though. I'd probably feel more assured in comments if I'd read other chapters. Excellent overall work.
After "Pearce is my servant and does not speak for me" is oh horrors a comma with no space after it,
but a few lines later, I thought "Danika stiffened. Oh my god no!" should be a separate paragraph from the rest of that one. Get a second opinion before you change anything.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thanks, LIJ. I run my pieces through an editing software, but occasionally I still mess up on those nasty little commas. If you were able to pinpoint, I'd be glad to change.
Anyway, thank you for taking to read and review so generously.
Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Wow, wow, wow, Bev! This is a seven star chapter if there ever was one. I forced myself to read this very slowly. I didn't want to miss a thing. You do a great job portraying simultaneous events. There is a fast-paced, highly suspenseful flow to this. Extremely well penned, Bev.
Brilliant how you show Danika trying to calm herself and think logically through her horrible circumstance.
"Her life was up for grabs." A seemingly simple sentence, but it packs a lot of meaning and fear.
"A scorching breath. . ." This is an absolutely chilling sentence, portraying the evil in the room, in an economy of words.
I think I tuned in to your story after Carissa and Tyrone. Not sure what Danika did with these two.
Great artwork to support the drama and horror of this chapter. You totally outdid yourself with this chapter, Bev.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Wow, wow, wow, Bev! This is a seven star chapter if there ever was one. I forced myself to read this very slowly. I didn't want to miss a thing. You do a great job portraying simultaneous events. There is a fast-paced, highly suspenseful flow to this. Extremely well penned, Bev.
Brilliant how you show Danika trying to calm herself and think logically through her horrible circumstance.
"Her life was up for grabs." A seemingly simple sentence, but it packs a lot of meaning and fear.
"A scorching breath. . ." This is an absolutely chilling sentence, portraying the evil in the room, in an economy of words.
I think I tuned in to your story after Carissa and Tyrone. Not sure what Danika did with these two.
Great artwork to support the drama and horror of this chapter. You totally outdid yourself with this chapter, Bev.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, Marietta! I am thrilled you enjoyed the chapter. You and my hairdresser know how I procrastinate on getting these out. Carissa and Tyrone are new - those ghosts I mentioned. They are part of her hidden past which I plan to flesh out as time permits. I worried about spending too much time on this part of the story, but I'm glad that it portrays the evil that Father Brian is going to clash with. I love that artwork, too. I've used AvMurray's work before. She's quite a gifted artist.
xx Bev
Comment from ElegantButler
A very chilling chapter. The interaction between Danika and her captor is like a sadistic game of cat and mouse. It sends shivers down the spine. The audience is left wanting to find out what will happen.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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A very chilling chapter. The interaction between Danika and her captor is like a sadistic game of cat and mouse. It sends shivers down the spine. The audience is left wanting to find out what will happen.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you ElegantButler. Love that name, by the way. I'm glad you found the chapter 'chilling' as that is exactly what I was hoping for. Appreciate it! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Aussie
Whew! Thought I was having a hot flush! Nope, it was your scary writing - devil of a story my friend. Great artwork to compliment your words. Ain't nuthin' like sunburnt soles she probably deserved it! This story just keeps getting better and drives the reader on panting like the dog - more please. Well done friend.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Whew! Thought I was having a hot flush! Nope, it was your scary writing - devil of a story my friend. Great artwork to compliment your words. Ain't nuthin' like sunburnt soles she probably deserved it! This story just keeps getting better and drives the reader on panting like the dog - more please. Well done friend.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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HaHa, yes she did deserve it, Kay. Thank you for this delightful and witty review. I so appreciate your loyalty and encouragement my friend. You're a peach.
Hugs, Bev
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I know I'm a peach - never stoned! LOL XX
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Cute :)
Comment from A Matter Of Words
The opening imagery is very well written. Throughout this whole Chapter, the reader is there with Danika, feeling her fear and pain. A great piece of suspenseful writing....Stephanie
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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The opening imagery is very well written. Throughout this whole Chapter, the reader is there with Danika, feeling her fear and pain. A great piece of suspenseful writing....Stephanie
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Stephanie, thank you so very much for this grand review. I really appreciate you taking time to read my chapter and, especially, for your words of encouragement. :) Bev
