Ernest in the Afternoon
Short story, a paradox16 total reviews
Comment from Green Lake Girl
For a male, you do a great job of portraying a young female. All the way to the chipped fingernail. I love this story. It has a lot of fun elements and I am eager to move on to part two. Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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For a male, you do a great job of portraying a young female. All the way to the chipped fingernail. I love this story. It has a lot of fun elements and I am eager to move on to part two. Well done!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Ah, just got your review on Part Two, and have been encouraged to write a Part Three, which I am seriously considering. Thank you so much for reading, the stars, and your encouragement!
Over the years, I have learned(sometimes painfully) to observe and listen, to the ladies. You are more intelligent than us men, more realistic, and you are smart like a fox. However, your emotions do a much better job of sneaking up on you than we ever could. Natalie was a composite of several ladies I am privileged to have known.
Thanks again, irish
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It seems most lessons are painful, Irish. Especially when they deal with the opposite sex. Do you prefer to be called "Irish"?
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Hi, I prefer Irish here on the public pages of FS, my real name in more private exchanges, thank you.
Comment from seaglass
This is well written. I saw no errors. This writing is very skillful in character design. I could feel the tension of Natalie's personality. She's one up-tight gal. Also the high pressure of the job that is driven by deadlines comes through clearly. The attention to detail when describing the phone conversation her boss had, is as good as video. Those descriptions of tiny details, like loosened tie, spilt coffee, are so important for building visual scenes. Great job.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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This is well written. I saw no errors. This writing is very skillful in character design. I could feel the tension of Natalie's personality. She's one up-tight gal. Also the high pressure of the job that is driven by deadlines comes through clearly. The attention to detail when describing the phone conversation her boss had, is as good as video. Those descriptions of tiny details, like loosened tie, spilt coffee, are so important for building visual scenes. Great job.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Wow, thank you for the stars, and that encouraging review! My first post in a while and I have made several corrections, thanks to helpful people here on FS. Hope you can read Part two(and the last).
Thanks again, irish
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Irish,
You're right, it has been quite a while since your last, but you haven't lost your touch. Your descriptions of the characters are well drawn, they come through well. The lady comes across as a bit to conceited, her boss as being under a lot of stress.
Good opening chapter, some drama to come, obviously.
Patrick
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Hi Irish,
You're right, it has been quite a while since your last, but you haven't lost your touch. Your descriptions of the characters are well drawn, they come through well. The lady comes across as a bit to conceited, her boss as being under a lot of stress.
Good opening chapter, some drama to come, obviously.
Patrick
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Patrick, good to be back and posting, and have a lot of catching up to do. Happy you enjoyed the read, just one more part coming up.
irish
Comment from judester
I think this is a great story and you have captured that quick paced and cold world of magazine and advertising. It has a nice pace and believable dialogue, bravo judester
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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I think this is a great story and you have captured that quick paced and cold world of magazine and advertising. It has a nice pace and believable dialogue, bravo judester
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Thanks for reading, and glad you enjoyed Part One. Just one more, lots of drama, thanks again for the encouraging review!
irish
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hey irish! You must know how excited I am to read one of your stories again. Yup, I'm thrilled.,i like the start of this story and your characters are interesting and I want to know more. Your dialogue is great, descriptions well done, and the storyline is absorbing. May I suggest you add Part One to your title so readers will know there will be more, and add Part Two to the next one so readers will know there was something before it. I have a bit of SPaG for you, but I'll post it in a PM because it's easier for me to do.
I can't wait for the sex part. Haha
Smiles,
Sassy : )
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Hey irish! You must know how excited I am to read one of your stories again. Yup, I'm thrilled.,i like the start of this story and your characters are interesting and I want to know more. Your dialogue is great, descriptions well done, and the storyline is absorbing. May I suggest you add Part One to your title so readers will know there will be more, and add Part Two to the next one so readers will know there was something before it. I have a bit of SPaG for you, but I'll post it in a PM because it's easier for me to do.
I can't wait for the sex part. Haha
Smiles,
Sassy : )
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Gee, thanks, Sassy! I am so happy that you liked(And I did change that to Part One, thank you!) hope you point out my misteaks(!), I have a good line of bullshit, but no discipline.
Part Two coming up, hope you enjoy!
irissh
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~
This made for a really good read. It's really well-written and I couldn't really find any mistakes. Loved the dialogues though~
Will be waiting for the next chapter~
God Bless~!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Hello there~
This made for a really good read. It's really well-written and I couldn't really find any mistakes. Loved the dialogues though~
Will be waiting for the next chapter~
God Bless~!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Thank you, for the stars and the encouraging review! just one more part, hope you like the drama and the conclusion.
irish
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I am thrilled to see some of your writing again.
All the frustrations of city driving where 'all occasions conspire against us.' That accursed red light too. You illustrate it so well.
Then the office - well, there is always a Susan type in every office, but I was thrilled to learn that Natalie was able to thwart Susan's advancement. Nice to have a little power sometimes, so might as well use it.
You paint a good picture, Irish.
'...behind and OLD lady in an (OLD)... (maybe you could substitute 'ancient' in relation to the car to avoid repetition.
Luv,
juliette
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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I am thrilled to see some of your writing again.
All the frustrations of city driving where 'all occasions conspire against us.' That accursed red light too. You illustrate it so well.
Then the office - well, there is always a Susan type in every office, but I was thrilled to learn that Natalie was able to thwart Susan's advancement. Nice to have a little power sometimes, so might as well use it.
You paint a good picture, Irish.
'...behind and OLD lady in an (OLD)... (maybe you could substitute 'ancient' in relation to the car to avoid repetition.
Luv,
juliette
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Ah, thank you for reading, and the stars! I appreciate your suggestion, and will change the old to ancient, the sentence will read much easier and make more sense. Hope you enjoy the next(and last) part,
irish
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I'll look out for that, Irish.
J
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I didn't realize this was a book till I got to the notes. You really should make a book and then add this to it as chapter one. Otherwise, no one will be able to find previous chapters and it won't be read by as many.
Also, remove the warning for "over 18" sexual content, as this chapter has none. That warning is for each post, not for the whole book.
>> The phone slammed into [it's] cradle.
It's = it is
Its = belonging to it
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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I didn't realize this was a book till I got to the notes. You really should make a book and then add this to it as chapter one. Otherwise, no one will be able to find previous chapters and it won't be read by as many.
Also, remove the warning for "over 18" sexual content, as this chapter has none. That warning is for each post, not for the whole book.
>> The phone slammed into [it's] cradle.
It's = it is
Its = belonging to it
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you for reading, and the help. And you are right, the next chapter should have the warning for tender souls. Hope you read the next(and last) chapter, great to have the editing so I can improve1
irish
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Oh, if there are only TWO parts, don't call them chapters... say Part 1 and Part 2 so we will know it's a short story and not a book. I look forward to reading it. :)
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Thanks for your help, Phyllis, makes sense. Some readers thought Chapter One was the complete story.
Comment from Adri7enne
Wow, Irish! I forgot how very good you are. LOL! It's such a thrill to read you again. I loved it! I love the premise. Young woman, mature man, big, sexy guy, hot babe. Yea! I could get into this.
I'm not going to offer you suggestions or corrections, Irish. I'm just rejoicing in reading your words again, after so long. It's a treat, Irish.
Happy belated birthday, big guy. You just keep getting better - like a fine bottle of wine. Good stuff, Irish!!!
No sixes left, darn it all! Next one!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Wow, Irish! I forgot how very good you are. LOL! It's such a thrill to read you again. I loved it! I love the premise. Young woman, mature man, big, sexy guy, hot babe. Yea! I could get into this.
I'm not going to offer you suggestions or corrections, Irish. I'm just rejoicing in reading your words again, after so long. It's a treat, Irish.
Happy belated birthday, big guy. You just keep getting better - like a fine bottle of wine. Good stuff, Irish!!!
No sixes left, darn it all! Next one!
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Hey, your words mean more to me than the stars! Thanks for reading, been a while since I have had the time to sit and write, and then scrub, scrub, scrub. Hope the next chapter brings it all together! Thank you so much!
irish
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Irish - I've been smiling since I saw the post, kept it for last so that I could savour it. I have missed your writing my friend!!
Natalie - I can relate to, though my scientist world was also a man's world...I liked her energy, the drive for success the hard way. You made her pop in my mind and some similarities which made me smile...never mind!
This story seemed so smoothly penned to me. I was reading and forgetting to review which always tells me its a great post. In one posting you already have me captured, with the story, the characters and the easy reading style.
I've met a few "Rod's" in my time too....actually maybe the reason this lets me sink into it deeply already is the similarities - real life type of drama.
Fabulous writing since already I am looking forward to post two. Plus I'm excited this is carrying on....
No issues I could see, smooth and clean write.
Thanks for sharing it. Oh I thought I was out of sixes, lucky Irish.
Maureen
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Irish - I've been smiling since I saw the post, kept it for last so that I could savour it. I have missed your writing my friend!!
Natalie - I can relate to, though my scientist world was also a man's world...I liked her energy, the drive for success the hard way. You made her pop in my mind and some similarities which made me smile...never mind!
This story seemed so smoothly penned to me. I was reading and forgetting to review which always tells me its a great post. In one posting you already have me captured, with the story, the characters and the easy reading style.
I've met a few "Rod's" in my time too....actually maybe the reason this lets me sink into it deeply already is the similarities - real life type of drama.
Fabulous writing since already I am looking forward to post two. Plus I'm excited this is carrying on....
No issues I could see, smooth and clean write.
Thanks for sharing it. Oh I thought I was out of sixes, lucky Irish.
Maureen
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Ah, high praise from my most celebrated poetress! So neat that you saw some similarities, I borrowed from your drive for life. You have been a great inspiration for me, your take on life and the way you bring out all those little subtle things that I see every day and fail to notice. Thank you so much for the in-depth review. I hope the next chapter brings it all together.
irish
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I'm looking forward to more reading from you....aha so I was right on similarities....thought I was a little crazy but it just fit so well...:) I really have missed reading your work, so I'm even more excited to have you posting.:)
Hugs
Maureen
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Ha, we are a little, well, different. But hey, makes it so much more fun, don't it?
Whee!
irish
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double wheee:))
