Short Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Cost of Closed Eyes"A Collection Of Short Form Poetry
12 total reviews
Comment from royowen
A good entry in this bookend poetry contest! This is a good bookend to the previous, on the same theme but added adjectives enlarging on the previous, well written, well done, blessings Roy.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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A good entry in this bookend poetry contest! This is a good bookend to the previous, on the same theme but added adjectives enlarging on the previous, well written, well done, blessings Roy.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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Thank you kindly. This was a good idea for a contest I thought. Quite a few good pieces submitted. mikey
Comment from Leineco
(bookend)
(bookend)
SOULS
damaged
crushed- betrayed
plaintiff cries- dismayed
shrill mocking laughs invade
failed quest- sought good intention
"closed eyes leave death as redemption"
An interesting clarity poem - I like the intention, but find that it misses the mark on one of the "rules" of a clarity poem
The last line is 8 syllables, and is in quotations as this line contains a quote that defines the first word (title). I just don't feel your final line could be taken as a definition of "SOUL"
As a paired set of poems, I thought they complimented each other VERY nicely though :-)
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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(bookend)
(bookend)
SOULS
damaged
crushed- betrayed
plaintiff cries- dismayed
shrill mocking laughs invade
failed quest- sought good intention
"closed eyes leave death as redemption"
An interesting clarity poem - I like the intention, but find that it misses the mark on one of the "rules" of a clarity poem
The last line is 8 syllables, and is in quotations as this line contains a quote that defines the first word (title). I just don't feel your final line could be taken as a definition of "SOUL"
As a paired set of poems, I thought they complimented each other VERY nicely though :-)
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Yes, you are correct about that. I'll have to take a look at that and see if I can change it. I became caught up in the theme and attempting to match the rhyme scheme also. Pleased that you liked it overall though. Thanks for the great review!
Comment from ProjectBluebook
I like this heart & souls thing. That picture steals the show. She looks cold with a cold stare. She has no emotion, she is cold clay. This is fantastic, you done a great job with the book-end. Talent.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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I like this heart & souls thing. That picture steals the show. She looks cold with a cold stare. She has no emotion, she is cold clay. This is fantastic, you done a great job with the book-end. Talent.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Glad you liked it. The picture is chilling. A great contest with great entries all around!
Comment from victor 66
Both of the poems are great and they fit well together in the "bookend". All rules have been followed. Good luck to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Both of the poems are great and they fit well together in the "bookend". All rules have been followed. Good luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much.
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You bet. Take care.
Comment from nordicgirl
This bookend does indeed stand strongly on its own. The connection to the original is dtrong and they work well together... but unlike most of the entries the second piece stands alone with great power. Excellent. NG
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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This bookend does indeed stand strongly on its own. The connection to the original is dtrong and they work well together... but unlike most of the entries the second piece stands alone with great power. Excellent. NG
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you
Comment from TAB_that's me
Both of the poems are great and they fit well together in the "bookend". All rules have been followed. Good luck to you in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Both of the poems are great and they fit well together in the "bookend". All rules have been followed. Good luck to you in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Thank you. A good contest idea. Fun to find something and then give it some new life.
Comment from adewpearl
Both poems are in good syllable count and structure for the Clarity Poem
I wish you had used the same rhyme scheme in both
I love the way the themes interrelate
impassioned expression of emotion
Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Both poems are in good syllable count and structure for the Clarity Poem
I wish you had used the same rhyme scheme in both
I love the way the themes interrelate
impassioned expression of emotion
Brooke
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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The rhyme scheme bothered me too. I let it go as it said what I wanted it to say. But, now it bugs me! Hahaha. I changed it to match the first one. Thank you for mentioning that. I think it's improved now! :)
Comment from rouskin
"closed eyes leave death as redemption" ...Very strong contender, probably the winner I wish you the best of luck in the contest
Blessings, Rouskin
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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"closed eyes leave death as redemption" ...Very strong contender, probably the winner I wish you the best of luck in the contest
Blessings, Rouskin
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Appreciate the encouraging words! At the very least I have this excellent review. Thank you kindly.
Comment from Nosha17
I guess we should heed the warning signs if someone is crying out for help, not ignore them, which is what happens in some cases. Good use of language and imagery to express your thoughts. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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I guess we should heed the warning signs if someone is crying out for help, not ignore them, which is what happens in some cases. Good use of language and imagery to express your thoughts. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Thank you. A fun contest. Happy to dust off an oldie and give it a little new life.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
Nicely formatted with a great piece of artwork. I like the difference with one bookend, the heart, while the other is the soul.
Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Hi,
Nicely formatted with a great piece of artwork. I like the difference with one bookend, the heart, while the other is the soul.
Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Thank you. It was fun dusting off an old one and giving it new life. A good contest idea. Lots of good entries in this one.
