Dreams from across the sea
It describes what young men and women look forward to.4 total reviews
Comment from GracieAnn
Ololade, I liked this. The triple 5-7-5 truly gives the reader more for their effort. The words used are creative and original. Well done. Do some more! :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2014
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Ololade, I liked this. The triple 5-7-5 truly gives the reader more for their effort. The words used are creative and original. Well done. Do some more! :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 19-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2014
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Thanks ma'am
:)
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
You have this entered as a 5-7-5 which is why I have to rate you as 'good' Your syllable count is incorrect in the second stanza. I hope you have time to correct this before the contest judging begins as the theme is sound and a worthy entry if it is fixed. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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You have this entered as a 5-7-5 which is why I have to rate you as 'good' Your syllable count is incorrect in the second stanza. I hope you have time to correct this before the contest judging begins as the theme is sound and a worthy entry if it is fixed. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Thank you too for your help.
Comment from Lat 23 Writer
Great feeling here. Well done in taking the heart from crying out to pacified.
We could possibly work on the verbs. Cries is fine. Maybe fly could be replaced with a more emotional word? Reach high? Soar high at a pinch.
Running could possibly be Sprinting?
But all in all.Well done
Lat23
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Great feeling here. Well done in taking the heart from crying out to pacified.
We could possibly work on the verbs. Cries is fine. Maybe fly could be replaced with a more emotional word? Reach high? Soar high at a pinch.
Running could possibly be Sprinting?
But all in all.Well done
Lat23
Comment Written 10-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Merci,Lat 23 Writer..I'm new here,this is my first posting and it's such a pleasure to know that other people get to read what you write...thanks again
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Apologies but I've been offline.How's life been in the fast lane in my absence?
Lat 23
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Thank God...the fast lane? :)...things have been sailing fine like a canoe on the gentle waters of Lagos(a city in my place here) :)
Hope you have been good too
I should apologise too because I've not been present on fanstory for a long while.
Comment from adewpearl
Most of your lines are in 5/7/5 syllable count
Run/ning/in/to/lime/light is only 6 syllables where it should be 7
a thoughtful look at the nature of our dreams/aspirations
Brooke
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Most of your lines are in 5/7/5 syllable count
Run/ning/in/to/lime/light is only 6 syllables where it should be 7
a thoughtful look at the nature of our dreams/aspirations
Brooke
Comment Written 10-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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hmm...guess I need loads of lessons...thanks a lot,adewpearl.
