Short
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Waiting"Shorter stories
21 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
This was a great 100 word story. It's even better because you managed to do it all in dialogue. It gave me a laugh, too. Thank you for sharing this here.
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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This was a great 100 word story. It's even better because you managed to do it all in dialogue. It gave me a laugh, too. Thank you for sharing this here.
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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If you go to the top of that page, Jessizero, there are links to the short story book with ninety-four other shorts. They are all promoted to six cents and 12 points. Not a lot, but they are short and fast.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL!! Even I don't take that long! Definately a second bathroom needed. The poor man but be bursting! This is another lovely story, Bill. You've done well with these. Well done, again! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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LOL!! Even I don't take that long! Definately a second bathroom needed. The poor man but be bursting! This is another lovely story, Bill. You've done well with these. Well done, again! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thanks, Sandra
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good work. Nice story.
That's about the time I pee off the back deck.
And keep toothpaste in the kitchen.
And be glad that I wake an hour (or two) before my beautiful bride does.
Best wishes - and please try to save the marriage!
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Good work. Nice story.
That's about the time I pee off the back deck.
And keep toothpaste in the kitchen.
And be glad that I wake an hour (or two) before my beautiful bride does.
Best wishes - and please try to save the marriage!
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thanks, Wayne, for giving this a look. It wasn*t until my kids left home that any of the four bathrooms in this house were not in use. Holidays
, with house guests, meant the deck, as you said.
Comment from chasennov
"Waiting" This is a typical example where females have the upper hand in almost everything on earth. Us poor souls just do not admit to it. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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"Waiting" This is a typical example where females have the upper hand in almost everything on earth. Us poor souls just do not admit to it. Well done.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Good grief, Bill, you've been talking to my daughter. This sounds just like the conversations my wife and I have with her on an almost daily basis! She weighs a buck oh-five soak and wet with rocks in her pockets. It takes her over an hour in the shower alone, and that doesn't include the teeth, hair and makeup. Hell, I get, do the three "S's", then get out in under twenty minutes, tops!
This would be hilarious, Bill, if it weren't so true, LOL!
Good work, my friend, and good luck.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Good grief, Bill, you've been talking to my daughter. This sounds just like the conversations my wife and I have with her on an almost daily basis! She weighs a buck oh-five soak and wet with rocks in her pockets. It takes her over an hour in the shower alone, and that doesn't include the teeth, hair and makeup. Hell, I get, do the three "S's", then get out in under twenty minutes, tops!
This would be hilarious, Bill, if it weren't so true, LOL!
Good work, my friend, and good luck.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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This is my daily struggle (slightly exaggerated). I end up in the half bath on the kiddie squat while my wife is under construction in the master. Thanks for looking at this, Dean.
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You're very welcome, Bill, and I feel your pain, believe me!
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Nice twist at the end when you reveal that is the wife and on some obsessive/compulsive teenager which might fit the pattern. You certainly tweak the emotions with this almost believable scenario.
An excellent contest entry. Good luck!
Roger, Marilyn's writing partner
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Nice twist at the end when you reveal that is the wife and on some obsessive/compulsive teenager which might fit the pattern. You certainly tweak the emotions with this almost believable scenario.
An excellent contest entry. Good luck!
Roger, Marilyn's writing partner
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Roger, for giving this a look.
Comment from Domino 2
Most ladies spend far too much time doing their hair and make-up, without having an obsession with their teeth hygiene as well.
Knowing how stubborn SOME ladies can be, if I were this guy, I'd definitely 'get a divorce' rather than having to constantly use the garden as a loo - if I could get there in time. :-)
Fun and clever write.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Most ladies spend far too much time doing their hair and make-up, without having an obsession with their teeth hygiene as well.
Knowing how stubborn SOME ladies can be, if I were this guy, I'd definitely 'get a divorce' rather than having to constantly use the garden as a loo - if I could get there in time. :-)
Fun and clever write.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Ray, for the excellent review.
Comment from humpwhistle
I like this all-dialogue entry. For one thing, it's not a rehashed joke. One suggestion is to try to identify the characters as husband and wife somewhere near the top.
From the illustration, I assumed this was a conversation between a mother and daughter. I think it might be more effective if I knew it was a frustrated hubby as I read.
Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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I like this all-dialogue entry. For one thing, it's not a rehashed joke. One suggestion is to try to identify the characters as husband and wife somewhere near the top.
From the illustration, I assumed this was a conversation between a mother and daughter. I think it might be more effective if I knew it was a frustrated hubby as I read.
Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Lee, for the review and suggestion.
Comment from leslief1952
Nice compromise--the second bathroom, I mean. Unfortunately, that may not work. What will happen when they have children and she still has to complete her morning/evening ritual. That would be another story, I guess.
Good job. Very enjoyable to read.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Nice compromise--the second bathroom, I mean. Unfortunately, that may not work. What will happen when they have children and she still has to complete her morning/evening ritual. That would be another story, I guess.
Good job. Very enjoyable to read.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review.
Comment from mfowler
I think you've captured a mariied couple's domestic life very wittily in this conversation. I suspected he must be uncomfortable, by the long winded way she went about her ablutions. Funny stuff. Good luck.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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I think you've captured a mariied couple's domestic life very wittily in this conversation. I suspected he must be uncomfortable, by the long winded way she went about her ablutions. Funny stuff. Good luck.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review.
