The Bard of Bel Air
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "All Roads Lead To the Forest"A homeless man sees more than people realize.
13 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
An impressive chapter, Michael. A lot of characters, but they all seem differentiated one from the other, the plot moves forward smoothly, aided by the realistic dialogue. Lucy's inner dialogue in italics was a bit much. It suggests that she thinks in full sentences, which few of us do.
Found only one nit, looks like just an editing glitch:
and a look of relief lit up us face [his? face]
Good Job!
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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An impressive chapter, Michael. A lot of characters, but they all seem differentiated one from the other, the plot moves forward smoothly, aided by the realistic dialogue. Lucy's inner dialogue in italics was a bit much. It suggests that she thinks in full sentences, which few of us do.
Found only one nit, looks like just an editing glitch:
and a look of relief lit up us face [his? face]
Good Job!
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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Appreciate the great feedback. I think you are correct about the inner dialogue. I'm spag shy! I fear word and it telling me about fragments etc.... I'll look at that right away. Thanks, mikey
Comment from Sankey
Good chapter mate. I left the lingo of the coloured hehe lady alone. Great reading as usual Keep it up.
One spag I think.
Harpster(')s
Lucy(')s
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Good chapter mate. I left the lingo of the coloured hehe lady alone. Great reading as usual Keep it up.
One spag I think.
Harpster(')s
Lucy(')s
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Comment Written 17-May-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So Junior is running away, eh? Why? What is he afraid of? Being accused of killing his father?
Here's a suggestion for what to do next, something readers will not expect. Have a gigantic meteor strike the compound and kill everyone. No? Well, it was just a thought. Maybe a landslide could bury everyone? Don't like that either, huh? You sure are picky. Okay, one more... take it or leave it. They all come in contact with flesh eating bacteria and their faces slide off till no one can tell who's who. Yep, I knew you like THAT one. LOL! :)
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reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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So Junior is running away, eh? Why? What is he afraid of? Being accused of killing his father?
Here's a suggestion for what to do next, something readers will not expect. Have a gigantic meteor strike the compound and kill everyone. No? Well, it was just a thought. Maybe a landslide could bury everyone? Don't like that either, huh? You sure are picky. Okay, one more... take it or leave it. They all come in contact with flesh eating bacteria and their faces slide off till no one can tell who's who. Yep, I knew you like THAT one. LOL! :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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I like all of them! A giant meteor causes and avalanche releasing a buried deadly bacteria that consumes their faces and all are without Identity. The only cure is the cool water of the Pacific Ocean only four miles away.... No problem. I'm on it!
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LOL! Good thing you moved that ocean. LOL! :)
