The other side of Midnight.
Hopes, dreams and fears on.... (jaq cee)23 total reviews
Comment from mfowler
This is very interesting and enjoyable poem. The premise of looking to the other side of midnight to seek solace from whatever is ailing her/him is cleverly conceived, and written with a progressive sense of pain followed by hope in a new dawn. I like that the specific pain is never revealed. It is about emotions, and any details are left to the imagination.
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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This is very interesting and enjoyable poem. The premise of looking to the other side of midnight to seek solace from whatever is ailing her/him is cleverly conceived, and written with a progressive sense of pain followed by hope in a new dawn. I like that the specific pain is never revealed. It is about emotions, and any details are left to the imagination.
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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mfowler thanks for your insightful review. I'm grateful to have your thoughts on this. Jaq xx
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent poem of hope and determination. Night brings the darkness and lets fears grow, but the dawn comes with its sunshine and the hope of the future. Excellent rhyme and rhythm. This flows smoothly off the tongue and sounds wonderful read aloud. Well done.
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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Excellent poem of hope and determination. Night brings the darkness and lets fears grow, but the dawn comes with its sunshine and the hope of the future. Excellent rhyme and rhythm. This flows smoothly off the tongue and sounds wonderful read aloud. Well done.
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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w.j.debi thank you for the fab review and for understanding that I do still have hope. If we don't have that then we have nothing :) Jaq xxx
Comment from yolieday
"But joy comes in the morning" - Psalm 30:5, which is the other side of midnight. I truly enjoyed this piece. I loved the rhyme and flow and how the piece transitions. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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"But joy comes in the morning" - Psalm 30:5, which is the other side of midnight. I truly enjoyed this piece. I loved the rhyme and flow and how the piece transitions. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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yolieday thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful review, Jaq xxx
Comment from mruss1
Hi Jackie this is quite exceptional at least to me. Very familiar territory I have problems with after midnight as well. Sometimes I have trouble in the middle of the day as well. I guess it's not as bad if someone can get what you are going through. I think perhaps is it comes from the heart is most important. You can't fake honesty:) Great job:) Mark
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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Hi Jackie this is quite exceptional at least to me. Very familiar territory I have problems with after midnight as well. Sometimes I have trouble in the middle of the day as well. I guess it's not as bad if someone can get what you are going through. I think perhaps is it comes from the heart is most important. You can't fake honesty:) Great job:) Mark
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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Hi Mark,
Many thanks for your fab review and immense sixer. It's the hardest time of the day for me as you're so tired but your mind won't let you sleep as thoughts tumble around. Take care my friend and it was great speaking to you earlier. We didn't even talk about the donkeys either :)love n hugs, Jackie xxx
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No thanks are necessary I told you I would tell you just what I thought and this is what came out. Sorry about your space you are in I know I have been there before:) The sun will return before you know it and perhaps make everything right:) Mark
Comment from closetpoetjester
Hey Jaqualish, this is BEAUTIFUL. Haunting and sad but with a glimmer of hope. Struggling through matters of the heart is painful, but have faith that good will prevail and you'll come out on top in the end.
A couple of small suggestions:
This line:
as hope all disappears
didn't sound quite right...what about:
as all hope disappears??
Also, the meter seemed bang on all the way through except for a spot where I had to do a little skippety skip at the start of the line for it to read smooth...only a small speed bump, but I'm suggesting:
I'm searching deep for answers
or
I search inside for answers
I'm still sixering this as it was eloquently written and these are only small things that don't actually alter the meaning, just the flow.
Well done mate, hang in there. It WILL get better, I assure you.
Hugs Pippalish
xoxo
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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Hey Jaqualish, this is BEAUTIFUL. Haunting and sad but with a glimmer of hope. Struggling through matters of the heart is painful, but have faith that good will prevail and you'll come out on top in the end.
A couple of small suggestions:
This line:
as hope all disappears
didn't sound quite right...what about:
as all hope disappears??
Also, the meter seemed bang on all the way through except for a spot where I had to do a little skippety skip at the start of the line for it to read smooth...only a small speed bump, but I'm suggesting:
I'm searching deep for answers
or
I search inside for answers
I'm still sixering this as it was eloquently written and these are only small things that don't actually alter the meaning, just the flow.
Well done mate, hang in there. It WILL get better, I assure you.
Hugs Pippalish
xoxo
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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Pippalicious you are bang on with these suggestions I struggled a bit with that line too. Great review and a fab six.
Many thanks my friend, hugs n stuff, Jaqualish xxxx
Comment from abbasjoy
Hope definitely is what keeps us moving on and up, for without it, all you do is to cry and remain in despair on the 'other side of midnight.'
Loved this poem, especially because you do not leave us hopeless, instead, with the dawning of a new day we are hopeful, and are on the 'right side' of midnight.
Good job!
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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Hope definitely is what keeps us moving on and up, for without it, all you do is to cry and remain in despair on the 'other side of midnight.'
Loved this poem, especially because you do not leave us hopeless, instead, with the dawning of a new day we are hopeful, and are on the 'right side' of midnight.
Good job!
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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Many thanks abbasjoy, you are correct we all need hope. :) Jaq x
Comment from MagKing
A fine poem!
But I do have a few problems with it...
The first line is supposed to have the same syllable count with the third line, as you have done in each stanza. But the last stanza is lacking in this.
Also, the second line is to have the same syllable count with the fourth stanza; this is not so with the last stanza
I will suggest: "My tears are now all subsiding
For I won all the fight"
MagKing
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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A fine poem!
But I do have a few problems with it...
The first line is supposed to have the same syllable count with the third line, as you have done in each stanza. But the last stanza is lacking in this.
Also, the second line is to have the same syllable count with the fourth stanza; this is not so with the last stanza
I will suggest: "My tears are now all subsiding
For I won all the fight"
MagKing
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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Ahh MagKing, thanks for your suggestions but I rely less on syllable count on more on flow. Thank you for a fine review. Jaq x
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OK!
I just thought you could make it exceptional
No offense
MagKing
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Ohhh no offence taken. Never! I love that you took the time to pass on your thoughts. I hope you didn't feel I was being ungrateful :(, Jaq
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Not at all!
....Smiling...
MagKing
Comment from leslief1952
Very nice. The meter and rhyme are perfect. And since the purpose of poetry is to speak to each reader individually, this poem will surely meet the goal. You present, exactly, the feelings that everyone has had at one point or another.
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reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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Very nice. The meter and rhyme are perfect. And since the purpose of poetry is to speak to each reader individually, this poem will surely meet the goal. You present, exactly, the feelings that everyone has had at one point or another.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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Many thanks for your review. Jaq xx
Comment from Domino 2
One of your very best poems, Jaq.
Excellent meter - have you been taking lessons? LOL.
Top unforced rhymes too in this sad yet positive theme countless lonely people suffer from. Strong emotions expressed extremely well.
I know what you feel about laying there awake thinking of negativity and sometimes despair. I force myself to STOP thinking, and every time ANY thought comes back, I have an imaginary white brick wall that slams down in front of them. It may take a few 'slams' but so long as you don't relent, it DOES work.
Excellent Coldplay track too.
NEVER 'give up the fight', sweety-pie.
Sorry - out of a well-deserved sixer on a Saturday evening.
Cheers, Ray. xx
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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One of your very best poems, Jaq.
Excellent meter - have you been taking lessons? LOL.
Top unforced rhymes too in this sad yet positive theme countless lonely people suffer from. Strong emotions expressed extremely well.
I know what you feel about laying there awake thinking of negativity and sometimes despair. I force myself to STOP thinking, and every time ANY thought comes back, I have an imaginary white brick wall that slams down in front of them. It may take a few 'slams' but so long as you don't relent, it DOES work.
Excellent Coldplay track too.
NEVER 'give up the fight', sweety-pie.
Sorry - out of a well-deserved sixer on a Saturday evening.
Cheers, Ray. xx
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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Awww Ray you know how much your endorsement of my rhythm means to me :) LOL. It's so nice to hear from you and I don't need the sixer, your review is worth so much more.
I hope you are well my friend, long time no hear, but I know what you are like. :) Take care hon, Jaq xxx
Comment from Joy Graham
I like the way you describe the other side of midnight. I hate when I have sleepless nights. I enjoyed your meter and abcb rhyme scheme. The words bounced along to tell the story. I like that your last two stanzas showed a positive outlook :).
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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I like the way you describe the other side of midnight. I hate when I have sleepless nights. I enjoyed your meter and abcb rhyme scheme. The words bounced along to tell the story. I like that your last two stanzas showed a positive outlook :).
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 17-May-2014
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Many thanks Joy, your words mean a lot to me. Jaq xx
